Every Wednesday One-Liner Has Its Price

Woman to another: She had one baby at her breast and another baby sitting next to her, trying to sell chicklets.

–10 Rockefeller Plaza

Overheard by: Jarrod

Young man to young woman: Sell it on the black market or give it up for adoption. That's basically your only two options.

–Grand St, Chinatown

Overheard by: Mike Posillico

Crazy woman to entire bus: My husband be given my money to all those hoes. That's why I gotta sell coffee. But at least I'm not sellin' my ass… (gets distracted by radio) Oh, this is a nice song.

–Bx15 Bus

Overheard by: Karly

Father of four, attempting herd jumping children on street: Okay, the next child that doesn't listen to me will be sold!

–34th & 3rd

Overheard by: Dahouhou

Midwestern lady tourist to husband: Huh, Virgin. I wonder what they sell there.

–14th St, across Doomed Megastore

Overheard by: Not buyin what they're sellin

Posted on July 10, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Bus, Chinatown, Coffee, Couples, Crazies, Dads, Food, Kids, Marriage, Men, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Names, On the Bus, One-liners, Parents, Passengers, Prostitution, Rack, Rockefeller Center, Shopping, Should've Used a Condom, Singing, Store, Street, Stupidity, Threats, Tourism, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

WednesDEA One-Liners

Loud guy: Hey! Illegal drugs, anyone? Illegal drugs? I want to buy some illegal drugs!

–6th Ave & 34h St

Overheard by: Emily

College girl to friend: Remember that time when you slept with that drug trafficker?

–33rd & 3rd

Man in restaurant: After the roofies I took I was a total mess, it was amazing.

–23rd & 10th

Overheard by: Matt

Man to friend holding Diet Coke: Do you remember when they had this at that gay bathhouse I had to go to because my drug dealer was there?

–Duane Reade

Dude, about crowd: I'm so glad we dropped acid before coming here.

–Trader Joe's, Union Square

Overheard by: Kat

Loud girl on cell: She can't just call you up and like, reminisce and be like, "remember when we loved each other?" Oh, and I don't even want to talk about the conversation we had this morning. There's no excuse to do acid!

–Wagner College

Posted on July 10, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, College, Crime and Punishment, Drinks, Druggies, Drugs, Duane Reade, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Hard Drugs, Love, Medicine, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Questions, Sex, Sorority Girls, Store, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Which Would Solve Just about Zero Percent of Your Problem, Sir

White student: I can’t believe you guys gave my ID to another person!
Security guard: Yeah, I’m really sorry. I wish there was a better system for doing this.
White student: Yeah, they should have all the Asian kids in a separate directory, because they all have the same last names.

–23rd & Lex

Overheard by: Darren Montalbano

Posted on July 10, 2015
Advice, Gripes, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Security Guards, Students

Wednesday One-Liners for Kendra

Young lady: Stupid people have more fun!

–Chrystie & Housten

Overheard by: Probably True…

Middle age woman to young woman pushing stroller: Well, this is a stupid place for a stroller!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Would the street be safer?

Oversized hip-hop boyfriend to undersized girlfriend: I'm being stupid for your benefit.

–Duane Reade

Woman buying ibuprofen: It's not a virus. My mother's got a headache from everyone being stupid.

–Inwood

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Girl smoking on the sidewalk to smoking friend: He's perfect. Except that he's kind of dumb. But he's perfect!

–34th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: Katface

Posted on July 8, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Customers, Duane Reade, Fat People, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Kids, Murray Hill and Gramercy, One-liners, Parents, Smokers & Smoking, Street, Stupidity, Times Square, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Heights and Inwood, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Jane Austen: Bitch, Please

Little girl looking at hobo: Mommy how do you get money if you don't have any?
Trophy mom: You just get married, honey.

–18th & Broadway

Posted on July 7, 2015
Default, Girls, Kids, Marriage, Moms, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Questions

Wednesday One-Liners Mind the Gap

Man: All I want is vaginal fluids. Been locked up for years upstate.

–Astor Place

Hipster dude: It smells like dirty vagina out here.

–Graham & Richardson, Williamsburg

Amateur gynecologist: I mean, when you think about it, he’s really just a big vagina with sand in it.

–93rd & 3rd

Frat guy: I don’t know, man…I just don’t trust her vagina.

