Wednesday Funbag-Liners

Teenage girl: Ohmigod. Doesn't she know that the "having big boobs" thing is, like, not in anymore?

–86th St

Overheard by: Kevin

Girl to another: It splashed on my boob… Then he slurped it off!

–Charles & 4th

Overheard by: Eric

20-something guy, singing: I wanna touch some boobs. I wanna touch some boobs. I wanna touch some boobs. I wanna find my motherfucking sock, 'cause I don't know where it is. I wanna touch some boobs…

–Pratt Institute

Angry hobo to college chick with big boobs zipping up her jacket: Don't put them titties away!

–5th & 21st

Elderly woman to husband: I keep my business in my bosom!

–Carnegie Deli

Posted on December 5, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Body Parts, Clothing, College, Couples, Delis, Girls, Guys, Height, Hobos, Licking, Old People, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Rack, Sensory Experiences, Singing, Strangers, Teens, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners

Because Robert Frost Just Isn't Ghetto Enough

Guy: Just know I chose my own fate: I drove by the fork in the road and went straight. Isn't it deep? I'm getting it tattooed on my shoulder.
Girl: Who are you quoting?
Guy: Jay-Z.

–34th St, Penn Station

Overheard by: No Lie

Headline by: Lauren

Runners-Up:
· “”99 Problems But a Bitch Ain’t One” Was Taken” – Cass
· “Just How Big Is Your Shoulder?” – porter
· “Maybe You Should Tattoo That Between Your Legs…” – LPS
· “Monkeys With Typewriters Couldn’t Ever End Up With Gold Like That” – Caitorade
· “The Confucious Of Our Generation” – Fresca

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on December 2, 2015
Body Parts, Girls, Guys, Headline Contest Winners, Music, Penn Station, Questions, Tattoos

Add Some Lazer Tag and It’s Scientology

Guy: So I don’t get it…shouldn’t doctors be the ones who do circumcisions?
Girl: Um…they do.
Guy: Well I thought, you know, those guys in the robes with the altar and the ceremony…Oh wait, that’s baptism.

–Times Square

Posted on November 23, 2015
Body Parts, Christianity, Circumcision, Judaism, Private Parts, Times Square

Scalpel…Corkscrew…

Teen girl #1: Ew, foreskin, like why? Get circumcised. Clean it up.
Teen girl #2: Seriously. Right. Oh god I’d never go down on a guy with foreskin, not even the guy I’m marrying.
Teen girl #1: I’d be like, take care of it and then talk to me.
Teen girl #2: Seriously.

–47th St & 21st Ave, Astoria

Overheard by: Thankfully Circumcised

Posted on November 3, 2015
Astoria, BJs, Body Parts, Fashion, Health and Hygiene, Marriage, Queens, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Teens

There's No Pill for What Wednesday One-Liners Have

Nervous hipster: You know, it's really true what they say about friends with eczema…

–50th & 8th

Overheard by: chris

Guy on cell: So she got cancer, big fuckin deal!

–1st Ave & St. Mark's

Man on cell: Next time they call, just politely say there's no one here with diabetes.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Lola Black

Woman exiting car: There's this bump between my ass and cooch. I think I should get that checked.

–W 4th St

20-something guy to 40-something woman: Look, I'm not saying I'm not concerned about my hand being sticky, but I'm more concerned about malaria.

–Café

Posted on November 1, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Body Parts, Cancer, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Friendship, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Hipsters, Illness, Insults, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Parks, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Are Always PC

Young teen girl: I've done cybersex so often I forgot how to type with two hands.

–A Train

Suit on cell: I have nothing to blog about. I have nothing to video blog about. Man, yesterday I had to force myself to tweet!

–Uptown 4 Train

Overheard by: cowgirly

Girl selling peaches to another: Yeah, my dad was so unsympathetic when I told him my computer crashed that I went straight to the Apple store and charged a new hard drive to his credit card. I was really proud of myself.

–Fort Greene Farmers Market

Overheard by: Morning Glory

Teenage girl to friend: I don't see why we're even here. We could see all this stuff on the internet for free.

–Metropolitan Museum

Overheard by: Derek

Posted on October 10, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Computer, Free stuff!, Friends, Girls, Internet, Masturbation, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Sex, Shopping, Suits, Teens, The Met, Visual Art, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Jurassic Wednesday One-Liners

College guy: These are the best dinosaurs I've eaten all day!

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center Campus

Ecstatic five-year-old girl: The dinosaurs! I can't wait to see the dinosaurs!

–Metropolitan Museum of Art

Overheard by: Miss Guided

Hippie girl: Yeah, I don't know about the eyeballs, but the dinosaurs are great!

–39th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Natalie

Girl on stoop: Yo, man, I wish our dinosaurs could talk.

–St. Mark's & 3rd

Overheard by: Anna P.

Girl on cell: Because–you know what? Because I don't etch on my DVDs with pterodactyls!

–Court Street, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Danielle

Guy rooting through trash: If you were a dinosaur I'd be a dinosaur right beside you.

–W 80th & Amsterdam

Posted on October 1, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Food, Fordham, Girls, Guys, Hippies, Kids, Movies, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Students, The Met, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Nos Morituri Te Wednesday One-Liners

Boat PA: Ladies and gentlemen on the top deck of the boat, please do not stand on the benches. If you fall overboard, you will die in this frigid, freezing water. Thank you, and enjoy your visit to Ellis island.

–Ellis Island Ferry

Overheard by: land lubber

Urban sophisticate: Steve Irwin’s death was random. That stingray did not know where his heart was!

–Metropolitan Opera

Overheard by: Opera Onlooker

Male suit to woman suit: So, hopefully you’re not the angel of death… Are you?

–53rd & Broadway

Overheard by: S&B

Teen guy to three teenage girls: I’m pretty sure I’m invincible and can’t die.

–6th Ave

Overheard by: Justin

Woman on cell: My trip went really well, except for Marilyn’s* death and all.

–52nd St & Madison

Overheard by: kinicke

50-something professor: So, then the little girl goes back up into her room where she is reading bible verses while everyone else is in church. Then, she either dies all alone… Like Heath Ledger… Or she kills herself. We just don’t know.

–Barnard College

Posted on October 1, 2015
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Body Parts, Church, Columbia (& Barnard), Compare/Contrast, Death, Ferry, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Ivy League, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Questions, Religion, Suicide, Suits, Teachers/Professors, Teens, Theater, Threats, Tourism, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women

They’re Filled with Menses

Guy: That’s pretty ballsy.
Chick: Honey, I have testicles. The reason I don’t wear skirts is not ’cause of my chicken legs, it’s ’cause I don’t want people to see my huge, hanging testicles.
Guy: …well, all right.

–44th & 5th

Overheard by: Kevin

Posted on September 28, 2015
Balls, Body Parts, Clothing, Girls, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen

Body Parts