5-foot Asian high school girl to friend: So where is your college anyway?
5-foot Asian college friend: Umm…in the Bronx.
5-foot Asian high school girl: Is that like north of the city or something?
5-foot Asian college friend: Umm…maybe, but I don't think so.
–Rilo Kiley Concert, Terminal 5
Man exiting subway: No, thanks, I've had enough urine in my nose today.
–14th St & 8th Ave
Guy, infatuated with female friend: If I had a pool I'd let you pee in it.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Chadwick
Sturdy guy to chubby girls: We're men! We pee in the park!
–St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: mmhmmm
Mad boyfriend beside girlfriend: No! No! No! I know how you are! I know how they are! All you have to do is pee and…
–Steinway St.
Overheard by: Dustin
Loud girl: Ugh, I wish I had a penis so I could pee on all ya asses.
–Edward R. Murrow High School, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Amused Freshman
Little boy to brother: I have all the power! Do not make me pee-pee on you again!
–Throop & Pulaski
Overheard by: Melissa Kairuz
Black guy: That show was so white, I just wanted to bomb the place.
–W 49th & Broadway
Overheard by: Erin
19-year-old street vendor: Well, pipe bombs are easy…but they do a lot of damage.
–Chinatown
Guy dressed in sequined jacket, screaming on escalator: I can't fucking believe this fucking shit. They have no fucking radios. What K-Mart got no fucking radios? No fucking radios! (after a long pause) I'm gonna bomb this muthafucka to the ground.
–K Mart, 8th St
Overheard by: I Didn't Know the Unibomber Got a Makeover
Man on phone: Do you know why they bombed on 7/11?
–50th St & 9th Ave
20-something girl to friend, after large explosion is heard: Well, I'm from Detroit, so when I hear things like that it doesn't even bother me.
–Union Square Holiday Market
Overheard by: isa
Woman, as a grungy guy walks by: Whenever I see sullen long-haired bearded men in army jackets I am afraid something is going to get blown up.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
Middle school-aged girl: I think the video of us dancing is on the internet!
Friend: Are you sure that's a good idea?
Middle school-aged girl: Whatever, no one will see it!
–19th & Broadway
Overheard by: Mikaela
(large group of rowdy ghetto teens gets on train, one sits and begins eating a hamburger)
Girl: Yo, why do white people be thinkin' niggas like tomato on they sandwich?
Guy friend: I dunno.
(girl begins throwing lettuce and tomato on the ground)
Old man across the train: You're disgusting!
Girl: Hey, fuck you!
Guy friend: Yo, he just called you disgusting!
Girl: Well, he can kiss my ass!
Guy friend: Them's fightin' words on my block.
Old man, exiting train: Oh, go back to ghetto, you piece of shit!
Girl: That's exactly where we goin', muthafucker!
–6 Train
Overheard by: ahhh, New York
Black guy: Damn! You got a pretty face!
(pretty Latina turns around and ignores him)
Black guy (taking seat halfway down train): Dang! How you going to turn around on me like that?
(pretty Latina ignores him)
Black guy (very loudly): How are you going to turn around like that?
(pretty Latina now looks embarrassed)
Black guy (pulling out guitar from case): This song goes out to the girl with the pretty face! She's over there! With the long hair and the boots!
(people turn and look, pretty Latina looks very embarrassed now)
Black guy (singing to tune of “My Girl”): Come on everyone! Even the white people–join in! (sings) I've got sunshine, on a cloudy day. When it's cold outside, I've got the month of may.
(people start to join in, pretty Latina's friends are cheering and singing)
Black guy (singing): My girl! She's got black boots! The one with the long hair! C'mon girl! If you let me take you home…I'll…I'll…make you some Kool-Aid!
(pretty Latina gets off train)
Black guy: Ah, hell no! (pause). Alright, this one's for the guy with the ball! (pointing to guy with soccer ball under arm) His name's Carlos! He's from Puerto Rico!
–2 Train
Dude to girl: Just yesterday I was smoking a joint and my grandma was all "that smells good, Johnny, that smells good."
–Hop Scotch Cafe
Overheard by: bildita
Girl: Speaking of back-door entry, my grandma sent me an e-mail the other day.
–A Train
Overheard by: naiad
Woman: He's just lucky I learned some tricks from his great grandma.
–Dekalb Ave & Ashland Place
Guy to girl: You look like one of them li'l ass frilly dolls my grandma have on her bed. Cute. (girl stares) What, I'm not gonna get a thank-you for that?
–Canal St.
Overheard by: The
Girl to friend: And so my grandmother was that mail order bride!
–Beauty Salon, East Village
Overheard by: moca
Agitated man: God gave you a penis and a road map to the world! You don't need maps!
–Washington Square & University Place
Tween: God wants me to get drunk tonight!
–3rd & Mercer
Four-year-old child to mother: Mommy! We have to go to church on Sunday. God is going to repent us on Sunday!
–R Train
Overheard by: Marie
Hobo: And then I fucked god!
–Heckscher Playground, Central Park
Overheard by: Shiki
Jewish girl to friend: Oy! My bagel looks like god jerked off on it.
–Guy & Gallards, 34th & Lexington
Overheard by: Awkwardly eating his breakfast
Drunk girl to drunk friend crying on her coat: It's always so hard when you lose your soulmate in the bathroom line, but it's like, god works in mysterious ways, you know.
–W Train
Overheard by: Wes
Girl to friend: Hey girl, come over here and let me see your new grillz. (friend comes over and smiles, Flavor Flav style) Daaaamnnnnnnn girl! Where did you get those? They some nice grillz!
–Flatbush Ave & Lincoln Rd
Overheard by: xtina
White guy, yelling to friends: Yo, where are you going? The train is this way!
Random black guy: It's not the fucking train! It's the fucking subway!
White guy: I live in Queens, I know what it's called.
Black guy: You white people are so fucking stupid. You go into the subway to get on a fucking train!
White girl: Well then it's a train!
Black guy: Fuck you, bitch!
White guy: Don't call her a bitch! You don't even know her!
Black guy, getting in their face: Fuck you, nigga! And fuck her! (pause) Wait…have you guys been drinking?
White guy: Yeah.
Black guy: Never mind, then. I was just fucking around. We cool?
(black and white guys laugh about it, shake hands, go their separate ways)
–Union Square
Overheard by: go rangers!
