All Wednesday One-Liners

What Is Art? Are We Art? Are Wednesday One-Liners Art?

Older gay guy on cell: In the 60s, you didn't need to have passion or talent to be an artist; you just needed to have a van, because no one else was going to haul your shitty art around.

–7th Ave & 14th St

Overheard by: Miss C

Girl reading sign at Frank Lloyd Wright museum: Oh… He was an architect!

–Guggenheim Museum

Overheard by: Antartic

Mom to little girl: If you look at too much art in one day, you'll turn into a statue.

–MoMA

Guy on phone: Yeah, she said she didn't think I would want to go, but why the fuck not? I'll go to a fucking museum if I fucking want to. I'll look at some paintings and shit.

–Downtown Brooklyn

Overheard by: Mark McLaughlin

12-year-old boy, looking at Picasso paintings: This is totally my thing, man, it's like free porn.

–MoMA

Who Let the Wednesday One-Liners Out?

Queer, to his German Shepherd: Steven, don’t play these mind games with me!

–23rd & 8th

Man, restraining his dog from following another dog across the street: C’mon, buddy. It wasn’t meant to be.

–6th St & 7th Ave, Park Slope

Woman dragging her dog away from another dog who is barking frantically: You know what? You’re just cuter than her. That’s why she’s so upset.

–Ditmars Blvd, Astoria

Overheard by: sara n.

Cop to his whining German Shepherd: Awww, what’s wrong baby? Did you see an asshole?

–West 4th Station

Wednesday One-Litters

Little girl to mother: I don't wanna be a lawyer anymore, when I grow up I wanna be a cat!

–Chelsea

Woman to friend: I mean, he's just so anti-social! He has like 19 cats!

–Lafayette & Prince

Girl to friend: My cat is a flaming homosexual.

–34th & 5th

Girl: And so she says, "let's follow the cat!" So we do, and the cat leads us to a pile of heroin!

–Cafeteria, Barnard College

Frases De Miercoles

Young guy on cell: You're lucky I'm Colombian. If I was Ecuadorian, I'd be slapping you!

–Jackson Heights

Overheard by: Jobee

Angry man walking alone, to himself: I could have married a Dominican, but no, I decided not to!

–Mercer & Broome

Teen girl to friend: Your new Mexican is super creepy.

–On Line for the Colbert Report, Hell's Kitchen

Guy on cell: No, no, man, she's Puerto Rican. I'm just sayin' she's Dominican 'cause it sounds hotter.

–105 St & Lexington

Thug holding box of maxi pads: Yo, that motherfucker is like the gay Mexican Marlon Brando. Classic…

–CVS

Overheard by: Karen

Wednesday One-Liners from the Hobogenous Zone

Homeless lady to another: So you’re a certified drug addict, right?

–23rd & Broadway

Homeless man with bag: Ladies and Gentlemen, I have this Liz Claiborne pocketbook for sale. A 60-dollar value for 35 dollars. [Pause] I have this pocketbook for sale. A 50-dollar value and I’m selling it for only 40 dollars. [Pause] Anybody got change for a five? Ladies and Gentlemen, I got a Claiborne bag valued at 80 dollars but I’m sellin’ it for 25. Man, this is a nice bag. If you people don’t buy, I’ll just keep it for myself.

–Brooklyn-bound N train

Overheard by: Jennifer

Hobo: But I made a huge mistake, see? I spent eight dollars and 92 cents on Arm and Hammer!

–84th & Broadway

Overheard by: Alex

Homeless guy: Valet service, right here! Valet service!

–Pelham Bay Station

Overheard by: SilentButDeadly

Hobo to hot chick: Wow! You’re the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen in my life!

–Broadway & 116th

Rapping panhandler: I accept cash, checks, food stamps, benefit cards, money orders…

–Downtown 1 train

Street bum: [To no one] I’ll be back right after these messages.

–Bleecker & Elizabeth

Overheard by: al b

Wednesday One-liners: Questions

Fat old lady: Do you happen to know who wrong the song “Who Let the Dogs Out”?

–Barnes & Noble, 22nd Street

Old woman: What do you want me to talk about? You don’t want to hear about my dog. You don’t want to hear about my cat. What else is there to talk about?

–N train

Overheard by: Nim G

Blueblood woman: Yesterday I was in here and got 2 tomatoes and left them here. Have they been found?

–Bleecker Street grocery

Not Another Teen Wednesday One-Liner

Teen in sideways cap: I touched it, but I didn't like it.

–Uptown A Train

Overheard by: Ladle

Student: Dude, I think I'm dyslexic with stairs.

–Stuyvesant High School

Teen, seriously: No… Webkinz are definitely a lot more high-maintenance then neopets.

–Downtown 6 Train

Teenage boy: I want to be a Senator or something like that. Like, the Government is the best place to have sex.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Punk teen to friends: Even though it seemed like she was into things, now she's not into anything.

–Union Square

Overheard by: i don't like stuff either

Wednesday One-liners Listen to Bauhaus

Guy: Dead girls? Come on. I’m afraid of real girls. Dead girls are even scarier.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Carrie

Guy: …he’s still living that zombie-turtle lifestyle…

–14th between University & 5th

Overheard by: Joe Strike

Lady on cell: …so we were at this goth club and I moonwalked into someone…

–72nd & Columbus

Woman: I wouldn’t fit in this even if I was cremated.

–Macy’s

Overheard by: kathy duby

Man: If it wasn’t for his suicide, Terry and I would never have met.

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Rick Segall

Wednesday One-Liners Read Body Language

Gangster into cell: Hold your hand up like a antenna, and maybe your budget-ass phone would work.

–E 5th & 2nd Ave

Wednesday One-Liners with Two Percent Body Fat

Hipster girl to another: Yeah, everyone has a crush on him, but he’s got halitosis. And a concave chest!

–MoMA

Hipster chick to friend: Whoa. I just felt totally suffocated by capitalist society.

–NYU

Hipster in rainbow moonboots: So I say to this girl as I’m roofie-ing her juice box…

–Union Square

Overheard by: eliza

Hipster chick on cell: Hello? Hey! Guess what? I found my underwear!

–1st Ave

Overheard by: Aria Grillo

Hipster: I mean, you can’t just rock a sombrero and think that it’s cool.

–6th & 10th

Overheard by: El

Hipster chick to tourist friends: … And across the street is where Albert Greenberg lived for a while.

–E 2nd St, across street from Allen Ginsberg’s former walkup

Overheard by: midtown_strangler

Hipster chick: I wanna create a website: Nine-Eleven — get over it.

–4 train

Overheard by: Hurtz donit

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