Guy #1: I want to finish on a girl's face one time man, that would be sic!
Guy #2: Amy told me I could do it to her once.
Guy #1: Are you serious!?? I never thought Amy was that hot, but fuck, she just moved up in my books. Was it good?
Guy #2: I couldn't do it. I would do it to a random chick, but not my girlfriend. Every time I kissed her I would only ever think, her face was decorated with my cum.
Guy #1, laughing: Decorated! You sound like the Santa Claus of porn.
–Lower East Side
Guy: Dude, is it just me, or does it hurt when you pee too?
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Kris
JAP on cell: If more people wore glitter there would no war.
–Therapy Store
Crazy old guy: I want a dog for president. You know why? Dogs don't start wars.
–31St & Ditmars, Astoria
Overheard by: Randi and Patrick
(at an anti-war rally)
Street vendor: Say no to war, say yes to Louis Vuitton!
–Midtown
Overheard by: Oh the irony
50-something guy on cell: You see, we are a military agency, not a government agency. (pause) So when I punched out that Homeland Security guy, I punched out a civilian.
–Union Square Park
Overheard by: Ksenia
Eight-year-old boy: I dare you to fight in the civil war!
–7 Train
Cool black guy: I loooooves me some women. Ha, that's why I can't ever be gay, you know? (under breath) I loves me some women…
Young boy with him: I think a gay guy would say the same thing about men.
–E 14th St & 1st Ave
PR woman #1: So, my cousin’s test on her biopsy showed that it was cancerous…
PR woman #2: Girl, that nuttin’. My best friend’s sister’s husband — he’s a doctor — was drivin’ to the city from New Jersey yesterday, got outta his car and got run over by a truck.
–Union Square station
Overheard by: drfunk
Girl on cell, defiantly: Listen, I can keep my midget in your closet whenever I damn please!
–72nd & Columbus
Man handing out cards to random passers-by: They have midget strippers, buddy, and you can bring your guitar!
–42nd & 7th
Overheard by: Katy
Guy, to friend: You can't call yourself a grown man if you sit down and your feet dangle off the chair.
–Victoria's Secret
Overheard by: Emm
Black guy pushing cart: Man, I miss my two-headed midget friend… He was my best man.
–Union Square
Woman on cell: Have I been an angry little munchkin?
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Overheard by: TheMac
Guy in red community service jumpsuit: You know how they caught me for that? I went back to look at the fire. They said 85% of the people go back to watch.
Girl in same jumpsuit: That makes sense. Cuz I did that before too, but I didn't get caught for it.
–Mott & Bleecker
Overheard by: Bookgirl
Mom: You could have held the door for me, Tommy, that's what a man does.
Tommy: I'm a boy.
–Hallway, Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center
Guy, bumping into girlfriend as bus lurches: Sorry baby, that’s gravity. I can’t help it, I’m physically attracted to you.
–M116 Bus
Overheard by: I hate the bus
Construction worker hitting on young girl: Hey baby, you are too cute to be so pretty!
–Allen & East Houston
Black bag seller to passerby: Hey sweetheart, you wanna buy a bag today? I’ll tell you what, you buy a bag and I’ll give you my number for free.
–33rd & Broadway
Man to teenage girls: Do you and your friends like to wrestle? I swear to god I could take you all.
–Times Square
Overheard by: yearbookie
Homie to friends: They say in the old days you couldn’t even holler at a woman cause she wouldn’t answer you.
–South Williamsburg
Overheard by: DanielXY
Homeless man to cute passerby: Nice knees.
–Central Park
College student with Boston accent: Yeah, I was reading this article in like Newsweek or something, that ranked the states from smartest to dumbest. Massachusetts was in the top ten.
College student with Miami accent: What about Florida?
College student with Boston accent: Florida was like, 47.
College student with Miami accent: Out of how many?
–NYU
Overheard by: Still Laughing
