Girl on cell: But they’re, like, professional crackwhores!
–Bedford Park, Lehman College, the Bronx
Man: I never misled my mother. I did steal from her, but I was on crack.
–Joralemon St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Chicago Guy
Girl: Did you see that movie Crackheads on Fire?
–14th & 8th
Lady: Now she’s a big shot. She used to be a crackhead.
–Au Bon Pain, 8th St
Overheard by: the guy buying the SoBe Green Tea
Little boy, waiting in line to see “Bodies” exhibit: Are there gonna be rides?
–South Street Seaport
Little girl, playing with her inattentive mother’s cell: Nine… One…
–Atlantic Center, Brooklyn
Overheard by: wee e
Little girl, humming to herself: Cat cat dog, I am a tree! Eeeee! Minute Maid Coke, I am a poodle! Eeeee!
–Brooklyn bound Q train
Little boy: Eddie, I like that torture a lot!
–Dizzy’s, 9th St & 8th Ave, Park Slope
Little girl: Mom, I am highly disappointed in the construction.
–71st Rd, Forest Hills
3-year-old girl: Daddy, does this helmet make me look crazy?
–13th & University
Little boy: Simon says reach into everybody’s pants!
–Waiting room, Mt. Sinai Hospital
Overheard by: Jobee
Guy on cell: Call me when you get them. I’m on my way from Staten Island. I’m on the boat right now.
–47th & Lex
Overheard by: Nick Draven
Chick: Then he peer-pressured me into being morbidly obese!
–1 train
Girl on cell: Nothing’s bigger than Oprah, not even my mother’s ass!
–Ocean Pkwy and Neptune Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld
Dude with flyers: New York Sports Club! Only 37 dollars! Get yo’ fat ass to the gym!
–Court & Joralemon, Brooklyn
Overheard by: elwood
Little boy: Mommy, I’m sick of all the fat girls in Coney Island.
–Queens Center Mall
Walking VD: It’s not cheating if she’s fat.
–Outside Jugo Juice, Times Square
Teen girl on cell: Ugh, great. Now she’s just going to make fun of me because I’m short and fat! Oh my God!
–Q46 bus
Overheard by: Melissa
Woman on cell: Yeah, my flight to Kansas City is delayed…Well it’s either this or back to the mental institution.
–Women’s restroom, LaGuardia Airport
Overheard by: morgan from missouri
Keen observer: They’re fuckin’ cowards, man! Mountain lions are cowards, too.
–12th & Bedford, Brooklyn
Loud girl on cell: Well don’t ask me! I don’t know anything about the mechanics of whale sex!
–9th Ave
Subway conductor: Please enter the train as human beings, not wild animals.
–23rd St F station
Guy: Yeah that reminds me of my first time. He took me to dinner but was too nice and perfect. Then in bed he made animal noises and his cat was like between us and he didn’t kick it out of bed.
–Nowhere bar, 14th St between 1st and 2nd
Teen boy: So I was watching one of those independent channels, and I saw this weird movie called Jesus Christ Superstar. Have you heard of it? It’s from the 70’s, so the camera work is really bad, but it’s not in black and white or anything. The best part is that Herod is all big and fat and he sings this funny song, like, “You’re the king of the Jews!” It’s a pretty funny movie. You know, except they, like, kill Jesus at the end.
–Q train
Overheard by: A White Bear
Girl: You know, I don’t think Jesus ever asked Mary Magdalene to kiss his balls.
–1849 Bar, Bleecker St
Drunk guy: Jesus saved me already, you fucking cunt!
–Park Slope
Overheard by: braincurve
Chick: Whatever. I could’ve annihilated Jesus at beer pong.
–Trump Building, Wall St
Overheard by: You know who
Girl on cell: Listen, the only ass I kiss is Jesus Christ. Got that?
–Key Food, 235th St
Overheard by: Miriam
Suit on cell: Yeah, I know. Did I tell you about the dominatrix?
–49th & 7th
Little girl, to her mother: But why is the mummy all tied up?
–Egyptian Wing, the Met
Overheard by: Erin Partridge
Hipster woman: So I think my father is into kiddie porn.
–UCBT, 26th & 8th
Overheard by: Tobster
Dude, to his female date: So, do you like to do anal? Come on, you can be honest. You’ve already blown me.
—Calle Ocho, 81st & Columbus
Overheard by: Sara
Girl: I like you. Just not in a toe-up-the-ass way.
–1 train
Overheard by: i like toes
Cute guy: I mean, shit. I was in a threesome with him. He has no right to judge me.
–34th & 8th
Guy on cell: And you got the vampires from where?
–21st & 9th
Rich young woman: She’s a big-time lawyer. You wouldn’t know her name or anything, but she’s got an office in Rochester, and one in the Twin Towers.
–Metro-North train, Grand Central
Girl on cell: So, guess where I am. No, I’m coming out to visit you! Well, okay, can I stay with you for a few days? I got kicked out of my apartment. I’ll find a new one soon. Why what? Oh, why did I get kicked out? Well, I crashed my landlord’s Ferrari…Well, I was drinking. You know me!
–Penn Station, LIRR
