Italian man: Did you see that Along Came Polly? Bah! Pile of shit! It has that Jew actor. Ben Stiller. You know Ben Stiller? From the Dodgeball movie? It’s the one where they throw the balls at each other. Now that movie’s pretty good! That movie you should see!
–Greenpoint
Overheard by: Katy K
Impossibly old lady in wheelchair: That's too bad. I don't like to stroll; I like to have a destination.
Caregiver lady pushing wheelchair: Where would you like to go, then?
Impossibly old lady in wheelchair: Bed!
–Prospect Park
Old Russian man (loudly): I like big tutus!
Bank teller: Yes, okay.
Old Russian man: Like my wife!
–Apple Bank, 86th St
Overheard by: hatia
Student: Yeah, someone who plays the cello is a cellist, someone who makes art is an artist, and someone who writes poetry is a poist.
–Hunter College High School
Heavily accented Asian cashier to heavily accented Asian coworker: What!? Speaka English, por favor.
–J2 Deli, W 18th St
Overheard by: nick m
Bimbo looking at scoreboard: I think the "e" stands for "exqualifications" You know, for when a player is "exqualified".
–Yankees Stadium
Lady: I know what I am, he ain't gonna labelize me.
–Washington Square Park
Real estate agent: And all the doormen and service staff are Easter European.
–Park Avenue
Overheard by: Looking for an apartment
Ghetto college girl: I'll talk to you later, I gots to get my learn on, girl.
–Brooklyn College
Overheard by: Corey
Woman on cell: Oh, and by the way, I called my mother to thank her. (pause) No, I said, "Mom, I'm calling on behalf of me and the girls to thank you very much." (longer pause) Well, she can just go fuck herself then.
–90th & Amsterdam Ave
Man on cell: You know a guy really likes a girl when he takes her home to meet his mom…and you know what, Sheila? You ain't never gonna meet my mom.
–South Slope, Brooklyn
Overheard by: smfd
Female college student to friend: We really need to cougarize your mom.
–111th & Broadway
Overheard by: Oh really
Guy: So, hey, my mom didn't die today.
–W 26th & 8th
Overheard by: Katie_AK
Girl sneaking into open conductor's room in front of the train: Next stop, your mother's asshole! Stand clear of the closing cheeks!
–6 Train
Overheard by: Adriana
Handbag seller on street corner: Yo! Tell yo mama I got her bag right here!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Taryn
Girl on cell: Yeah, I'm bussin' it for now, my mom's on this thing that I have to show her responsibility… I know, it's like I get up in the morning, I haven't gotten arrested in a while, and I have a job, what more do you want from me?
–Seguine Ave & Waterbury, Staten Island
Lady, seeing long line for toilet: What a long line! Is there anyone in the men's room? I'll use it, why not? It's the same! (Knocks on door, gets no answer. Opens door)
Lady: Woooooo! The smell!
(stands there for 30 seconds with grimace, complaining)
Poor little boy, coming out of bathroom, in shaky voice: There's… There's no one else in there.
–School, Bay Ridge, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Wallflower
Foreigner, about hot chick passerby: I would like to date her.
Passerby: I think you mean rape her.
–558 Driggs Ave, Brooklyn
Girl #1: He used to hang out at Bungalow 8 and do coke with Joaquin Phoenix all the time.
Guy #1: That’s so cool!
Girl #2: How can Joaquin Phoenix do coke? He’s a vegan!
Girl #1: Vegans can’t do coke?
Girl #2: Well, being vegan is supposedly to be all…conscious and stuff.
Guy #2: Does he think they make coke with meat?
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: ~dana
Guy #1: So, you taking the hot tub or what?
Guy #2: I'd rather have six years of my life than the hot tub.
Guy #1: Well, you don't really have a choice.
–Court St & Congress St
Overheard by: Matthew
