Wednesday One-Liners Got the Part!

Conductor in thick Indian accent: Everybody's stressed out on their way to work, but remember you only came on the train with two hands! If you feel a third hand on you, feel free to do whatever you want with it!

–Uptown A Train

Overheard by: megan rose

Young woman on cell: Daddy? Mommy said you called. Is it about your testicles?

–78th & Lexington

Overheard by: Bob

Man on cell: I just saw this human female walk by with these legs…

–SoHo

Overheard by: Another human female

Passing female coworker: Stick my finger up to the middle knuckle to make sure it's warm.

–31st St

Dorky guy to friends: So then she gets on the table and the next thing you know, one leg is over her head and I just didn't know what to do with myself…

–3rd & 23rd

Overheard by: tila

Jersey lady: Now I have to straddle him, hold on to his ears, and do it.

–Metro North Train

Overheard by: Wow. Just… wow.

Posted on May 13, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, B & T, Balls, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Conductors, Coworkers, Desi, Friends, Guys, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Passengers, Public Transportation, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Soho, Street, Stupidity, Trains Not Subway, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Need an F-Bomb Shelter

Hare Krishna guy hawking meditation books: I hate this fucking city, fucking assholes. Fuck. Fuck this city!

–Union Square Station

Girl on phone: So, how's Dan? (pause) Oh, fuck Dan!

–South Ferry Terminal

Teenage boy to another in idling train: We made up an expression just to see if he would start saying it too. We started saying "fuck my dick!" Like, I dropped my pencil and said "fuck my dick!" You know? And he started sayin' that shit, yo!

–G Train

Overheard by: lucyruth

Guy on cell: Listen, I can fuck whoever the fuck I wanna fuck, whenever the fuck I wanna fuck. I choose not to fuck you.

–42nd St b/w 3rd & Lexington

Overheard by: julie f

Late 40s suit to another: Yeah, so I say to him, just to be polite,"yeah, I'd fuck her", then he says "yeah, but I'd fuck her after you were done with her!"

–Met Life Building

Conductor: Please move all the way in, please, people, move all the way in, stand clear of the closing doors. People! (turns microphone off, shouts) Nobody fucking listens to me!

–F Train

Overheard by: BLAH

Posted on May 13, 2009
Conductors, Ferry, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Penis, Public Transportation, Questions, Sex, Sloppy Seconds, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Suits, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners– Now in Small, Regular and Porn Star

20-something girl: And then they had another raffle and I won another 30 minutes of free porn and a vibrator.

–Chelsea Market

Overheard by: eSong

Man, talking to himself in the park: I don't discriminate against women. Women discriminate against me. Why? Because they have all different kinds of dildos.

–City Hall Park

Salesman, shouting to man with girlfriend: Have you been neglecting your butthole lately? I'm selling some nice greasy vibrators here!

–34th St

Overheard by: Jessica

30-something balding man on cell: Dildo and show…

–14th & 3rd

Woman to friends posing for picture: 1…2…3…say: "sex toys!"

–West Village

Mythology professor: Ares was a bit stupid, so Aphrodite was pretty much the brains of that operation. For her, he was basically just a living dildo.

–Hunter College

Overheard by: Sarah

Posted on May 13, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Dildos and Vibrators, Free stuff!, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Hunter, Men, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Pictures, Porn, Questions, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Time, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

An Inconvenient Wednesday One-Liner

Mother to small child: Well, the weather's nice today, so it's a good afternoon to go to the park, play on the playground, go on the swings, or attack daddy. (pause) Or…you know, whatever else you feel like doing.

–Gramercy

Overheard by: Max

Fancy woman waking out of building, on cell, during snow squall: It's either snow or debris. I can't tell.

–Grand Army Plaza

Overheard by: snow. trust me.

Five-year-old girl: It's snowing way too much in Columbus Circle! Fuck! I am going to file a complaint!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: queenofscots

Older hot guy: It's as cold as a drunken French whore in the old Bastille days!

–W 4th St

Woman to neighbor: Hey, girl, do you see this snow? It's the end of the world!
(pause) Have a great day!

–140th St & Amsterdam

Posted on May 13, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Crazy, Gripes, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, History & Geography, Hotels, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Prostitution, Questions, Street, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

I Thought “Twat” Was the Past Tense Of “Twit”

Girl to mother: Twat!
Mother: You mean “twit”.
Girl: No, I mean “twat”.
Mother: Honey, a twat is a woman's vagina.
Girl: Get out.

–28th & 7th

Posted on May 12, 2009
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Girls, Moms, Parents, Vagina, Weirdness, Words

Only Four Hobbits and a Warlock

Boy: Can you close the window?
Substitute teacher, jumping onto the windowsill: Sure.
(class stares in disbelief)
Substitute teacher: What, haven't you ever had a ninja for a teacher before?

–Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: Not Really…

Posted on May 12, 2009
Boys, Classroom, Ninjas, Offers and requests, School and studying, Students, Stuyvesant, Teachers/Professors, Weirdness

Two More and She Gets a Set Of Steak Knives

Guy #1: So I heard Tina is getting that abortion.
Guy #2: Ya, it's her eighth one.

–Times Square

Overheard by: jake kirby

Posted on May 12, 2009
Abortion, Guys, Rumor Has It, Times Square, Weirdness

Did You Get Here on the SocioPATH Train?

Teen girl: Anna told me you liked me?
Teen guy: Yeah.
Teen girl: Why didn't you tell me or ask me out?
Teen guy: Well, I was afraid you would say no.
Teen girl: Why don't you ask me now and see what I say?
Teen guy: Do you want to go out sometime?
Teen girl: Sorry, no.

–Starbucks

Overheard by: Hugh

Posted on May 10, 2009
Dating, Girls, Guys, Offers and requests, Starbucks, Teens, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

…If You Wouldn't Mind Fluffing and Folding Them.

Airport customs officer: Are you bringing in any fruits or vegetables or anything that needs to be washed?
Non-sarcastic tourist: I have dirty clothes.

–JFK

Overheard by: MJMJ

Posted on May 9, 2009
Airports, Cleanliness, Clerks, Clothing, Fruit, JFK Airport, Tourists, Weirdness

Then Shouldn't You Be Wearing Your Glasses, Sweetie?

Grandmother, in french: What are you doing?
Three-year-old boy with spear-shaped stick: Shhh…I'm hunting children.

–Picnic House, Prospect Park

Overheard by: Incest King

Posted on May 9, 2009
Brooklyn, Families, Kids, Parks, Questions, Violence, Weirdness

Weirdness