Extremely drunk guy: Hey, how ya doin'?
Sober woman: Fine, thanks. (pause) Hey, this is my stop…gotta go! (dashes off train)
Extremely drunk guy to extremely drunk friend, after a long pause: Hey, I coulda had her if I wanted. I coulda been like, “if this is your stop, then it's my stop too, baby, why dontcha come home with me?” But I don' want any company tonight. I wanna be all by myself…in my own place…in my own bed…all alone.
–Uptown 1 Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Woman: Looks like you guys got your drink on tonight.
Drunk frat boy: I don't drink–I'm the VP of programming!
–PATH
Overheard by: DBrickashaw
Drunk hobo, eyeing designer bottled water: Hey lady, is that all vodka?
UES lady, without missing a beat: Not this morning.
–4 Train
Overheard by: austin
EMT #1, to vomiting wino: What's your name?
Wino: Dennis.
EMT #1: Dennis? Okay, Dennis, we're gonna…
Wino: (unintelligible muttering)
EMT #1: What?
Wino: (unintelligible muttering)
EMT #2: Well, what's your name when you're not drunk?
–Broadway & Astor Place
Overheard by: Rachel Silver
Middle aged drunk woman: Excuse me sir, do you know what nasal douching is?
Random 20-something guy: Uh, I think it's when you stick your nose up in there and blow it out or something.
–Grand Central
Drunk thug: Hard or soft?
Tired woman at bus stop: Huh?
Drunk thug: How you gonna fuck me? Hard or soft?
Tired woman: (stares hard at him)
Drunk thug: Just wait til I buy you something.
–Myrtle Ave & Carlton
Thuggish Asian watching Cops in store window: Yo, the one without the shirt is always guilty.
–College Point
Teen girl on cell: I tried biting some people, I got arrested.
–R Train
Overheard by: Jon
Very loud and drunk crackhead to friend: I don't care who you are. Everybody goes to jail some time.
–Hoyt & Warren, Brooklyn
Pharmacist on phone: Oh my, is she okay? (pause) That's when you got arrested on the plane?
(pause) At Fort Dix!?
–Drugstore, 6th Ave
Overheard by: Transit161
Friend to another, yelling across street: Good luck with your rape case…I know it wasn't you!
–Centre & Grand
Overheard by: jzjmrdangerdowntown
Small boy, singing to himself: Goodbye, everybody say goodbye… To Chris Brown…'cuz he smacked a woman and he's going to jail.
–Barnard College
Confused American: I used to think Atlantic City was in Atlantic State.
–Downtown A Train
Overheard by: MBS
Drunk guy: I don't understand why people are giving Sarah Palin so much grief over that Russia thing. It really *is* pretty close to Alaska.
–W 66th St
Overheard by: Emily B.
Anti-McCain dude to another: Man, Sarah Palin is crazy. Yo, she's just crazy. Why did John McCain even pick her? She's not even an American citizen, she's Alaskan!
–The Bronx
Nervous white lady: Um, is the Broadway/Lafayette stop coming up soon?
–Uptown 1 Train
UPS guy to lost tourists: I'm not a GPS! I'm the UPS!
–Prince & Lafayette
Overheard by: dee
Drunk guy #1: God, I've missed the sweet taste of beer.
Drunk guy #2: Wait, what were drinking earlier today?
Drunk guy #1: Beer.
–Off the Wagon, MacDougal St
Drunken fit girl: I want cookies! Or ice cream! Or cookies and ice cream!
Sober fit girl: Dude, you are gone.
Drunken fit girl: No I'm not! I'm just happy!
Guy: Yeah, well I can smell your happiness from here…
–27th & 7th
Overheard by: Probably not the perfume
