Wednesday One-Liners Calculate the Circular Pigmented Area

Coed: When my nipple-hairs pop up, that means I'm done.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Hobo to tiny sexy Asian girl wearing tank top on chilly day: Two nipples for a dime?

–9th Ave & 14th St

Cute gay chick on cell: I am aware that it's pride month, but I still like to keep sharp objects away from my nipples. My gay forefathers did not fight at Stonewall so that I might wear body jewelry.

–4th Ave & 11th St, Brooklyn

Mother to little boy: Those are not meant to be shown in public; nipples are private things.

–A Train

Overheard by: g-lime

Crazy guy, yelling: When I see my nipples in the mirror, I look away!

–Bedford Ave

Overheard by: Zach Rock Steady

Posted on October 28, 2009
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Brooklyn, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Coworkers, Crazies, Fashion, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Hair, Hobos, Kids, Lesbians, Moms, Money & Class, Nipples, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Physical appearance, S&M, Street, The Village, Time, War, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

I Miss My High School Wedgie-and-Swirlie Friends

Thug selling rap CDs on the corner to nervous Asian boy walking by: Yo, man, you know you want a CD.
Nervous Asian boy: (keeps walking)
Thug, hitting Asian boy on shoulder: You better buy a fucking CD.
Nervous Asian boy: No, thank you. (begins walking faster and turns to friend) You know, I could really see being friends with that guy.

–8th & Broadway

Overheard by: Kay

Posted on October 23, 2009
Asians, Boys, Friends, Friendship, Insults, Music, The Village, Threats, Thugs, Vendors & Street Performers, Weirdness

Budweiser's New Ad Campaign Is Edgier Than Ever

Asian girl #1: Ew, I don't like the taste of beer.
Asian girl #2: Yeah, but if you don't drink beer and get used to the taste, people will date-rape you.

–Q Train

Overheard by: quesito

Posted on October 19, 2009
Asians, Dating, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, On the Subway, Rape, Sensory Experiences, Weirdness

I Was Just Joking About It Having Been in a Mule's Ass.

Brunette girl: (enters elevator and stares angrily at Asian girl next to her, then leaves elevator)
Asian girl, to guy next to her: Oh my god!
Guy: What?
Asian girl: That was the same girl! I stuck a dildo in her mouth while we were all drunk last night.
Guy: Haha.
Asian girl: I don't know why she's mad at me. Like, what's the big deal, get over it.
Guy: Yeah, seriously.

–Chelsea

Posted on October 19, 2009
Anger Management, Asians, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dildos and Vibrators, Drinking & Drunk People, Elevators, Girls, Guys

Control-Alt-Wednesday One-Liners

Lady with no teeth to bathroom attendant: I love your sparkly eyeshadow! The doctor who did my second abortion had the same eyeshadow!

–Public Restroom, Bryant Park

Overheard by: Slydell

Girl on cell: I would rather have diabetes than get an abortion.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Kári Emil

Asian hipster girl: Abortion, abortion, abortion, Aids!

–NYU Dorm

Overheard by: i'll take the next elevator

Teen on cell: I've never been a fan of abortion, but if we could just make this little mistake go away.

–Penn Station

Hipster girl to friends: I mean, I think it should be a choice. Like, I'm not pro-abortion. Actually, I am pro-abortion. I think we should all have been aborted. Our parents made the wrong choice.

–2 Train

Guy on cell: I've pooped in the bushes and an abortion clinic, but never on the floor.

–The Gate, Park Slope

Overheard by: Nathan

Posted on October 14, 2009
Abortion, AIDS, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Bars & Clubs, Bryant Park, Clerks, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Illness, Makeup, NYU, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Park Slope, Parks, Penn Station, Poop, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Teens, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Yo Soy Wednesday-One-Liner!

