10-year old son to father: I'm going to punch you in the penis!
–Hudson & Desbrosses
Woman to 4-year-old: I do what I have to do to get things done. I'll even break some legs.
–7th Ave, Park Slope
Girl to friend, sounding genuinely ecstatic: Yeah, he kneed me in the thigh, it was awesome.
–West Village
Woman on cell: Did you try changing its diaper? (pause) What about smacking it around a little and telling it to shut up?
–26th & 7th
Overheard by: Liz
Five-year-old girl, holding her nose, to mother: It smells here! It smells like New Jersey! Mommy! It smells like New Jersey!
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Cicero
Teenager: Oh, wow, I didn't know New Jersey had any buildings.
–Christopher St. Pier
Girl on cell: I think I slept with a whore. Then I woke up in Jersey.
–Washington Square
Overheard by: Rachel
Crazy-sounding drunk girl: Ewww, why are there so many people from New Jersey here?
–Bowery & E 4th
Overheard by: do they emit a particular odor?
NYU guy trying to impress girls: My dad actually grew up right around here. Well…in New Jersey.
–St. Mark's & 3rd Ave
Girl sitting on raised metal platform on front deck to friend: Hey, do you want to turn around? We're looking at Jersey again.
–NYU LSP Boat Cruise
Small blonde woman, pointing at pink enamel elephant pin for sale: That's cute.
Shopping companion: Yeah, do we know any Republicans with either breast cancer or the DTS?
–Housing Works, Hudson & 10th St
Twink: Okay, new rule, new rule! “If you can't fuck me standing up, you can't fuck me”.
Friend: Yeah.
Twink: Actually, that is a really good rule.
–Marie's Crisis Piano Bar, West Village
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Older woman to bored-looking male dinner companion, as they are seated at a table: Now we have to think of something to talk about.
–The Place, West Village
Overheard by: Colleen
Female grad student: I was trippy enough to talk to Shrek, but not trippy enough for him to answer.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Poogins
Hobo with huge afro chasing after two chatting women: Are you talking when the champion is speaking?! How dare you?
–2nd Ave & 9th St
Teacher to class entering auditorium: Children, stop talking! This is a building!
–College of Mount Saint Vincent
Man on cell: Ray Romano, you're talking to a millionaire!
–Chelsea
Overheard by: Katie
Girl on phone: It's just like, he seriously has a really squishy face that you can stick your finger in, and it goes like a million miles in, and you're just like "what the fuck!" But yeah, nothing happened, we just talked.
–Palladium Residence Hall, NYU
Gay male: I just want to get naked, go home, and smoke crack.
Fag hag, casually: Okay.
–Perry Street
Salesperson, after seeing Jewish last name on credit card: Sorry about all that craziness in Israel!
Jew: It's okay. We're used to it.
–Houston & Varick
20-something girl: And then they had another raffle and I won another 30 minutes of free porn and a vibrator.
–Chelsea Market
Overheard by: eSong
Man, talking to himself in the park: I don't discriminate against women. Women discriminate against me. Why? Because they have all different kinds of dildos.
–City Hall Park
Salesman, shouting to man with girlfriend: Have you been neglecting your butthole lately? I'm selling some nice greasy vibrators here!
–34th St
Overheard by: Jessica
30-something balding man on cell: Dildo and show…
–14th & 3rd
Woman to friends posing for picture: 1…2…3…say: "sex toys!"
–West Village
Mythology professor: Ares was a bit stupid, so Aphrodite was pretty much the brains of that operation. For her, he was basically just a living dildo.
–Hunter College
Overheard by: Sarah
Mother to small child: Well, the weather's nice today, so it's a good afternoon to go to the park, play on the playground, go on the swings, or attack daddy. (pause) Or…you know, whatever else you feel like doing.
–Gramercy
Overheard by: Max
Fancy woman waking out of building, on cell, during snow squall: It's either snow or debris. I can't tell.
–Grand Army Plaza
Overheard by: snow. trust me.
Five-year-old girl: It's snowing way too much in Columbus Circle! Fuck! I am going to file a complaint!
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: queenofscots
Older hot guy: It's as cold as a drunken French whore in the old Bastille days!
–W 4th St
Woman to neighbor: Hey, girl, do you see this snow? It's the end of the world!
(pause) Have a great day!
–140th St & Amsterdam
Nonchalant nerd, passing by vendor's booth: I like your space titties.
Shocked sexy space-suited booth babe: Oh, thanks. I like them too.
–Jacob Javits Center, ComicCon
Overheard by: Rob