–Outside Ray’s Pizza, Houston St

Overheard by: Becky

Chubby teen: I’ve never even touched a vagina!

–100th & Amsterdam

Worker: They had a bet on who ate the best pussy. They get on the stage and take turns going down on her.

–32nd & Madison

Woman, to store clerk: Excuse me, do you knows where the pussy products is?

–Duane Reade, 45th & 6th

Posted on July 6, 2015
Brooklyn, Frat Boys, Hipsters, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, People, Teens, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Williamsburg

You'll Be Embarrassed When You Realize He's Talking on His New Bluetooth

Hobo to himself: The VA wants $200. (pause) How can I give them $200? (pause) I only get $320. (pause) Maybe I'll bribe them. (pause) No, that won't work–you need money to bribe people.

–Chase ATM, Grammercy

Overheard by: cmk

Headline by: Luminesce

Runners-Up:
· “He’ll Be Running a Hedge Fund in No Time” – again
· “I Guess the Facelift Will Have to Wait” – JohnAustin
· “In the End, He’ll Use His Sex Appeal” – Daniel
· “It’s a Catch-22” – Gary
· “Or Just Vomit on Their Doorstep Until They Cave in” – Fresca P
· “You Could Try to Sell Barack Obama’s Senate Seat” – Nick Pollotta

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on July 5, 2015
Bank, Headline Contest Winners, Hobos, Homeless, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Questions

Doctor, It Hurts When I Wednesday My One-Liners!

White college girl: I would definitely want to be a doctor, if I didn't have to go to medical school.

–Fordham University

Nurse to another: Well, it seems that the themes of the day were UTIs and pregnancies.

–NYU Student Health Center

Overheard by: had neither

Black male pre-teen to mother: I know all about doctors, 'cause I watch shows about that. (pause) Actually, I watch Dr Phil.

–1 Train

Guy to two girls: I had to fire my doctor, I didn't like what he told me.

–39th & Lexington

Doctor, drawing on napkin and displaying results to student: This is you…in 40 years, in a fugue state. In Turkey. Dissociative fugue–learn neurology!

–168th & Fort Washington

Posted on July 4, 2015
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Doctors, Fordham, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hospitals, Illness, Jobs & Careers, Medicine, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nurses, On the Subway, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Psychology, Students, Stupidity, TV, Tweens, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Refuse to Go to the Outer Boroughs

Foreign taxi driver: If you know anything, you find job in New York. If you know nothing, you drive cab.

–Upper West Side

Cab driver to woman who just cut him off: Hey lady, learn how to drive! Go back to Park Slope!

–28th & Park Ave

Overheard by: natasha

Crazy drunken taxi driver: Do chicken wings cause pregnancy?

–West Side Highway

Overheard by: amalthya

Smelly cabbie to patrons: Oh, the smell! That is just fish water. Someone threw fish water all over my cab. That is the stink.

–48th St & Lexington

Overheard by: anon

Posted on July 4, 2015
Cabbies, Cars and Driving, Food, Foreigners, Jobs & Careers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Now I Know My Wednesday One-Liners, Next Time Won’t You Wednesday One-Liner With Me?

Little boy singing to mother: E is for druggies!

–R Train

Overheard by: Allegra

Crazy hobo: Take the V train! V is for vasectomy. Why take the crowded E train where all the lesbians will crush you?

–V Train Platform

Overheard by: Tom

Conductor: This is 14th Street. Transfer here for the L as in "lower level of hell".

–F Train

Overheard by: So True

Little boy playing with chopsticks: Look mom! (forms a V) V for Victoria! (forms an X) X for xylophone! (forms a T) and T for terrorist!

–Japanese Restaurant, 3rd & 25th

Conductor over loudspeaker: I know it’s Saturday afternoon and all you people are mad confused because the trains are all messed up on weekends, so listen up: The W as in "Will you marry me?" will be running on the Q as in "cookie" line. And the R as in (goes in operatic singing voice) "rooooooooooomeooooooooooo" will be running normally for the rest of the weekend. Alright y’all… There you go. Enjoy your Saturday!

–Canal Street Subway Station

Overheard by: stfo

Posted on July 4, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Crazies, Gays and Lesbians, Hobos, Kids, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Restaurants & Cafes, Soho, Subway conductors, Terrorism, Words

Murray Hill and Gramercy