Hobo with guitar, singing: My girl! That white girl is my girl! She may look like Brooke Shields but she's my girl! My girl! Oooh-ooh… Come on, everybody, sing with me, Puerto Ricans, too!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Tater

Drunk Puerto Rican father to man on train, yelling: The capital of Puerto Rico is the Bronx, bitch!

–6 Train

Overheard by: Alice Dalice

Guy, about some girls: I tried to tell them I was Puerto Rican, but they kept saying I was from Spain and called me a douchebag.

–East Village

Overheard by: NYCGlamDiva

Diner waitress: Just because he's Puerto Rican don't mean he's a cheetah.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: monkey girl

Asian girl to Hispanic guy: Come on! She's, like, the Puerto Rico of Asia!

–Jamba Juice, Mercer & Houston

Posted on September 16, 2009
About Celebrities, Animals & Nature, Asians, Baristas, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Drunks, Foreigners, Girls, Global Geography, Guys, Hobos, Insults, Latinos, Musicians, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, Passengers, Physical appearance, Puerto Ricans, Restaurants & Cafes, Singing, Soho, Stupidity, U.S. Geography, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners

Weren't You Listening? It's a Mammal Thing.

Hot Asian boyfriend: Yeah… Once, I was really wasted and I had to piss so badly. I just pissed in the cab that I was in.
Pretty Asian girlfriend: You mean you pissed in your pants in a cab?
Hot Asian boyfriend: No, stupid! Right before I got out, I whipped it out and just pissed as quietly as I could.
(Pretty Asian girlfriend stops walking and just stares at him)
Hot Asian boyfriend: What?
Pretty Asian girlfriend, looking away: Poor cab driver! Oh, that poor soul… Who am I dating? (shakes head)
Hot Asian boyfriend: What? A man's got a right to mark his territory sometimes. Dogs do it too!
Pretty Asian girlfriend: Did you own that taxi cab?
Hot Asian boyfriend: No.
Pretty Asian girlfriend: Then why the hell did you pee on something that wasn't yours?

–Astor Place

Overheard by: poor cab driver

Posted on September 14, 2009
Asians, Boyfriends, Cars and Driving, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Girlfriends, Man's Best Friend, Pee, Questions, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Would Like to Thank the Academy

Girl to a friend: I was piss drunk when I saw The Passion Of The Christ.

–Chelsea

Skateboarding juvenile delinquent to crew: We are totally like the movie Kids, all that's left is for me to get Aids.

–Mott & Prince

Overheard by: Dirty needle or gay sex, your choice

Suit to another: The soundtrack to Big Top Pee-wee was amazing.

–St. Mark's Place

Seven-year-old Asian boy to mother, during the movie Up: He loved and he lost…

–Regal Union Square Theater

Crazy 30-something man: Excuse me! You probably think I'm looking for money. I'm not. But I'm looking for a companion! A girl, aged 18 to 25, and she must have a DVD player, so we can watch movies!

–1 Train

Overheard by: nella

Posted on September 9, 2009
AIDS, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Chinatown, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Dating, Drinking & Drunk People, Film, Friends, Girls, Guys, Jesus, Kids, Love, Moms, Money & Class, Movies, Music, On the Subway, One-liners, Pick-up Lines, Skaters, Street, Stupidity, Suits, Theater, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

WTF?

Asian cabbie: I am happy cabbie!
Man: I'm sure you are! (goes to hail another cab)
Asian cabbie: You google me! You google, happy cabbie, happy cabbie!

–Ave of the Americas

Posted on September 8, 2009
Asians, Cabbies, Cars and Driving, Google, Happiness, Men, Street, Weirdness

…And You Refused to Ask That Guy for Directions.

Asian girlfriend: Do you know where you're going? Are you gonna get me lost again?
Ghetto Asian boyfriend: I know what I'm doing.
Asian girlfriend: That's what you said when we were in bed.

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Adriana

Posted on September 3, 2009
Asians, Couples, Questions, Sex, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Asians