Hair

Black guy, cutting in front of line at movie theater: Excuse me, Barack Obama is President now. Thank you.

–AMC Movie Theater

Overheard by: Emmy

Man with hand stuck in bus door to bus driver: We got a black President and you actin' like this? You civil service!

–14D Bus

Sketching Jamaican hobo: Obama is some kinda skateboard.

–Shuttle to Times Square

Subway hobo: How come Obama don't have sex with his wife no more? Because every time she opens her legs, he sees bush!

–1 Train

Man to toddler in his arms: That's Obama. He's gonna save us all from doom! From doom!

–University & 12th St

Leggy blond: Maybe it isn't spit.
Short brunette: Sniff my hair.
Leggy blond: What?
Short brunette: I said, “sniff my hair”!
Leggy blond: No!
(short brunette glares, leggy blonde sniffs her ponytail)
Short brunette: What does it smell like?
Leggy blond: Shampoo.
Short brunette: Dammit!

–The Kooks Concert, Terminal 5

Girl: Man, this old dyke is digging on me, but I want some penis
these days.

–3rd between B & C

Guy: Man, old pussy is the best! She has 50 years of dick sucking experience.

–124th & Manhattan

Overheard by: Jason Steinhauer

Queer on cell: Ever since I lost my hair I’ve had 20 year olds chasing me around like I’m an ice cream cone.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Squatporpoise

Girl: Oh yeah, that guy you saw me with Sunday? He lets me watch him have sex with boys.

–NYU School of social work

Overheard by: Maggie

20-something guy: His beard makes him look like Chuck Norris.
20-something girl: Who?
Bartender: Chuck Norris. He was Walker, Texas Ranger.
20-something guy: You don't know who Chuck Norris is?
20-something girl: I feel like we always talk about Chuck Norris and I have no idea who he is.

–3rd St & Berry, Williamsburg

Overheard by:

Girl #1, holding grande Starbucks cup: Oh my god! This is a small, I asked the guy for a medium.
Girl #2: Oh my god, are you serious?
Girl #1: Yeah.
Girl #2: Oh my god, your hair looks so nice today!

–B1 Bus

Overheard by: Robert

Pink-haired woman: Have you noticed how all the celebs are totally dying their hair? It just looks so damn fake! I just want to walk up to them and say, ‘Your hair looks like a chem lab exploded on it!’ And then I would, like, get an autograph.

–Broadway

Hobo: Look, this ain’t my hair! I am part of the Homeland Security, and the alert color today is orange for ‘High alert.’ Now, how can you be both high and alert? That’s why this country is so fucked up! Have a nice day!

–L train, 6th Ave

Overheard by: pchace

Ghetto woman: Now, where did my son get to? I’m done payin’ and he still runnin’ around… I gotta go fix my hair — it looks like I just killed someone.

–Grocery store

Old man: I don’t like ugly, fucking-hairy women. I just don’t — it’s a matter of taste! Good grooming — it’s the key to success, baby! Ugly, hairy women… They’re everywhere!

–Connecticut Muffin, Prospect Park stop, F train

Overheard by: Sarah McLellan

Guy: Keep the money coming, people! I got three kids at home, and they all want Timberlands! I accept baby food, hair weaves… I even take weed, if you got it!

–2 train

Overheard by: jil

Guy on cell: If you want a shitty haircut, you come to me!

–Smith & 9th St station

Overheard by: Matthew Sahd Mohammed

Little girl #1, looking at Neanderthal diorama: I just saw her pupils move!
Little girl #2: I just saw her hair move!
Little girl #3: I just saw her blink!
Little girl #1: I just saw his penis move!
Little girl #2: I just saw her boob move!
Little girl #1: I think those are real people!
Little girl #2: Me, too!
Little girl #3: Me, three!

–Museum Of Natural History

Overheard by: Jennifer

Dude, walking up to security desk in emergency room: Hi. It feels like my balls are about to fall off.

–St. Lukes Roosevelt Hospital

Overheard by: Kate Melvin

Stoner chick: The girls are all hairy balls, and the photos look like hairy balls, and they wear hairy ball sacks, but Tyra is the biggest hairy ball of them all.

–7 train

Overheard by: bronwyn

Out-of-place guido: I ain’t wearing nothin’ that touches my balls to my asshole!

–8th Ave

Overheard by: finds it comforting

Teenage boy to friends, about a movie: Yooo, it’s like a chick flick with balls!!! You know, like a guy’s chick flick!!!"

–E 85th St & 3rd Ave

Guy: I use Burt’s bees for my balls.

–Broadway & W 4th

Overheard by: Jake R

Guy #1 to guy #2: I really think you’d feel a lot better if you felt my balls.

–6th Ave & Bleecker

Rushed girl to friend: Oh, it's 10:58, just going to make it. PS, Wendy, your hair looks great running!

–Elevator, 55th & 3rd

Overheard by: James Allen

Guy #1: The girl with the tattoo on her breast.
Guy #2: Oh yeah, yeah. She got a huge booty. That shit be a jigglypuff.
Guy #1: Yeah, for real. I just wanna grab that shit.
Guy #2: Yeah, but she got hairy legs.
Guy #1: You seen ’em?
Guy #2: Hell yeah, she showed me.
Guy #1: But, you know, it’s winter. Girls be gettin’ sloppy in wintertime.
Guy #2: I don’t care, man. That shit’s atrocious.

–4 train