Woman #1 in line to man with Tim McGraw's “Skydiving” as ringtone: I thought I was the only person in the Bronx who listened to country music!
Man, laughing: Well, there's me, too.
Woman #2, further up the line: Me, too!
–Post Office, 187th St & Belmont Ave
Overheard by: eternal student
Bored bus driver: This is Eldar Avenue. Next stop is Kissena boulevard, and for those of you wearing headphones: blah blah blabbity blah.
–Q44
Overheard by: Carolyn S
Animated BoltBus driver: If you're talking on your BlackBerry, your strawberry, or to Halle Berry… Well, in that case, let me know…
–BoltBus
Bus driver: Ladies and gentlemen, please continue moving to the rear end of the bus. The sooner you move, the sooner we move. Thank you for your cooperation. (long pause) Those who are cooperating… ladies and gentlemen, please step in. Watch the closing door. It's about to close riiiiight now.
–101 Bus, Harlem
Bus driver: Now the road may get a bit bumpy. Just keep in mind it's not my fault, it's not the bus's fault, it's the asphalt.
–Port Authority Bus Terminal
Bus driver: On your left you'll see men wearing orange vests, they are volunteers, they are helping their community. (long pause) They entered through the back of the bus or jumped over the turnstiles, and got fined. They couldn't pay the ticket, so the city lets them work it off, only for a day or two, so they don't have to pay the ticket. So don't enter through the back of the bus or jump the turnstiles.
–Q43
Bus driver: Please keep your voices low when using your cell phones. Last week a woman refused to heed that advice, so I stranded her at the first rest stop. That was my mother.
–BoltBus
Overheard by: MilitantLezbian
Ghetto fabulous sister to another, walking out of bar: You gotta be a classy ho! Bitch!
–Fulton & Lafayette, Brooklyn
Woman on cell: No! He wants a fight and I'm going to fuck her up! I'm going to snap that bitch in half! (pause) I will snap that bitch in half! (pause) Okay, I love you too. (hangs up) Oh, she messed with the wrong bitch!
–27th St, between 6th and 7th
Overheard by: Hungry
Blonde yelling on cell: I was not being a bitch or picking a fight! I was saying "I love you, and these are my concerns"!
–27th St b/w Park Ave & Lexington
Overheard by: V
Girl to another: That's when I knew I was a bitch. My homegirl got kicked in the head by a ho… and I laughed!
–Coney Island Ave & Newkirk
30-something suit: I just need a bitch with an accent!
–34th St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: CourtSnort
Mom to son, after looking through his phone: Who is in your phone as b-i-t-c-h?
–M60 Bus
Overheard by: Jingles
Mother to teenage burnout daughter, holding corn pops: I'm not buying these for you… they're like styrofoam!
Teenage burnout daughter, yelling down aisle: They're delicious! And I dreamed about them last night!
(mother puts cereal back into cart and dances to her cell phone ringtone)
–Gristedes, 168th St
Woman on train to loud Puerto Rican woman on cell: Excuse me, can you please lower your voice?
Puerto Rican woman, into cell: This bitch just asked me to lower my voice!
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Emily
Lady looking at cellphone: Oh, it has free nationwide service. That means I can call anywhere in the world for free?
Boyfriend: No. Just in the nation.
Lady: Oh.
–Sprint Store, 42 & 6th
Hobo: Hey! Is that a cell phone?
Lady with thick NY accent: Yes, it is, sir.
Hobo: We're going to be eating them next week.
Lady, without missing a beat: Yeah, they taste great with butter.
–East Village
Overheard by: Joshua
Female black security guard to male black security guard: So you got two kids that you know of…
–MoMa
Security agent: You are now entering the metal detector area, so those of you with wooden cell phones should feel free to keep those in your pockets.
–JFK
Overheard by: Jason
Security guard to teens blocking entrance: Hmm, just what I need at 9 am, a motherfucking school group.
–Paley's Museum of Radio and Television
Overheard by: scarface
Security guard on cell: Why isn't your hand on your butt?
–Duane Reade
Overheard by: Lord Almighty
Library security guard: Welcome to the library, where your wildest dreams come true.
–St. John's University
Hipster chick #1: Yeah, my cell phone was on the…uh…skitz?
Hipster chick #2: “Skitz”?
Hipster chick #1: Maybe not. “Skitz” is like the streaks left in the toilet after you take a shit.
Hipster chick #2: You meant “on the Fritz”
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: The Katie
Random guy to everyone nearby: Yes, you are sexier than Conor Oberst–all of you.
–McCarren Park
Overheard by: Chris K
Beer guy: I got sexy beer for sexy people! Beer so cold it talks back to you! If you don't drink beer, you die!
–Brighton Beach
Overheard by: Damn, I'd better by a beer…
Little boy in preppy school uniform to Asian teenage girl: Mmmmmmm…I like sexy girls. I like them a loooot. (takes out imaginary cell phone) Mmmm, mmhmm…I'd like that. Ohhh.
–M1 Bus
Hobo to guy carrying mirror: Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the sssssexiest of 'em all?
–13th & 5th
Freshman to group of friends: Yo, when Jack* first got his hair cut it looked mad weird, but now it looks mad sexy, no homo. It kind of looks like the Jonas Brothers.
–Bard High School Early College
Columbia girl: She was sexy, but she shouldn't have done that. That's so Adam Smith.
–1 train
Overheard by: EthanK
