She Don't Eat Wednesday One-Liners, But She Sure Like the Bone

Woman: Shut up! Do you want to end up alone eating a bologna sandwich in the drunk tank?

–Ave A & 10th

Overheard by: Kira

Coworker to office: I love meatloaf. I would wear it on my head like a hat.

–6th Ave

Overheard by: The Secret Newsbunny

Woman getting in cab: Fatty Magoo! I'm going to eat the shit out of some ribs!

–24th & 7th Ave

NYU boy to friends: Wait! I'm looking at the wrong site…there's all different kinds of sausages.

–Kimmel Center, NYU

Overheard by: lollin.

Hobo: I don't like beef, I don't like chicken, I don't like ribs…I like pussy!

–Lower East Side

Overheard by: J J

Conductor: Everyone please step aside at the next stop and make room for fresh meat.

–L Train

Overheard by: ooshua

Posted on April 15, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Conductors, Coworkers, Crime and Punishment, Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Frat Boys, Friends, Gripes, Hobos, Insults, Junk Food & Fast Food, Lower East Side, NYU, On the Subway, One-liners, Public Transportation, Street, Threats, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

…In the Finest Restaurant Bathrooms.

Upstate jock #1: Dude, is there anything to eat in all of Manhattan?
Upstate jock #2: People don't eat anymore. They just do lots of coke.

–Inwood Hill Park

Overheard by: Mojojon

Posted on April 13, 2009
Cocaine, Food, Jocks, Parks, Questions, Stupidity, Washington Heights and Inwood

And Where's Our Nobel Prize, Motherfuckers?

Girl #1, walking past NYSC: We should be working out like them…assholes.
Girl #2: It's fine, we are doing more productive things.
Girl #1: More productive than working out? Like what?
Girl #2: Going out, drinking, eating, and shopping!

–Wall Street

Posted on April 11, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Fitness, Food, Girls, Insults, Questions, Shopping, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

And Nobody Trusts a Chubby Hobo

Hobo: I'm so hungry. I ain't eaten nothing since yesterday.
Kind-hearted woman: Here, take the other half of this sandwich.
Hobo: Sorry, I don't eat carbs. Those shits don't do nothing but make you fat.

–Ditmars & 31st, Astoria

Overheard by: Allison

Posted on April 9, 2009
Astoria, Diet/Weight, Food, Hobos, Homeless, Nice People

A Vegan Camp Ghost Story

Girl #1: And there was a live poultry-slaughtering place across the street.
Girl #2: No way!

–Park Slope, Brooklyn

Headline by: Matthew

Runners-Up:
· “Boneless-Skinless Breasts Don’t Just Grow That Way?” – EddieA
· “Coin Operated, Which Made It Kind Of Cruel” – Nick Pollotta
· “I Think It’s Called a Strip Bar” – Sandy Paws
· “I’m Telling You, It Was the Best Club I’ve Ever Been to” – PeterG
· “It Was Called Panda Express” – Chuck G
· “It’s the New Starbucks – Soon There’ll Be One on Every Corner” – Brent
· “Rachel’s Stories About the World Outside NYC Always Gave Becky Nightmares” – Siobhan
· “That’s Why the Wedding Was So Cheap” – treibs
· “They Also Perform Circumcisions” – mark

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on April 9, 2009
Birds, Food, Girls, Headline Contest Winners, Murder, Park Slope

And It Was Cooked to Perfection

Young female at happy hour #1: So getting a free dinner was cool.
Young female at happy hour #2: Yeah, it's not like that roach was on the plate.

–7th Ave & 23rd St

Overheard by: Ed

Posted on April 4, 2009
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Food, Free stuff!, Girls, Insects

Man's Best Wednesday One-Liners

Man on cell: You know I can't come over, I'm a daddy now! I have a dog! He needs me 24/7. I can't leave his sight, not even for a second! I'm just out for a moment to buy him some food, but other than that…

–Crosstown Bus

Souvenir seller: Get your doggy diary! Get your puppy program! Get your beagle bible! Get your bulldog blog!

–Westminster Dog Show, Madison Square Garden

Man at payphone: They tried to catch the hero dog, but he ran away.

–107 & West End

Overheard by: kdub

Half tone-deaf guy with guitar, singing: I'll marry you for your Green card, but I'll sleep with your sister cause she's prettier than you. She's 75 years old, never been touched by a man, let alone a dog…

–1 Train

Overheard by: CreateEvity

Man leaning out of car, to man walking Schnauzer: Excuse me…that's a Marmaduke?

–3rd Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Jeff S.

Woman on cell: If I don't get a dog soon I'm totally going to get pregnant.

–Wall Street

Posted on April 1, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Books & Writing, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, Food, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Infidelity, Internet, Madison Square Garden, Man's Best Friend, Marriage, Men, Musicians, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Sex, Singing, Strangers, Street, Stupidity, Time, Vendors & Street Performers, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

Wednesday-One-Liner Me, Kate

Black lesbian hipster: Don't, like, kiss me or look into my eyes…just fuck me and then buy me lunch.

–Eugene Lang College

Overheard by: Helena the Great

Little boy to sister, watching couple kissing and hugging: Ewwwwww! He kissed her!

–3rd Ave & 34th St

Overheard by: Valley

Guy on cell: So then if she has herpes, should I not kiss her?

–PATH Train

Woman to toddler: Yes, it's good. It's very good. Kissing and hugging are good.

–Eldridge St, Chinatown

Overheard by: wheelerface

Dad, to teenage son: Hey, Karen kissed me. And it was real.

–E 20th St

Overheard by: Angela

250-pound male Metro worker, singing gruffly: I kissed a girl and I liked it!

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Chis K

Posted on April 1, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Chinatown, Clerks, College, Dads, Fat People, Food, Grand Central, Guys, Hipsters, Hugs, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Kids, Lesbians, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Sex, Sisters, STDs, Street, Teens, Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Can I Feed Them Something Sharp?

Mom: You have to start feeding your birds, honey.
Little girl: I don't want to.
Mom: It's called “responsibility”, you need…
Little girl, interrupting: I don't like birds!

–27th St

Posted on March 29, 2009
Birds, Food, Gripes, Kids, Moms, Street, Wishes & desires, Words

I Told Him It Was an Allergic Reaction to a Bee Sting

Big girl: Eww! I miss the days I went out with Eric.
Friend: Why? He was an asshole!
Big girl: He took me out so much, I swear I went to every cool spot in New York City.
Friend: Wait, so bascially he wined and dined you?
Big girl: Yep!
Friend: What the fuck, I thought fat girls didn't get wined and dined!

–Coffee Shop, Union Square

Posted on March 26, 2009
Dating, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Food, Friends, Girls, Insults, Nostalgia, Restaurants & Cafes, Union Square and East Village

Food