Wednesday One-Liners Are Kinda Fruity

Suit: If Mark didn't fall asleep and get his photo taken with lemons on his head, he might still be here.

–Elevator, Midtown

Overheard by: It got even better when they elaborated

Sweater-clad hipster guy: I probably spend more per year on strawberries and cream than on my education. It's worth it, though. I value them more than my education.

–Starbucks, Brooklyn

Teenage girl: I don't want you to tell me there's a banana somewhere in there, I want to see the banana go in there!

–Church Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Sonny

Girl to guy drinking juice: Eating mangoes makes vaginas taste better.

–Broadway & 9th St

Overheard by: Jessica

Irritated voice in choir loft, in the dark, at the end of Good Friday service: In all the excitement, I seem to have sat on my banana.

–60th St & Park Ave

Overheard by: haysoos

Man on cell: Did anybody give grandma her mango? You know that bitch flips shit if she don't get her mango!

–Central Park

Overheard by: queenofscots

Posted on June 3, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Education, Elevators, Family Ties, Food, Fruit, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Pictures, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Starbucks, Street, Suits, Teens, The Village, Upper East Side, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Reader Poll: Has the Shelf Life Expired on That Reference?

Film professor: So, as you can see, ads use many different types of targets to get you to buy their stuff. What do beer ads use to make you want beer?
Student: Twins!

–NYU

Overheard by: queenofscots

Posted on May 24, 2009
Drinking & Drunk People, Family Ties, NYU, Questions, School and studying, Students, Teachers/Professors, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

The Republic Of Jeans Isn't a Democracy, Chuckie

Dad to kids on freezing day: Who wants to go in this jeans store to get warm?
Preteen girl: I love jeans!
Slightly younger girl: I love jeans!
Little brother: I hate jeans! (starts to cry)

–Broadway & Spring St

Posted on May 24, 2009
Clothing, Dads, Families, Family Ties, Gripes, Kids, Soho, Tweens, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Are Just Browsing

Flamboyant foreigner: I changed my MySpace to say I like girls.

–Washington Square Park

Suit on cell: I'm gonna twitter my fucking ass off tonight.

–City Hall

Overheard by: Samantha Sharifi

Girl on cell: Do they not have people in the US that follow the Blue Book? They have to get some guy from Oxford butt fuck to do it? It's so annoying. It's so annoying! Like, I want to take a strap on and fuck my computer. Well, not my computer, but the guy's computer, for having done this to me.

–11th St & 5th Ave

Middle aged African American woman to group of friends: I'm going on MySpace to comment that she abandoned her child!

–8th Ave & 42nd St

Businesswoman to friend: I just like having a family, you know? And you can't get that on Craigslist.

–33rd St.

Overheard by: Rio

High school girl with iPod: Do you think this church has Wi-Fi?

–St. Paul's Catholic Church

Posted on May 20, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Black People, Church, Computer, Dildos and Vibrators, Family Ties, Foreigners, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Insults, Internet, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Myspace, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Sex, Sexuality, Sorority Girls, Street, Suits, Theater, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Oh, Get Your Mind Out Of the Wednesday One-Liner!

Angry bus driver: Get out of my rear. Get out of my rear.

–Q44 Bus

Overheard by: This is why men do not give birth

Law professor, pulling out a cough drop: Sorry guys, if I don't suck on this, I just won't make it.

–CUNY Law School

Overheard by: That's what she said

Chemistry teacher: No, it's really warm here. (pause) Feel my test-tube.

–Stuyvesant High School

Large black lady to girlfriend: I'm not gonna let him put his babbaganush in my peace pipe!

–Houston St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: ian has a face

Loud woman on cell: Yes, he stuck it up my right one, and when it was halfway in, I was like "ow, you need to take it out!" and then he stuck it up my left one, and I felt no discomfort!

–72nd & 2nd

Old lady to another: So is there an oral tradition in your family then?

–86th & Broadway

Overheard by: Frenchie

Posted on May 20, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, BJs, Black People, Bus, Bus Drivers, Classroom, College, Family Ties, Fat People, Girlfriends, Health and Hygiene, Heat, Medicine, Old People, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Penis, Private Parts, Public Transportation, Questions, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Smoking, Students, Stuyvesant, Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Or Have the Pigeons Grown Weary Of My Great Depression Stories?

Gramps: Those bags from the store…
(children and mother laugh).
Mother: You're talking very loud.
Gramps: What–are we in church? Did I wake somebody up?
(children and mother continue laughing)
Gramps: What did I do wrong? Should I go sit outside?

–Doctor's Office, Central Park West

Overheard by: Erick B

Posted on May 15, 2009
Age/Aging, Central Park, Church, Families, Family Ties, Kids, Laughter, Moms, Office, Old People, Questions

Gay Parents: “Ahem?”

Male suit: I bet he's all about mommy, isn't he?
Female suit: Yep, he loves me.
Male suit: That's exactly what my daughter is like with me. She's daddy's girl all the way.
Female suit: Aw, that's so adorable.
Male suit: I don't even know what I'd do if I had a boy. Isn't it weird how men always have daughters and women always have sons?
Female suit: Yeah, it usually works out like that.

–42nd b/w 5th & 6th

Posted on May 14, 2009
Family Ties, Gender issues, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Parents, Stupidity, Suits

You Were Supposed to Learn That In, Like, Kindergarten

White teenage girl to friends: I have two Asian cousins.
Friend: Why?
White teenage girl: Because Asians like Italian pussy, that's why.

–22nd St & Lexington Ave

Posted on May 14, 2009
Family Ties, Friends, Girls, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Questions, Race, Teens, Vagina, White People

Ghost Whisperer Gets Worse Every Week

Young boy to dad: Dad, I am still really concerned about that ghost we saw earlier.
Dad to boy: It was just your grandmother, I've told you!

–Sunset Park, Brooklyn

Posted on May 12, 2009
Brooklyn, Dads, Family Ties, Fears, Kids, Parents, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!

And Mom Breast-feeds Me Because She Likes It.

College girl to friend: I think my problem is I'm too independent.
Friend: Didn't you just move back in with your parents?
College girl: Yeah, but I'm planning on moving out in a year or two.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Karl

Posted on May 11, 2009
Family Ties, Friends, On the Subway, Parents, Questions, Sorority Girls, Time

Family Ties