Wednesday One-Liners Long to Be THOUGHT of As Ferocious

Guy walking to rehearsal: I mean, he's really cute in that way that makes you want to hit him with a desk.

–Steinhardt Building, NYU

Middle school girl (about poster for condoms): Ewwww, at least they could've put cute gay guys!

–Q train

Overheard by: Robert

Vapid high school chick: Oh my god, I just found out that he's actually dating a freshman. And not even one of the cute ones either…she's like, brown.

–Central Park

Obviously gay boy screaming into cell: Jeremy, why the fuck didn't you tell me the massage therapist you sent me to does erotic massage? All I wanted was a place to relax! (pause) Yeah, halfway through he started jacking me off! (pause) Seriously? He never did that to you? (pause) Don't be offended. You're cute. He just could probably tell I have a big dick and couldn't keep his hands off it.

–Broadway & 20th St

Dude to friends: Did I tell you guys about the girl that I hooked up with the other night? She totally looked like a beaver… (awkward silence) …but I mean a really cute beaver.

–Ace Bar, 5th St b/w Ave A & Ave B

Overheard by: Santa's Boy Toy

Girl on cell: Tim's cute, I just wish he didn't love Jesus so much.

–N Train

Posted on September 17, 2008
Beauty, Boys, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Hook Ups, Jesus, Masturbation, On Cell, Penis, Queer guys, Race, Teens, Tweens, Violence, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Otherwise Known As Fat Cow Disease

Adorable little boy: Mommy, can I have a Hershey bar?
Mom: Yes.
Adorable little boy: I want this big one.
Mom: You can't have a candy bar that big…you might catch the obesity virus.

–Broadway & 2nd

Posted on September 16, 2008
Boys, Default, Diet/Weight, Illness, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, The Village

When Home-Schooling Attacks!

(moon is covered by a cloud)
Five-year-old boy: Where is the moon?
Mom (looking everywhere): Once it's full it goes back to the beginning, so no moon tonight.

–86th & 5th

Overheard by: Stephanie

Posted on September 16, 2008
Boys, Default, Education, Kids, Moms, Questions, Stupidity, Upper East Side

Okay, “Divine Joy.” But Close Enough

High school girl: On the internet, Nike will let you put your name on some dunks.
High school boy: They gonna let you put “hooker” on their shoe?
High school girl (pissed): I told you that ain't my name!

–W. 72nd Station

Posted on September 14, 2008
Boys, Default, Girls, Insults, Internet, Nicknames & name calling, Questions, Shoes, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Words

Didn't You Watch the Video We Gave You for Christmas?

Father: Hurry up or we'll be late! If we're late mommy is gonna spank you!
Toddler son: (shocked look)
Father: I'm kidding, mommy would never spank you, mommy would spank daddy.
Toddler son: Mommy spanks daddy?
Father (with a devious smile): Mommy spanks daddy all the time!

–Sheep Meadow, Central Park

Posted on September 12, 2008
Boys, Central Park, Dads, Default, Kids, Parents, Threats, Time, Violence, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners, Eh?

Conductor: This is the train from Grand Central to North White Plains. Next stop is Botanic Gardens. We do not go to Canada. Next stop is Botanic Gardens.

–Metro-North Train

Guy with heavy Brooklyn accent: I don't want to go to a place like Canada if I don't know where it is!

–Avenue of the Americas

Overheard by: Mike

20-something preppy boy (yelling into his phone): It's not racist to hate Canadians! Canadians are not a race!

–8th St & 6th Ave

Man on cell: What? He jumped off a bridge? You have to be Canadian to jump off a bridge!

–Times Square

Tourist: Man, I'm way too Canadian for this escalator.

–Grand Central Station

Overheard by: escal-eh?-tor

Posted on September 10, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Canadians, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Global Geography, Grand Central, Guys, Men, On Cell, Preppies, Public Transportation, Race, Stupidity, The Village, Times Square, Tourism, Tourists, Travel, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners' Drawings Are All Over the Refrigerator

Little kid looking out subway window: Look mom! The projects!

–N Train

Overheard by: patricia

Three-year-old girl to mom looking at a painting: Why am I so biiiggggg?

–Brooklyn Museum

Overheard by: alison

Little boy, whining to his mother while following her the wrong way through IKEA: We're never going to get out of here!

–IKEA, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Lost In Space

Small child: Look at that pigeon, mommy, I want to eat it!

–Central Park

Overheard by: Natalie

Two-year-old girl (shaking her ass): Hubba hubba!

–Central Park

Little boy: Mommy! Let's go look at the hos now!

–Museum of Natural History, Native American Exhibit

Pudgy Asian kid standing in circle of sitting summer campers: The capital of Thailand is Bangkok! Who wants a tea bag?

–Brooklyn College

Overheard by: Thaibag

Posted on September 10, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Birds, Boys, Brooklyn, Central Park, College, Fears, Food, Girls, Kids, Museum of Natural History, NYC Geography, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Questions, Store, Upper East Side, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Hire Professional Mourners

Drunk dude getting restrained: No, you don't understand. I could murder anyone! Not like my family. My family's all pussies… They're all Ricky Martin!

–Outside Nightcaps, Midwood

Dreadlocked lesbian: I can feel in my heart of hearts that you'll be okay, baby. You didn't kill anybody, you paid a guy to kill somebody.

–Lesbian Bar, Park Slope

Overheard by: gvw

Elderly Eastern European woman to elderly man: A dyke can kill three thousand woman! Most killer in de' world!

–Bedford Avenue & N 10th St, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Ken Thompson

Little boy exiting bathroom: You're not the only one alive here!

–Regal Cinemas, Union Square

Overheard by: MeiLi

Girl to friend: If I died, and you heard about it–please burn me.

–Astoria, 21st St

Professional woman to another: Well, because I know that you are opposed to genocide and everything…

–Union Square

Three-year-old black girl stabbing at her SpaghettiO's: Die cracker die!

–Day Care Center, Bedford-Stuyvesant, Brooklyn

Posted on September 10, 2008
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Bars & Clubs, Black People, Boys, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Death, Drunks, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Kids, Lesbians, Movie Theaters, Murder, Offers and requests, Old People, Park Slope, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Women

We Just Don't Have the Upper Body Strength to Lift the Victory Trophies

Boy: So, why can guys flaunt their sexual conquests and girls can't?
Girl: Well duh, that's just how biology works!

–113th & Broadway

Posted on September 9, 2008
Boys, Compare/Contrast, Default, Gender issues, Girls, Questions, Science, Sexuality, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Then Go With My Blessing, Caped Crusader

Mother of four-year-old boy (looking at display case): Wait up for me, Jack. Don't go on the escalator without me.
Four-year-old boy: It's okay, I can do it.
Mother of four-year-old: No, Jack. Wait for me.
Four-year-old boy: It's okay, mom. I can go up by myself.
Mother of four-year-old: Jack. Don't go up without me.
Four-year-old boy: Mom. It's okay. I can do it. I'm wearing my lucky Batman underwear.

–Macy's

Posted on September 6, 2008
Boys, Clothing, Default, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Store, Superheroes

Boys