Unattractive fag hag: So we went out Friday and he slept over afterwards.
Gay male friend: I knew it!
Unattractive fag hag: Yeah, but then like, the next morning, I was in the other room and I overheard him talking on his cell phone and he was saying something about how I was a brown bagger. What does that mean, that it was in the bag? Like, I'm a slut?
Gay male friend: Uhhhh… something like that.
–L Train
Guy to girl: You're going to regret it for the rest of your life if you get the wrong salad.
–SoHo
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
Slender waitress to two large customers: Make sure you finish *all* of that! Especially the celery. That's my favorite part! (they look in disgust)
–Applebee's, Astoria
Yoga clothes-clad girl, loudly to friend: It is not a vegetable. It's a legume!
–6th Ave & W 12th St
Man to woman: So I sayz, "Lady, you're my cuppa tea alright, but I like the occasional cucumber, if you know what I'm sayin'…"
–Herald Square
Overheard by: Mira
Gay guy: I saw people coming out of the woods and I was like, "Aghhh! Corn children!"
–8th & 45th
Overheard by: i'd be scared, too
Sarah Jessica Parker's son: Do you know what kind of lettuce she likes?
–Washington Square
Overheard by: Brooke
Loud bar patron, reading new item on menu: Anybody know what artisan cheese is? Anybody at all? (mutters) Shit man, this is Astoria, we don't know no artisan cheese.
–Astoria
Overheard by: Jesse
Guy: He said "when you cum yourself." I looked at him and said "that is not how you say that."
–Hunter College
Overheard by: Jill
Girl to friend: So, you see, I was right! It's spelled w-h-e-r-e!
–McDonald's
Guy: And stop trying to rhyme words with other words.
–16th St & 8th Ave
Guy to girl: I am really into words, especially long ones. I love them, and like, collect them. There is a word for people like that, but it's pretty long, so I can't remember it.
–Q Train
Overheard by: Eavesdropper
Lady: He doesn't speak English good, so he gots deported.
–Park Slope
JAP #1: I hate when people use the word “do.”
JAP #2: (stares)
JAP #1: Like wrong.
–The Quad Cinema
Overheard by: selface
Girl #1: Wait, I thought you didn't eat meat?
Girl #2: I'm a pescetarian.
Girl #1: Oh. Aren't you Jewish?
–Sushi Samba, Park Ave
Super gay dude to equally gay friend: You can tell she's mad when she starts using adjectives.
–Starbucks, Astor Place
Overheard by: liat
Angry black man to white man standing too close: Fool, whatcha think you're doin? You tryin' to get all up on me? You don't know what I could do. I could bust a cap in yo ass. I'm an angry black man!
–Astor Place
Overheard by: Bex
Black man to Asian woman he's trying to hit on: Why won't you talk to me, baby? You still mad about the Korean war?
–145th & Broadway
Older woman on cell: Trixie, you have to stop kicking things when you get mad!
–40th & Broadway
Overheard by: Sean
Trampy Spanish girl to cranky Spanish guy: Why are you mad? It was just a blowjob, and he's your brother!
–West Village
Overheard by: Stifled A. Guffaw
Blonde #1, playing Mad Libs on train: Okay, give me an adverb.
Blonde #2: Wait, which one is that? I always get that confused with adjectives, or whatever.
Blonde #1: Adjectives describe things. Like saying a guy is hot, or something. Adverbs describe like, actions and stuff. Okay? So, gimme an adverb.
Blonde #2: Vibration. Does that count?
Blonde #3: Well, let's put “vibratorily.”
–Train, Penn Station
Overheard by: Highly Entertained
Teenager #1: I said “my fault.”
Teenager #2: You said “my bad”? “My bad” is not “I'm sorry”!
–Penn Station
Headline by: Ty
Runners-Up:
· “Actually, “My Bad” Is Like the Hawaiian “Aloha” …” – erkala
· “And That’s How Grammy and Grampy Made Me, Kids” – Kam
· “The Bush Twins Learned Early From Their Father….” – Lani Waters
· “The Fact That a Teenager Apologized Should Be Enough” – shenanigans
· “Yeah, Judas!” – mk
Mom: I've told you to stop cursing so much!
Daughter: And I've told you, if I stopped cursing all the time, the other words in my sentences would get lonely!
–Central Park
Overheard by: Katherine
