Wednesday One-Liners May Give You Gas

Guy to girl: You're going to regret it for the rest of your life if you get the wrong salad.

–SoHo

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Slender waitress to two large customers: Make sure you finish *all* of that! Especially the celery. That's my favorite part! (they look in disgust)

–Applebee's, Astoria

Yoga clothes-clad girl, loudly to friend: It is not a vegetable. It's a legume!

–6th Ave & W 12th St

Man to woman: So I sayz, "Lady, you're my cuppa tea alright, but I like the occasional cucumber, if you know what I'm sayin'…"

–Herald Square

Overheard by: Mira

Gay guy: I saw people coming out of the woods and I was like, "Aghhh! Corn children!"

–8th & 45th

Overheard by: i'd be scared, too

Sarah Jessica Parker's son: Do you know what kind of lettuce she likes?

–Washington Square

Overheard by: Brooke

Posted on September 23, 2009
A-List, About Celebrities, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Baristas, Bars & Clubs, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Customers, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Food, Friends, Girls, Guys, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, One-liners, Parks, Promiscuity, Queer guys, Questions, Relationships, Sex and the City, Skinny People, Soho, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Threats, Vegetarian & Vegan, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

Fuck One-Liners and the Wednesday They Rode in on

Angry woman, venting: Oh, but he doesn't know I scrapbook like a motherfucker.

–M&J Trimming

Girl, screaming: Fuck you, International Baccalaureate!

–Brooklyn

Really angry guy on cell: I'm talkin' about mothafuckin' cookies and apple juice!

–23rd & 6th

Overheard by: Q

Well-dressed black man, addressing entire train: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm here to talk to you today about… fucking. You see, everybody likes to fuck. My parents love to fuck. My ex-wife–she loved to fuck. President Obama, he enjoys fucking…

–Q Train

Overheard by: Hunter

Six-year-old girl to mother, ready for day at the beach: Shit, mom! It's fucking raining!

–Q Train

Suit on cell, cheerily: Okay, fuck you, bye!

–7th Ave & 50th St

Overheard by: dignell

Posted on September 23, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Drinks, Food, Girls, Guys, Insults, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Passengers, President, Sex, Store, Suits, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Nature's Way Of Saying 'Never Eat There Again'

NYU student #1: Oh, how 'bout here? Its 20% off for students.
NYU student #2: Yeah, but I will shit for weeks.

–Bleecker & Thompson

Posted on September 22, 2009
Food, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Poop, Students, The Village

In What Context Have Armbands Ever Been Bad?

Organizer #1: What about different food options for the luncheon, (thoughtful pause) what about kosher food?
Organizer #2: Good idea, but how will we be able to tell who wants to eat kosher?
University staff: We could just make black armbands with the Star of David on them. (collective gasps in the room) What?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: fdh

Posted on September 22, 2009
Celebrations/Parties, Clerks, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Food, Hitler/Nazis, Judaism, Kosher food, Questions, Stupidity, Weirdness

And by “Him” I Mean Antonio Banderas

Worker, waiting in salad line: Ma'am, may I have your bowl?
Woman: Sorry, but no. I only let him toss my salad.
(everyone stares)

–Lexington & 40th St

Posted on September 21, 2009
Ass, Clerks, Food, Licking, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, Women

I Hope You're Not Prejudiced Against Breads Of Color

Teen girl #1 to friend staring at salad: Babe, they're croutons.
Teen girl #2, slowly looking up at her: But… they're black.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Stina

Posted on September 19, 2009
Colors, Food, Girls, Stupidity, Teens, Times Square

Dude, Quit Puking in My Shoe!

Man #1, taking off shoe: Dude, smell this!
Man #2: Chill, man! No!
Man #1: Just smell it. Doesn't it smell like cheese?
Man #2: Dude, no! Stop!
Man #1: I'm serious, man, it smells like cheese.

–Boardwalk, Coney Island

Overheard by: Angie

Posted on September 17, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Coney Island, Food, Men, Questions, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Shoes

Wednesday How-Many-Liners?

Tourist, looking at buildings across from Central Park: So which one is the Statue of Liberty?

–Columbus Circle

Girl: Are pork chops made of lamb?

–23rd & Park Ave

Overheard by: Nora Claire

Girl to bouncer at bar: Does this place have really awesome bathrooms?

–East Village

Overheard by: bb

Tourist: Is Chinatown closed?

–Canal St

Overheard by: Kristen

Hippie at exhibit for world's most extreme animals: Are they alive?

–Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: gregumsdagreggy

Lady on cell: Times Square's where that ball is, right?

–42nd St & 6th St

Overheard by: tourists rock

Guy: What is this? So I sign up and get a free beer?

–Designated Driver Booth, Citi Field

Overheard by: AJ

Posted on September 16, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Bouncers, Chinatown, Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Free stuff!, Girls, Guys, Hippies, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Museum of Natural History, NYC Geography, On Cell, One-liners, Queens, Questions, Statue of Liberty, Street, Stupidity, Tourism, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

But Nowhere Near As Tasty

Drunk 20-something guy: Imagine this foam finger is a beef stick. Open your mouth and eat the beef stick.
Drunk 20-something girl: Normally, the beef sticks I tend to deal with are slightly smaller.

–Q Train

Posted on September 15, 2009
Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Food, Guys, Height, On the Subway

Wednesday One-Liners by Dan Brown

Loud bar patron, reading new item on menu: Anybody know what artisan cheese is? Anybody at all? (mutters) Shit man, this is Astoria, we don't know no artisan cheese.

–Astoria

Overheard by: Jesse

Guy: He said "when you cum yourself." I looked at him and said "that is not how you say that."

–Hunter College

Overheard by: Jill

Girl to friend: So, you see, I was right! It's spelled w-h-e-r-e!

–McDonald's

Guy: And stop trying to rhyme words with other words.

–16th St & 8th Ave

Guy to girl: I am really into words, especially long ones. I love them, and like, collect them. There is a word for people like that, but it's pretty long, so I can't remember it.

–Q Train

Overheard by: Eavesdropper

Lady: He doesn't speak English good, so he gots deported.

–Park Slope

Posted on September 9, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Bosses, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crime and Punishment, Cum, Food, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hunter, Languages, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

Food