Shade-Grown, Slow-Roasted Wednesday One-Liners

Thug to friend: That bitch looked up at me and said, "Damn, your dick tastes like coffee."

–86th St & Lexington

Overheard by: TINA

Female suit to other: Duane Reade is like the Starbucks of drugstores!

–Duane Reade

Old lady with shopping cart, exiting voting booth: Where's my Starbucks coupon?

–PS163, Bath Beach, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Torgo61

Guy on cell: Hey, bro! I'm having coffee and a bagel. (pause) No, an animal did not have to die for me to have this coffee!

–Arthur Avenue

Overheard by: eternal student

Man with heavy Indian accent holding a cup of Starbucks coffee: No, the most expensive coffee in the world is coffee beans eaten and then pooped out by a cat. It's $120 a cup.

–Elevator, 7th Ave & 31st St

Posted on August 24, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, BJs, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Coffee, Compare/Contrast, Duane Reade, Friends, Gay Man's Best Friend, Guys, India Indians, Junk Food & Fast Food, Men, Money & Class, Nicknames & name calling, Old People, One-liners, Penis, Poop, Questions, School, Sensory Experiences, Shopping, Street, Suits, The Bronx, Thugs, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

The Most Romantic Quote We've Received in a While

Girl: How was your date last night?
Guy: He had a sick body but an ugly face. I slept with him anyway.

–84th St & 2nd Ave

Posted on August 24, 2014
Beauty, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Girls, Guys, Physical appearance, Questions, Sex, Upper East Side

Woo! Check Out That Fiiiine Watering Can!

Guy #1: You ho!
Guy #2: I am nobody's gardening instrument!

–NYU

Posted on August 23, 2014
Guys, Insults, NYU, Weirdness

Return to the Port Authority

Guy on Cell: Have you ever tried to masturbate while Michael Jackson’s “Rock With You” is playing in the background? Well, it’s more difficult than you think…

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Michael Roche

Posted on August 23, 2014
About Celebrities, Guys, Masturbation, Music, On Cell, Port Authority, Questions, Time

I Didn't Know That Was Possible in Such Tight Jeans

Hipster guy #1: Dude, it's so cold…did you just pee your pants?
Hipster guy #2: I did. I peed my pants, everybody! I peed them!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: youknowme

Posted on August 23, 2014
Clothing, Guys, Hipsters, Parks, Pee, Questions, Washington Square Park

Said the Grasshopper to the Ant

Guy with clipboard: Hey there! Do you have a minute for gay rights?
Gay dude: Every minute of my life is for gay rights.
Guy with clipboard: Are you aware that there are people in Washington trying to take your rights away?
Gay dude: No shit! That's not news! Leave me alone!

–16th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: mille shayntwright

Posted on August 23, 2014
Activists, Default, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Offers and requests, Politics, Queer guys, Questions, Time, Union Square and East Village

Yeah Right, Mr. “All-You-Can- Eat Strip Club Buffet”

Guy: Guess how much I paid for that fucking hamburger?
Girl: How much?
Guy: 32 dollars! No hamburger is worth 32 dollars.

–NYU Dorm

Posted on August 22, 2014
Girls, Guys, Junk Food & Fast Food, Money & Class, NYU, Questions

C’mon, Baby, Light My Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to friend: You have to stop setting your brother on fire.

–Broadway

Overheard by: sandm

Student to professor: Urinating on fire? What the hell, Freud?

–Wagner College, Staten Island

Tool on cell: If burning leaves in the schoolyard is wrong, I don’t wanna be right!

–E 44th St & 2nd Ave

Blond woman: And that was the night I burned my eyebrows off!

–Union Square

Some guy: I spent all of last night searching my body for it, but I promise you if I find it, I’ll burn it.

–The Village

Older woman at art gallery, looking at the price list: That burns my ass. Sorry, but that burns my ass.

–57th St

Posted on August 20, 2014
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, College, Elementary & Middle School, Etiquette, Family Ties, Fire, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Hair, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, Pee, Psychology, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Staten Island, Street, Students, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Weirdness, Women, Words

Wednesday One-Linernotes

Man handing out his CD: Scuze me, you like authentic Latino music? (woman flinches)
I ain't gonna bite you. Neither is the CD. Unless you're bitten with the sweet beat of salsa.

–2 Train

Older guy to younger date: So last night, right, I was a little drunker than I wanted to be and I was listening to those Beethoven and Mozart symphonies to, you know, really try to hear the difference between them…

–Uptown A Train

Woman walking out of a Chekhov play: Ugh! That was like taking a Tchaikovsky and playing it as if it were a Beeeeeethoven.

–Theatre District

Overheard by: Greer Feick

Happy older musician: I'm playing at the memorial concert for Ricky B*. Johnny T* was going to do it, but he died. I'm the go-to replacement when someone scheduled to play at a tribute concert dies.

–19th & 7th

Overheard by: tycho anomaly

Man on cell: Did you get the tickets? (pause) Eighty dollars to see a green bitch sing!?

–Chineese Restaurant, Columbus Ave

Posted on August 20, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Death, Drinking & Drunk People, For Sale, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Music, Musicians, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Singing, Street, Stupidity, Theater, Theater & Dance, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

I'm Sure It's a Fucking Triumph Of the Human Spirit

Bearish guy: Did I tell you I got a lead in a film?
Friend: No. Congratulations!
Bearish guy: Yeah, it's a bear film–but it's not a porn!

–23rd & 8th

Overheard by: Daniel

Posted on August 19, 2014
Actors, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Default, Film, Friends, Guys, Movies, Porn, Questions

Guys