Wednesday One-Liners Are Into Water Sports

Tourist guy: Every step is a new adventure! [step] Diesel! [step] Vomit! [step] Urine!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Carrie

Hipster: If you drink someone’s pee ever again, I won’t talk to you.

–45th & Lex

Drunk chick: I demand a urine scent!

–Macdougal Ale House, Macdougal St

Dude: I’m serious, guys, use the bathrooms. No more peeing in bottles!

–Grand Central

Overheard by: eviltwin

Woman on cell: Look, I’m sorry I had to use that kind of language on you, but, yo, how you gonna just whip out your penis and start pissin’ on the train with everyone watchin’?

–Shea Stadium

Overheard by: Juan Chung

Mid-20’s woman: Girl, I had to pee so bad but I figured I’d wait for that nigga to cum, and all of a sudden shit came leaking down my leg and he said, “Damn, girl, you have to get that shit fixed.”

–6 train, 51st St

Overheard by: Jason Labutka

Posted on September 6, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Pee, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liners Are Gaga in Gotham

Ghetto girl on cell: How you ‘spect me to find you? This map has, like, so many places on it!

–Brooklyn Botanical Gardens

Overheard by: vix

Tourist: But we are in SoHo!

–16th & 6th

Overheard by: Yours Truly

Tourist to MTA agent: Which train do I need to take to get to South Ho?

–W 4th St subway station

Overheard by: Emily

Teenage tourist: Ohmigod…CBGB… BCBG…Whatever. We totally have to go!

–22rd & 5th

Overheard by: zr

Tourist lady, pointing to Liberty Island: There are people over there. Why are there people over there?!

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: Not quite sure

Jappy tourist: Hey, we’re trying to get back to New York Island; do you know the best way to get to 48th and 8th Avenue?

–2nd St between A & B

Overheard by: Where Am I?

Yuppie tourist: Christina, Christina! Is this Ground Zero?

–5th Ave, outside Plaza Hotel

Overheard by: D

Posted on September 6, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ground Zero, NYC Geography, Public Transportation, Stupidity, Tourism, Travel, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liners Enter a Persistent Vegetative State

Hipster on cell: Yo, eggplant can be vegetarian, right?

–77th between 2nd & 3rd

Overheard by: Anonymous Ambivore

Middle-Aged woman: Damn vegetarians, always trying to take over the world.

–Starbucks, 51st & Broadway

Overheard by: Emaline

Girl: Are bums allowed to be vegetarian?

–Chipotle, 6th Ave between 21st & 22nd

Overheard by: Rabid-Panda

Guy: She’s vegetarian?! I thought she was an alcoholic?

–B7 bus

Shrewd observer: You’ve had way too much cock in your mouth to be vegan.

–Outside The Lucky Cat, 245 Grand St, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Constintina

Shoeshine man to group of young people: It ain’t natural. Our bodies, they have the hormones to digest meat. If we were like a goat–and not to insult you, miss, ’cause you’re prettier than a goat–but then that’s okay that we don’t eat meat. But we ain’t. We’re carnivores. If you’re a vegetarian, you gotta listen to your body. It’s tellin’ you: “Meat me!” You know, like, “Meat me!”

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: jacqmander

Posted on August 23, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bus, Diet/Weight, Food, Girls, Guys, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Vegetarian & Vegan, Williamsburg, Women

Statutory Wednesday One-Liners

Tourist: I want to have sex. I’m old enough!

–Outside Cold Stone Creamery, 42nd St

20-Something frat boy: Ya know, something tells me my wife hasn’t even been born yet…

–6 train, Astor Place

Overheard by: Al

Young woman: If I were a pedophile, I would be the best pedophile ever because nobody would suspect me!

–6 train

Overheard by: Innocent bystander

Man, trying on glasses: No, these make me look like a pedophile.

–9th Street Optical, 9th St between 5th & 6th, Brooklyn

Chick on cell: Yes, I got fired at my job! Yes, I got fired at Barely Legal! I got tired of playing Twister in my pajamas.

–Airplane, LaGuardia Tarmac

Overheard by: Judy

Posted on August 23, 2006
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Clothing, Crime and Punishment, Frat Boys, Horny, Jobs & Careers, Kids, LaGuardia Airport, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Office, On Cell, On the Subway, Pop Culture, Porn, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, The Village, Tourists

If Wednesday One-Liners Can Make It Here, They Can Make It Anywhere

Chick: Nothing says New York like a wire frog.

–Battery Park

Lady who has loudly complained to the waiter about the poor service: It’s people like that who give New York City a bad name.

–Lindy’s, 7th Ave

Overheard by: joemikehap

Amateur anthropologist: Of course I have a snarky attitude! I’m a New Yorker; it’s practically a requirement!

