Wednesday One-Liners from Beyond the NYC Event Horizon

Five-year-old girl, holding her nose, to mother: It smells here! It smells like New Jersey! Mommy! It smells like New Jersey!

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Cicero

Teenager: Oh, wow, I didn't know New Jersey had any buildings.

–Christopher St. Pier

Girl on cell: I think I slept with a whore. Then I woke up in Jersey.

–Washington Square

Overheard by: Rachel

Crazy-sounding drunk girl: Ewww, why are there so many people from New Jersey here?

–Bowery & E 4th

Overheard by: do they emit a particular odor?

NYU guy trying to impress girls: My dad actually grew up right around here. Well…in New Jersey.

–St. Mark's & 3rd Ave

Girl sitting on raised metal platform on front deck to friend: Hey, do you want to turn around? We're looking at Jersey again.

–NYU LSP Boat Cruise

Posted on July 1, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Frat Boys, Friends, Girls, Grand Central, Kids, Moms, NYC Geography, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Pick-up Lines, Prostitution, Questions, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Train Station, Union Square and East Village, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, West Village

All Those Years in the Taffy Pull Have Finally Paid Off!

College bro #1: Yo, Troy! Guess who got voted biggest dick on campus?
College bro #2: I dunno, dude…
College bro #1, interjecting: You, man! High five!

–Fordham University

Posted on June 29, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Fordham, Frat Boys, Height, Penis

I'm Assuming by Then You'll Want to Hurt Your Partner's Feelings

NYU guy #1: Dude, when you die, can I have your Argyle?
NYU guy #2: What, you mean this?
NYU guy #1: Yeah. I mean, I just really like Argyle and I can't seem to find any good sweaters these days. So, like…could I have it?
NYU guy #2: Dude, sure!
NYU guy #1: But don't like try to die just to give it to me. I can wait a while. I think if you just put in your will something like, “and I bequeath my awesome Argyll to my friend” that should do it.

–8th St & Univerisity Place

Overheard by: Argyll Lover

Posted on June 28, 2009
Clothing, Death, Frat Boys, Friendship, Offers and requests, The Village

Anything Involving the Transportation Of Children, Really

NYU guy: So what's your favorite movie?
NYU girl: Baby Geniuses (pause) My second is Schindler's List.

–Union Square

Overheard by: AFI

Posted on May 25, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Film, Frat Boys, Union Square and East Village

Why White Guys Become Rappers: Explained

Male NYU undergrad #1: Man, you know…some guys, they have a 40 in one hand and a chick's breast in the other.
Male NYU undergrad #2: Oh, man, that's the life.
Male NYU undergrad #1: Yeah, I gotta figure out how to do it.

–Washington Place & Mercer

Posted on May 10, 2009
Frat Boys, Happiness, Rack, Stupidity, The Village, Weapons

Every Time One of Us Gets a Homosexual Urge, We Take a Shot

Frat guy: Do you guys rent out this place on Monday nights? Me and my buddies want to come back here.
Chinese woman behind bar: Yes. You want to watch football?
Frat guy: No! Gossip Girl!

–Karaoke Bar, Chinatown

Headline by: JakeP.

Runners-Up:
· “And Then We Will Paint Our Nails and Determine Who’s a Blaire and Who’s a Sabrina!” – Doesn’t watch Gossip Girl!
· “BTW, Do You Know How to Make a Cosmo?” – mark
· “Make the Reservation Under Kappa Feather Boa” – PeterG
· “She No Work on Mondays, but Little Lotus Come, You Like?” – Sim Etrias
· “Then It’s Off to Get Our Eyebrows Waxed!” – Sandy Paws
· “We Can’t Masturbate to Football Now That John Madden Retired” – Captain Sensible
· “You Can’t Watch Football on Mani/Pedi Night!” – tatts

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on May 4, 2009
Bars & Clubs, Chinatown, Chinese, Football, Frat Boys, Friendship, Headline Contest Winners, TV, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

She Don't Eat Wednesday One-Liners, But She Sure Like the Bone

Woman: Shut up! Do you want to end up alone eating a bologna sandwich in the drunk tank?

–Ave A & 10th

Overheard by: Kira

Coworker to office: I love meatloaf. I would wear it on my head like a hat.

–6th Ave

Overheard by: The Secret Newsbunny

Woman getting in cab: Fatty Magoo! I'm going to eat the shit out of some ribs!

–24th & 7th Ave

NYU boy to friends: Wait! I'm looking at the wrong site…there's all different kinds of sausages.

–Kimmel Center, NYU

Overheard by: lollin.

Hobo: I don't like beef, I don't like chicken, I don't like ribs…I like pussy!

–Lower East Side

Overheard by: J J

Conductor: Everyone please step aside at the next stop and make room for fresh meat.

–L Train

Overheard by: ooshua

Posted on April 15, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Conductors, Coworkers, Crime and Punishment, Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Frat Boys, Friends, Gripes, Hobos, Insults, Junk Food & Fast Food, Lower East Side, NYU, On the Subway, One-liners, Public Transportation, Street, Threats, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

The Angel Wings Are for Religious Purposes

Drunk gay college student, seeing drag queens crossing the street: Yay! Halloween! I love Halloween!
Drunk college friend: Oh my god! I love your costumes!
Drag queen, angrily: It ain't Halloween, bitch! This is every day!

–18th & 8th

Posted on April 9, 2009
Celebrations/Parties, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Drag queens, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Frat Boys, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Insults, Sexuality, Street, Trannies

We Can Afford Coke.

Woman: Looks like you guys got your drink on tonight.
Drunk frat boy: I don't drink–I'm the VP of programming!

–PATH

Overheard by: DBrickashaw

Posted on April 5, 2009
Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Frat Boys, Jobs & Careers, Stupidity, Trains Not Subway, Women

Sorry, I Didn't Realize– Here's a Twenty, Sir.

Hobo with cup of change in hand: You have any change?
College kid: Sorry, I don't have any money.
Hobo: Get a fucking job, you bum.
College kid: Fuck you! You first!
Hobo: I'm working right now, asshole.

–Washington Square Park

Posted on April 2, 2009
Apologies, Frat Boys, Hobos, Homeless, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, Panhandling, Parks, Washington Square Park

Frat Boys