Some Half-Baked Wednesday One-Liners

Woman on cell: I have to get home so I can put away the b-o-n-g.

–19th & Broadway

Overheard by: Kyle

Man in light green suit with orange-red gators: Read the bible tonight. Don't smoke that Scooby Doobie Doo. Don't get high tonight!

–125th & Lenox

Overheard by: Plausible

Young hipster: So I said, "Mom, did you smoke with me?"

–Central Park Reservoir

Angry girlfriend to boyfriend: Okay, so you don't want me smoking pot, you don't want me smoking cigarettes or cloves, you don't want me chewing gum and now you don't like lollipops? So tell me, Peter, what can I put in my mouth that's okay with you?

–L Train

Overheard by: It's me, bitches.

Teacher: Steve*, I need to talk to your pot dealer, because the stuff you're smoking is really good.

–Cooper Union

Overheard by: me too

Guy talking on blue tooth: I should be there in about 45 minutes. (pause) Yeah, I'm serious! (pause) Look. I got an idea for ya. Why don't you go roll a big fat blunt, smoke it until you can't see anymore and then I'll be there. Alright? Bye.

–8th Ave & 27th St

Overheard by: Erica Friedman

Girl: I mean honestly, who at NYU doesn't smell like weed?

–Washington Square Park

Posted on May 12, 2023
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Boyfriends, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Christianity, College, Family Ties, Food, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hipsters, Home, Sweet Home, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, Parks, Questions, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Smoking, Street, Suits, Teachers/Professors, Time, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness, Women

That’s What Everyone Tells Me

Dude: Hey, how are you?
Chick: Good!
Dude: Yeah?
Chick: Yeah… I’ve been banging everyone, though.
Dude: Yeah.

–Stairwell, Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on May 10, 2023
Bimbettes, Columbia University, Guys, Hootchies, Promiscuity, Talking/Convos

It Would Deprive Her of the Pleasure

Girl: Man, I feel like shit.
Guy: Why?
Girl: What if he was seriously hurt?
Guy: Huh?
Girl: I’ve been thinking about breaking up with him, and what if he had died?
Guy: It’d save you the trouble?

–PS 321, Park Slope

Posted on May 10, 2023
Breaking Up, Brooklyn, Death, Girls, Guys, Park Slope, Places, School, Sex & Relationships, Topics

Close Encounters of the New York Kind

A hobo sits begging with outstretched hands. Another hobo walks by and comments: Aw man, you ain’t even got a cup!

–Soho

Girl in line: Oh, you like cats?
Guy in line: Well, I used to work with tigers.

–Williamsburg bodega

Posted on May 5, 2023
Girls, Guys, Hobos, Jobs & Careers, Soho, Williamsburg

Which Is Why I Only Make Out with Old People

Girl diner: You can order a tongue sandwich!
Guy diner: I don't eat anything that can taste me back.

–Ben's Kosher Deli

Overheard by: Pastrami Girl

Posted on April 25, 2023
Advice, Body Parts, Customers, Default, Delis, Food, Girls, Guys, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Ride a Vespa

Hipster on cell: I’m not even buying anything. I’m just here to be seen.

–Trader Joe’s

Hipster boy: I loves me some master race!

–Lobby, the Met

Overheard by: Shayna

Tipsy hipster girl: Wine is so, like, the blood of the gods!

–W 4th & Christopher St

Hipster guy: I think the most truly good person who’s ever been on this earth was Gandhi. Or maybe Martin Luther King, Junior… But he was black.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Ghandi was Indian..

Drunk chick: What kind of hipsters are you that you won’t fuck a girl just because she wants to wear a Sailor Moon costume?

–St. Mark’s Pl

Posted on April 22, 2023
All Wednesday One-Liners, Arts & Letters, Clothing, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Girls, Grocery Stores, Guys, Hipsters, History & Geography, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, More museums, Museums, On Cell, People, Places, Politics, Race, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Shopping, The Met, The Village, Times Square, Topics, Union Square and East Village, Venues

Wednesday Hearts One-Liners

White trash woman to angry boyfriend: Stop! I'm in my car and I love myself! I love myself! Fuck you if you don't love yourself! Tyra says to love yourself, and I love myself!

–49th & 11th

Conductor: Passengers, as you all know the New Haven line is known as the Love Line, because of our red colors and red schedules. For Valentine's Day why not buy a loved one a ticket? Nothing says "I love you" like a Metro North ticket! Imagine the look on your mother-in-law's face when she opens up her present to find a one way trip to Manhattan!

–Metro North Train

Sorority girl: And this is a list of all the girls who love Jell-o.

–St. John's University

Overheard by: Peter G

Guy on Bluetooth: What did I say? I said I love you and you didn't fucking say anything back. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?

–Jackson Heights

Excited black guy to friend: Damn! I think I'm in love, she's like the whole package! She's pretty, she's fuckable, and she can cook!

–A Train

Overheard by: Tim

Little boy leaving the church: Bye, Jesus! I love you!

–Riverside Church

Overheard by: Stephanie

Posted on April 14, 2023
All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Beauty, Black People, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Cars and Driving, College, Colors, Conductors, Food, Friends, Gifts, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Jesus, Kids, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Psychology, Public Transportation, Questions, Sorority Girls, Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners, White Trash

And, Most Importantly, Do You Have Alcohol?

Guy #1: I have a moral dilemma.
Guy #2: Does it involve alcohol?
Guy #1: No.
Guy #2: Does it require alcohol?

–F Train

Overheard by: Sarah

Posted on April 9, 2023
Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Guys, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Philosophy, Questions

Isn't That Probable Cause?

Straight guy: Uhm dude, I don't think he's gay.
Queer guy: So what? His fly was open.

–Central Park

Posted on March 26, 2023
Central Park, Clothing, Default, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Queer guys

Wednesday One-Liners, As God Made Them

Guy on cell: What does you caring about me have to do with me at some club with "hypothetical" naked chicks?

–42nd & Lexington

Guy yelling across street to girl on phone: Tell her I waited naked on the bed all night but she never came!

–Washington Square

Suit to another: It's so weird because there are so many people at the office who you'd never think to picture naked… Like Marcy: you'd never picture her naked. Alex: you'd never picture him naked. Derek: I've never pictured him naked.

–F Train

Overheard by: EmLo

Guy, to two women: I was like, "You're lying on top of me. We're naked. When does this get fun?"

–Philosophy Building, Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

(girl is wearing small, tight, mini-skirt and talking to a group of boys)
Girl: If it was up to me, I wouldn't be wearing any clothes, if it weren't for gravity.

–Sybil's, Liberty Ave, Queens

Overheard by: Terrence

20-something girl to friend: So I chased after him, but I was naked…so how far could I go?

–Brooklyn Promanade

Posted on March 19, 2023
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Clothing, Columbia University, Friends, Girls, Grocery Stores, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nudity, Office politics, On Cell, On the Subway, Pictures, Queens, Questions, Science, Sexuality, Suits, Washington Square Park, Weirdness

Guys