–F train

Overheard by: Braincurve

Tourist on cell: Yeah! I’m in New York! Yeah, it’s kinda like New Orleans, except bigger and you can’t drink in the streets.

–Grand Central

Man on bicycle: New York is about freedom! Suck a dick!

–Astor Place

Overheard by: Laura

Guy watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre trailer: See, that’s why I never leave New York. You never see crazy motherfuckers like that in New York…except for niggas on the train.

–Regal Cinemas, Court St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Clitoris Rex

Little girl: There’s a lot of people in this New York City!

–Times Square

Posted on August 23, 2006
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Animals & Nature, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Etiquette, Grand Central, History & Geography, Lower Manhattan, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movie Theaters, Movies, On Cell, On the Subway, Only in New York, Penis, Pop Culture, Private Parts, Public Transportation, Restaurants & Cafes, Times Square, Tourism, Tourists, Trains Not Subway, Travel, U.S. Geography, Union Square and East Village, Waiters

Wednesday One-Liners Think ‘Un’ Is Also a Kind of Faithful

Ghetto guy: She know she got a man, but she’ll still gimme some. She know that!

–7 train

Young woman, screaming at young man: I dare you to fuck someone else again! I dare you!… You better not fuck anyone else! You better not!

–Hoyt-Schermerhorn station, Brooklyn

Queer on cell: Since when has your gaping hole decided to be faithful to your boyfriend?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Keith

Walking VD: When I first met you seven months ago I was kinda in another relationship. But now that that’s over, wanna get back in bed?

–32nd & 7th

Cop: So I’m fucking his wife for 6 years, and now he complains!

–238th & Broadway

Overheard by: Miriam

Posted on August 23, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Brooklyn, Cops, Dating, Hook Ups, Infidelity, Manhattan, Marriage, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, Penn Station, People, Pick-up Lines, Places, Private Parts, Queers, Sex, Sex & Relationships, The Bronx, Topics, Union Square and East Village, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Make the Beast With Two Backs

Overweight hobo: The only things I look forward to in life are mayonnaise and sex!

–57th & 7th

Woman on cell: When sex turns into math, you’ve got trouble on your hands.

–Union Square

Overheard by: McFreaky

Chick, screaming into cell: What a bitch! I swear, it’s getting harder and harder to fuck your co-worker and get away without people finding out!

–JFK

Overheard by: Pixie

Realist on cell: Well you can’t expect every guy you sleep with to call you back.

–53rd & 6th

Man to female date: So, basically, you sleep with people out of hilarity?

–St Mark’s & 2nd

Overheard by: Diane

Business woman: No, I told her I’d rather have sex with my husband than buy her products. And then she hung up on me.

–Chipotle, 22nd & 6th

Posted on August 23, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Food, Questions, Sex, Shopping, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Weirdness

Stand Clear of the Wednesday One-Liners, Please

Conductor: We know it’s Monday, and we’re sorry, but we still want to wish you a good week.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Hates Mondays

Conductor: This is the 5:50 super duper express train to Great Neck.

–LIRR

Overheard by: vm

Conductor: This is an uptown D train, making stops to wherever I want.

–Uptown D train

Overheard by: tired commuter

Conductor: 207th Street. Last stop. Everyone wake up and get the fuck off my train; I want to go home. Thanks for riding MTA.

–Uptown A train, 207th St

Overheard by: How far north can you go?

Conductor: Stand clear of the…uh…opening doors.

–Q train, 57th St

Overheard by: K. Chas

Conductor: Everybody out. This is the last stop on the Manhattan bound L train. You must use the Brooklyn bound L train and connect to the G to the A or C trains for service to Manhattan. [The train empties] Hahaha. Just kidding! Everybody back on. This train is going to Manhattan.

–Manhattan bound L train

Overheard by: Taylor G.

Conductor: Good morning, Manhattan, it’s Friday. We can do this! This is a Brooklyn bound 1 train. It’s 7:54. You’ve got plenty of time!

–1 train

Posted on August 23, 2006
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Conductors, Directions, On the Subway, Trains Not Subway

Wednesday One-Liners Are Hip-Deep in Vintage Crap

Drunk teen: You know, hipsters would be more successful as a movement if they had a purpose.

–Union Sq Park

Overheard by: Martina

Girl: I like to call the guys I’ve fucked by their jobs: The Cowboy, The Olympian, The Firefighter, The Soldier. Maybe tonight I can add The Hipster. They don’t have careers, do they?

–Brooklyn bound L train

Guy on cell: Yeah, I’m like 3 hipsters deep right now.

–Siren Festival, Coney Island

Girl: I see these hipster girls and they’re in those little skirts with the high heels, and they’re on their bikes. I’m like, what are you doing? I hope you get hit by a car.

–1st Ave between 6th & 7th

Overheard by: Kira