No Change? Airports Are Making Great Strides in Lip-Gloss Confiscation!

White 20-something #1: Have you heard about the September 11th controversy?
White 20-something #2: No…what?
White 20-something #1: Well, Kanye and 50 Cent are both releasing their new albums on that date and if Kanye outsells 50 then 50 says that he is going to retire from rapping.
White 20-something #2: Wow! That's controversial.
White 20-something #1: Is it crazy that that's the new September 11th controversy? Things have really changed since then…
White 20-something #2 (pensive): Or *have* they?
Black guy to friend: Yo, man! Are you listening to this shit?

–L Train

Posted on April 9, 2015
Black People, Friends, History & Geography, Music, On the Subway, Questions, Stupidity, Wiggers

Wednesday One-liners Hit the Premiere

Guy: The thing about Cronenberg is that you have to appreciate him in
context to what he does…which is often unappreciable.

–Belmont Lounge, East 15th Street

Posted on April 2, 2015
About Celebrities, Arts & Letters, Celebrities Overheard, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Fordham, Friendship, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, More museums, Movies, Music, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Poop, Pop Culture, Preppies, Queers, Stupidity, The Bronx, Thugs, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Violence

We Know Why You Love the Romantic Period, Perv.

Student, after professor played Chopin: Oh, miss, that was beautiful, can you play that again?
Professor: Sure.
Student: Oh, damn! You are nastier than I thought!

–Lehman College

Overheard by: emm

Posted on April 1, 2015
Beauty, College, Music, Offers and requests, Students, Teachers/Professors, Weirdness

…That Sounded a Lot Better in My Head.

Boyfriend to girlfriend who just took his hand during encore: One song and then you turn all lovey dovey!
Girlfriend: Fine! Give me back my hand!
Boyfriend: No! I like making you do things you don't want to do!

–Radio City Music Hall

Posted on March 30, 2015
Body Parts, Couples, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, Theater, Wishes & desires

Teenage Lobotomy, the Aftermath

Queer: Who’s Joey Ramone?
Hipster girl: Oh my God, are you kidding me?
Queer: Uh, no. Who is he?
Hipster girl: He’s a singer! He was like, in some huge band in the ’80s!
Queer: What band?
Hipster girl: Um…
Queer: See? You don’t know who the hell he is either. You don’t even know what band he was in.
Hipster girl: It’s on the tip of my tongue…
Queer: Sure.
Hipster girl: Oh well, I can’t think of it. I think he’s dead now anyway. Who cares.

–Irving Plaza

Overheard by: i hope they were joking

Posted on March 26, 2015
Hipsters, Manhattan, Music, Pop Culture, Queers, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One-Liners Suffer the Heartache of Gringo Hips

Four-year-old girl to nanny: No, princesses don't get tickled. They just dance and get married.

–North Williamsburg

Overheard by: anti-feminist

White girl in hoodie: If I see any of the other girls there want to dance with you they'd better watch out, 'cause it's stab-a-slut Sunday.

–J Train

Short guy with greasy hair: Yo, this girl was like, "wanna dance?" and I was like "okay," so she started dancing mad good. She was grinding up against me with her ass.

–3rd Ave & 71st, Brooklyn

Gay guy on cell in long line during Circuit City closeout: Does it have speakers? Because I like to dance in my room, and I like to feel the music. It's really cold, so I like to dance in my room, you know?

–Circuit City, Union Square

Drunk girl to Guido she knocked heads with while dancing: I'm a drinker, not a dancer!

–Hook & Ladder Pub, Murray Hill

Overheard by: also a drinker

Professor: I'm of the personal opinion that anything counts for art. Take, for example, Nelly's "Hot in Here." We have an admonition of certain weather conditions and an entreaty for certain members of a demographic to react within a certain way, and a compliant voice replies, "I am getting so hot, I'm gonna take my clothes off." This piece of art demonstrates how much easier life would be if getting a woman naked was that easy. And also, it makes me dance, and as we know, hips don't lie.

–NYU Bobst Library

Overheard by: queenofscots

Posted on March 24, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Arts & Letters, Ass, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Clothing, Dancing, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Girls, Guidos, Guys, Kids, Library, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, Nicknames & name calling, Nudity, NYU, On Cell, On the Subway, Queer guys, Questions, Sex, Stab, Store, Street, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Williamsburg, Wishes & desires

That's Our Nation's President, Dad.

Drunk white man, pointing to random black guy: Hey, look: it's Puff Daddy!
Embarrassed daughter: Dad, that is not P. Diddy.
Drunk white man: Hey, Puff! Can I get a record deal? Hook a brother up!

–52nd & 7th

Posted on March 21, 2015
Dads, Drunks, Families, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, Offers and requests, Parents, Race, Wiggers

We’re Considering Branding Wednesday One-liners

Woman: This is my favorite part…of the worst song ever.

–MTV Studios, Times Square

Man on cell: No, it is not like the time I farted at Target and blamed in on that old woman!

–22nd & Park

Overheard by: Bill Ray

Drunken yuppie guy: I want my Subway sandwich! I want my Subway sandwich! Tuna and onions! Yeah, you heard me. Girls love big cocks. Girls love big cocks! These girls know. I’m on…I’m on Comedy Central! I’m a redneck on Comedy Central! My name is Heywood Jablowme! Heywood Jablowme! Heywood Jablowme! I’m from Texas where girls suck cock for a dime!

–32nd & 2nd

Woman: Did you hear Cooter wouldn’t endorse that remake?

–7 train

Overheard by: Todd Horan

Guy: God, I feel like I’m trapped in a fucking Hallmark Card.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Shoshana

Latina: …and he looks evil and the Princess is saying to him, “You are a good person” and he looks so evil and then she is with Obi King Wasabi and he said he is on the dark side and then the shorty guy–what is his name?–Yoga said, “He is on the dark side” and then Dark Wader he is with the cape and looks all angry and evil reminded me of me on Mondays.

–58th & Lexington

Overheard by: Brandy Rowell