Wednesday One-Liners Mind the Gap

Man: All I want is vaginal fluids. Been locked up for years upstate.

–Astor Place

Hipster dude: It smells like dirty vagina out here.

–Graham & Richardson, Williamsburg

Amateur gynecologist: I mean, when you think about it, he’s really just a big vagina with sand in it.

–93rd & 3rd

Frat guy: I don’t know, man…I just don’t trust her vagina.

–Outside Ray’s Pizza, Houston St

Overheard by: Becky

Chubby teen: I’ve never even touched a vagina!

–100th & Amsterdam

Worker: They had a bet on who ate the best pussy. They get on the stage and take turns going down on her.

–32nd & Madison

Woman, to store clerk: Excuse me, do you knows where the pussy products is?

–Duane Reade, 45th & 6th

Posted on July 6, 2015
Brooklyn, Frat Boys, Hipsters, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, People, Teens, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Williamsburg

You'll Be Embarrassed When You Realize He's Talking on His New Bluetooth

Hobo to himself: The VA wants $200. (pause) How can I give them $200? (pause) I only get $320. (pause) Maybe I'll bribe them. (pause) No, that won't work–you need money to bribe people.

–Chase ATM, Grammercy

Overheard by: cmk

Headline by: Luminesce

Runners-Up:
· “He’ll Be Running a Hedge Fund in No Time” – again
· “I Guess the Facelift Will Have to Wait” – JohnAustin
· “In the End, He’ll Use His Sex Appeal” – Daniel
· “It’s a Catch-22” – Gary
· “Or Just Vomit on Their Doorstep Until They Cave in” – Fresca P
· “You Could Try to Sell Barack Obama’s Senate Seat” – Nick Pollotta

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on July 5, 2015
Bank, Headline Contest Winners, Hobos, Homeless, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Questions

Doctor, It Hurts When I Wednesday My One-Liners!

White college girl: I would definitely want to be a doctor, if I didn't have to go to medical school.

–Fordham University

Nurse to another: Well, it seems that the themes of the day were UTIs and pregnancies.

–NYU Student Health Center

Overheard by: had neither

Black male pre-teen to mother: I know all about doctors, 'cause I watch shows about that. (pause) Actually, I watch Dr Phil.

–1 Train

Guy to two girls: I had to fire my doctor, I didn't like what he told me.

–39th & Lexington

Doctor, drawing on napkin and displaying results to student: This is you…in 40 years, in a fugue state. In Turkey. Dissociative fugue–learn neurology!

–168th & Fort Washington

Posted on July 4, 2015
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Doctors, Fordham, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hospitals, Illness, Jobs & Careers, Medicine, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nurses, On the Subway, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Psychology, Students, Stupidity, TV, Tweens, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Refuse to Go to the Outer Boroughs

Foreign taxi driver: If you know anything, you find job in New York. If you know nothing, you drive cab.

–Upper West Side

Cab driver to woman who just cut him off: Hey lady, learn how to drive! Go back to Park Slope!

–28th & Park Ave

Overheard by: natasha

Crazy drunken taxi driver: Do chicken wings cause pregnancy?

–West Side Highway

Overheard by: amalthya

Smelly cabbie to patrons: Oh, the smell! That is just fish water. Someone threw fish water all over my cab. That is the stink.

–48th St & Lexington

Overheard by: anon

Posted on July 4, 2015
Cabbies, Cars and Driving, Food, Foreigners, Jobs & Careers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Now I Know My Wednesday One-Liners, Next Time Won’t You Wednesday One-Liner With Me?

Little boy singing to mother: E is for druggies!

–R Train

Overheard by: Allegra

Crazy hobo: Take the V train! V is for vasectomy. Why take the crowded E train where all the lesbians will crush you?

–V Train Platform

Overheard by: Tom

Conductor: This is 14th Street. Transfer here for the L as in "lower level of hell".

–F Train

Overheard by: So True

Little boy playing with chopsticks: Look mom! (forms a V) V for Victoria! (forms an X) X for xylophone! (forms a T) and T for terrorist!

–Japanese Restaurant, 3rd & 25th

Conductor over loudspeaker: I know it’s Saturday afternoon and all you people are mad confused because the trains are all messed up on weekends, so listen up: The W as in "Will you marry me?" will be running on the Q as in "cookie" line. And the R as in (goes in operatic singing voice) "rooooooooooomeooooooooooo" will be running normally for the rest of the weekend. Alright y’all… There you go. Enjoy your Saturday!

–Canal Street Subway Station

Overheard by: stfo

Posted on July 4, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Crazies, Gays and Lesbians, Hobos, Kids, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Restaurants & Cafes, Soho, Subway conductors, Terrorism, Words

Don’t Ask What She Does for Birth Control

Really trendy girl #1: So do you want to go tanning after the gym?
Really trendy girl #2: Yeah, but I don’t want to get skin cancer.
Really trendy girl #1: Yeah, me neither. That’s why I wear underwear.

–42nd & Lex

Overheard by: Just wanted some starbucks

Posted on July 3, 2015
Fashion, Health and Hygiene, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Restaurants & Cafes

We Are Talking About Yoga, Right?

Girl to guy friend: Ohmigod, I accidentally walked in on my mom while she was doing it last night!
Guy: Super nasty. I'd hate to see that.
Girl: Actually, mom was holding it down. I think I could learn some moves from her.
Guy: What? How long did you watch?
Girl: It was nothing, like ten minutes.

–33rd St & Lexington

Overheard by: tinydancer

Posted on July 1, 2015
Family Ties, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Parents, Private Parts, Should've Used a Condom, Teens

I Also Love Gravity Bongs and Our Lord Jesus Christ

Boyfriend: This song was in ‘Beavis and Butt-head do America’!
Girlfriend: Yeah?
Boyfriend: I love that movie … And I love you.

–Dunkin Donuts, 26th & 7th

Overheard by: Kai Nagai-Rothe

Posted on June 30, 2015
Boyfriends, Couples, Default, Girlfriends, Love, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Music, Nice People, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes

Wednesday One-Liners Just Need to Walk It Off

Large bald man on Bluetooth: He got a fuckin' boo boo, that's all!

–Gramercy

Suit on cell: So, I haven't been electrocuted…yet.

–L Train

Elderly woman: I regret that she broke her arm. I do not regret pushing her down the stairs.

–E Train

Overheard by: Pat

Little boy: I hope the boo-boo goes away soon! My staple won't hold that long!

–23rd & Park Ave

Overheard by: Say what?

Guy on train to friend: Hey, would you still date a girl if she was in an industrial accident and had to wear a Darth Vader suit forever?

–6 Train

Posted on June 29, 2015
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Clothing, Crime and Punishment, Dating, Fat People, Friends, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Kids, Men, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Suits, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Teleportation Is Fun!

Male tourist #1, pointing to Empire State Building: What building is that?
Male tourist #2: The Empire State Building.
Male tourist #1, pointing to MetLife Tower: There's Big Ben.

–23rd St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Slufoot NYC

Posted on June 26, 2015
Empire State Building, Global Geography, Murray Hill and Gramercy, NYC Geography, Questions, Stupidity, Tourism, Tourists

Murray Hill and Gramercy