There Are No Small Wednesdays– Only Small One-Liners.

Girl on cell, defiantly: Listen, I can keep my midget in your closet whenever I damn please!

–72nd & Columbus

Man handing out cards to random passers-by: They have midget strippers, buddy, and you can bring your guitar!

–42nd & 7th

Overheard by: Katy

Guy, to friend: You can't call yourself a grown man if you sit down and your feet dangle off the chair.

–Victoria's Secret

Overheard by: Emm

Black guy pushing cart: Man, I miss my two-headed midget friend… He was my best man.

–Union Square

Woman on cell: Have I been an angry little munchkin?

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Overheard by: TheMac

Posted on August 12, 2015
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Friendship, Gay Man's Best Friend, Girls, Guys, Handicaps, Instruments, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Store, Strangers, Strippers, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Whole Foods, Women

It's a Long Story, but You've Got Time Too Hear It

Guy in red community service jumpsuit: You know how they caught me for that? I went back to look at the fire. They said 85% of the people go back to watch.
Girl in same jumpsuit: That makes sense. Cuz I did that before too, but I didn't get caught for it.

–Mott & Bleecker

Overheard by: Bookgirl

Posted on August 12, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Coworkers, Fire, Prison, Union Square and East Village

You're Thirty-Five, Sweetheart

Mom: You could have held the door for me, Tommy, that's what a man does.
Tommy: I'm a boy.

–Hallway, Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center

Posted on August 12, 2015
Boys, Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Default, Etiquette, Gender issues, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Upper East Side

Wednesday Pick-Up-Liners

Guy, bumping into girlfriend as bus lurches: Sorry baby, that’s gravity. I can’t help it, I’m physically attracted to you.

–M116 Bus

Overheard by: I hate the bus

Construction worker hitting on young girl: Hey baby, you are too cute to be so pretty!

–Allen & East Houston

Black bag seller to passerby: Hey sweetheart, you wanna buy a bag today? I’ll tell you what, you buy a bag and I’ll give you my number for free.

–33rd & Broadway

Man to teenage girls: Do you and your friends like to wrestle? I swear to god I could take you all.

–Times Square

Overheard by: yearbookie

Homie to friends: They say in the old days you couldn’t even holler at a woman cause she wouldn’t answer you.

–South Williamsburg

Overheard by: DanielXY

Homeless man to cute passerby: Nice knees.

–Central Park

Posted on August 12, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Beauty, Black People, Body Parts, Boyfriends, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Construction Guys, Friends, Gender issues, History & Geography, Hobos, Love, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nice People, Offers and requests, On the Bus, Orgy, Parks, Physical appearance, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Relationships, Shopping, Street, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Weirdness, Williamsburg

Like, New York's Technically a State Of Mind, Right?

College student with Boston accent: Yeah, I was reading this article in like Newsweek or something, that ranked the states from smartest to dumbest. Massachusetts was in the top ten.
College student with Miami accent: What about Florida?
College student with Boston accent: Florida was like, 47.
College student with Miami accent: Out of how many?

–NYU

Overheard by: Still Laughing

Posted on August 9, 2015
Compare/Contrast, News, NYU, Questions, Students, U.S. Geography

Isn’t It Time You Talked to Your Kids About Wednesday One-Liners?

Creepster: Hey there… do you like drugs? … How about Gandhi?

–Chambers &and West Broadway

Girl on cell: So I opened the envelope on the train… Yeah it was heroin.

–W 46th Ave

Bum: Excuse me! Hey, hey! Excuse me! Check it out! I am going to smoke crack all fucking night, and there isn’t anything anyone can do about it, because that’s what I’m going to do, I’m going to smoke so much crack!

–West 4th at Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Cory

Guy to hungover girl: Everyday you look more and more like you do heroin.

–Relish Bar & Grill

Preppy dude: I like doing drugs too much to be a Buddhist.

–Arlene’s Grocery

Mom to ten-year-old son: … But that’s like saying heroin is the only drug to try!

–14th St & 9th Ave

Posted on August 8, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Buddha, Compare/Contrast, Creepsters, Drugs, Grocery Stores, Guys, Hard Drugs, Heroin, History & Geography, Homeless, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Names, Physical appearance, Preppies, Public Transportation, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Washington Square Park, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Really Bug Me

Geek speedwalking through rush-hour crowd with hands over head: Parasites, parasites, parasites!

–34th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: it is what it is

African-American lady: The secret life of… What? Who's "bees"?

–Loews Kips Bay

Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman

Woman: I'm a fruit fly. That's like a fag hag, only prettier.

–3rd & St. Mark's

Female suit on cell: We're dealing with racist ladybugs here.

–44th & Lexington

Overheard by: LP421

Posted on August 8, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Beauty, Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Fears, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movie Theaters, Movies, Nerds, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Race, Street, Stupidity, Suits, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Do They Make a Glade Plug-In for Wednesday One-Liners?

Little girl, running along platform: Mommy! Mommy! Slow down! Mommy, it smells like penis in here!

–Grand Central

Girl to another: Do you have a hand wipe? I totally smell like rape right now.

–44th St & Broadway

Guy to friend: She said I smelled like shit and I said, "what like, asshole?"

–59th St & Lexington

Girl on phone: Your hands smell like what? Your hands smell like urine? Why would you say that?

–Brooklyn College

Hobo on overcrowded train: Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Homeless Ed, and I am homeless, and I smell like shit. If any of you can spare some change so I can buy some deodorant, it would be greatly appreciated.

–Downtown A Train

Overheard by: christopher james

Female grad student on cell: Have you ever done the inter-borough walk of shame smelling like penis?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Conductor: This is East Broadway station, and something smells yummy.

–F Train

Posted on August 8, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Brooklyn College, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Directions, Friends, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, Hobos, Homeless, Insults, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Parents, Passengers, Pee, Penis, Poop, Public Transportation, Questions, Rape, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Students, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners

Those Monies Have Been Earmarked for the Tardlympics

Guy #1: I hate this next fucking station. It’s covered in black mold.
Guy #2: That shit’s deadly. It smells like burnt chocolate.
Guy #1: Instead of spending 8 billion dollars trying to get the Olympics, why don’t they spend 8 thousand dollars and fix the fucking ceiling at the goddamn 59th Street station?

–N train

Posted on August 8, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Guys, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Talking/Convos, Wishes & desires

Compare/Contrast