Wednesday Does One-Liners Like It's His Job

Woman on cell: Ugh, no I can't. I've been at work, I'm totally wasted.

–Outside Penn Station

Whiny American Apparel employee to new recruit: You're not allowed to chew gum on the floor, you can't wear UGGs to work… You have to be 100% American Apparel.

–Downtown F Train

Overheard by: Kaitlen

Subway musician to dude walking by with guitar on his back: Get a real job! (pause) I always wanted to say that to someone.

–S Train

Female suit to make suit: So, is your work still sticky like mine?

–Port Authority

Overheard by: quiet commuter

Posted on May 12, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Clothing, Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Coworkers, Food, Jobs & Careers, Musicians, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penn Station, Port Authority, Strangers, Suits, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Congress?

Daughter, after seeing steaks on a barbecue: Is that pig?
Mother: No, it's cow.
Daughter: Ew! Gross!
Mother: Where did you think pork came from?

–Street Festival, Myrtle Ave

Posted on May 11, 2010
Brooklyn, Families, Food, Moms, Parades & Festitivites, Questions, Stupidity

Wednesday One-Liners Pee a Lot

Dramatically upset woman outside bathroom: I knew I had to pee before, but I chose not to! And now I'm facing the consequences!

–La Lanterna, The Village

Overheard by: Sunny

Woman holding child: Does looking at the fountain make you have to pee? It makes mommy have to pee. It's only natural.

–Bryant Park

Guy to friend: No, seriously, I think I legit peed on that guy!

–30th St & 9th Ave

Guy on cell: No, I will not urinate with you!

–The Met

Woman in turtleneck to suit: I mean, people shouldn't only eat when they're hungry. (pause) Or go to the bathroom when they have to… only. That's like, bad for your bladder!

–86th St & 5th Ave

Woman on cell: I don't care about them. I don't care about their urine. I don't care about their office!

–Court & Carroll, Brooklyn

Posted on May 5, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Bryant Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Food, Friends, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Pee, Questions, Suits, The Met, The Village, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesdays Just One-Linered in Their Mouths a Little

Three-year-old boy to mother: Mommy, there is a baby in your stomach that is making you throw up.

–G Train

Guy with hand over friend's mouth, encouraging him not to throw up: No! No! No!

–Q Train

Guy, pleading with girl: Don't go home. (pukes on self) Why do you have to go home?

–32nd St & Madison Ave

Man standing next to woman throwing up: Beans and rice… No, corn.

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Julian

Posted on May 5, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Food, Friends, Girls, Guys, Home, Sweet Home, Kids, Men, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Strangers, Vomit, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

But Can We Pretend It's Ice Cream?

Girl to friend: Then to make up for our fat asses we'll walk all the way back with our frozen yogurt.
Friend: Good idea, we are fat asses.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Rick

Posted on April 29, 2010
Ass, Diet/Weight, Food, Friends, Girls, Insults, Williamsburg

Wednesday One-Liners Have Fifty Nursery School Rejection Letters

Two-year-old boy to mom: And after dinner, it's butt-shaking time!

–Brooklyn Heights

Tot in stroller: Mommy, I want the tabouleh… Mommy! My tabouleh!

–Food Emporium

Little brother pestering older brother playing PSP: What do you like better, Nutella or A-Rod?

–Stanton Tailor Shop

Two-year-old, after falling to floor when train swerved: Mother, I resent that.

–G Train

Overheard by: Sunny

Posted on April 28, 2010
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Brooklyn, Brothers, Compare/Contrast, Ethnic Food, Food, Grocery Stores, Kids, Moms, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Sports, Store, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

White People Flee the Train Before It Gets to Wednesday One-Liners

Sassy black woman: You think I would have brunch in Harlem? I wouldn't even have lunch in Harlem!

–D Train

Overheard by: laughing

Dramatic girl on cell: But I love you. I would go to Harlem and back for you!

–Starbucks

Girl: Wow, Harlem is like a cultural playground. There are stores and everything.

–Metro-North

Columbia freshman girl: I would never let anybody in Harlem touch my vagina.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Meagan

Posted on April 28, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Food, Girls, Love, NYC Geography, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Starbucks, Students, Trains Not Subway, Travel, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners

There's No Money in Rolling Corpses Anymore

Delivery truck man #1: You know what's great at that Chinese spot?
Delivery truck man #2: What?
Delivery truck man #1: Their pork dumplings.
Delivery truck man #2: I'll tell you what.
Delivery truck man #1: What?
Delivery truck man #2: That's definitely not kosher.
(they laugh)
Delivery truck man #1: But wait if I take it to a rabbi to bless, can it become kosher?
Delivery truck man #2: Good question.
Delivery truck man #1: Yeah… Wow! We are on the right side of the ferry, remember when the right side was for only cokeheads and weedheads, and your mother would say “don't go on the right side of the ferry” and people used to OD and you would find dead bodies? Those were the days!

–Staten Island Ferry

Posted on April 17, 2010
Animals & Nature, Cocaine, Coworkers, Death, Ferry, Food, Judaism, Laughter, Nostalgia, Questions, Staten Island Ferry, Weed

Wow, Your Eyes Are Bigger Than Your Stomach

Trendy female college student: I feel dizzy.
Twinkie male friend: Did you eat anything today?
Trendy female college student: No… but I looked at a picture of an English muffin yesterday and I'm still full.
Twinkie male friend: Hmmm. You're sure you're not hungry?
Trendy female college student: Eh… Can you get me a bagel? Not like a real bagel, but a picture of one?

–V Train

Overheard by: eating disorders arent funny

Posted on April 16, 2010
Anorexic, Food, Friends, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Pictures, Psychology, Students

These Wednesday One-Liners Got Sole!

Woman: Nothing says "ferry terminal" like fish with moustaches.

–Battery Maritime Building

Overheard by: Jon A.

Guy in quiet, crowded elevator: Do you know if jellyfish reproduce sexually?

–Google's NYC Office, 15th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Derek

Teen girl to friend: But your shrimp ate a fish alive? Is that what happened? I don't believe you. Shrimp can't eat fish. It's like part of a food chain or something.

–Metro North Railroad

Overheard by: Jessica S.

Excited tourist girl among crowd of Chinese people: I can smell the fish!

–Grand Street Subway Station

Overheard by: Angelina

30-something female customer to H&M employee: Do I smell like I just ate fish?

–H&M

Overheard by: julia

Really drunk girl in front of gallery: I would fuck him for lobster!

–26st St & 10th Ave, Chelsea

Overheard by: Charlotte