Wednesday One-Liners Have Gender Trouble

Old Jewess on cell: Carla is going to be there, too…You’ve met Carla…You met her the other week. She was the one with the penis.

–77th & 2nd

Overheard by: Joseph

Considerate guy: Hey, man, don’t burst his bubble. If it ain’t a man, it ain’t a man.

–Outside 10th Precinct, W 20th St

Voice on intercom: Sir, that’s the women’s restroom. Sir…Sir…Stop!

–Times Square

Drunk guy: Well, it was either a real ugly woman or a guy with man-boobs.

–F train

Drunk dude to girl: Wow, you’re the prettiest man I’ve ever seen.

–Women’s bathroom, Saloon, 83rd & York

Overheard by: Aaron

Little girl, staring at the Statue of Liberty: Who’s he supposed to be?

–Circle Line

Overheard by: emily

Young guy: …so, technically, I’m lactating. Technically.

–Central Park

Posted on August 30, 2006
Bars & Clubs, Beauty, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Drinking & Drunk People, Jews, Kids, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Only in New York, Penis, People, Places, Poop, Private Parts, Rack, Stall Spies, Times Square, Tourist Attractions, Upper East Side, Venues

If at First You Don’t Succeed…

Halter-Top #1, screaming into cell: We’re on 10th and One. One. One!
Halter-Top #2: Just tell him we’re at 10th and one!
Halter-Top #1: One! [Pause] Oh, First? Is that what it’s called?

–10th & 1st

Posted on August 29, 2006
Manhattan, NYC Geography, On Cell, Places, Union Square and East Village

Statutory Wednesday One-Liners

Tourist: I want to have sex. I’m old enough!

–Outside Cold Stone Creamery, 42nd St

20-Something frat boy: Ya know, something tells me my wife hasn’t even been born yet…

–6 train, Astor Place

Overheard by: Al

Young woman: If I were a pedophile, I would be the best pedophile ever because nobody would suspect me!

–6 train

Overheard by: Innocent bystander

Man, trying on glasses: No, these make me look like a pedophile.

–9th Street Optical, 9th St between 5th & 6th, Brooklyn

Chick on cell: Yes, I got fired at my job! Yes, I got fired at Barely Legal! I got tired of playing Twister in my pajamas.

–Airplane, LaGuardia Tarmac

Overheard by: Judy

Posted on August 23, 2006
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Clothing, Crime and Punishment, Frat Boys, Horny, Jobs & Careers, Kids, LaGuardia Airport, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Office, On Cell, On the Subway, Pop Culture, Porn, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, The Village, Tourists

If Wednesday One-Liners Can Make It Here, They Can Make It Anywhere

Chick: Nothing says New York like a wire frog.

–Battery Park

Lady who has loudly complained to the waiter about the poor service: It’s people like that who give New York City a bad name.

–Lindy’s, 7th Ave

Overheard by: joemikehap

Amateur anthropologist: Of course I have a snarky attitude! I’m a New Yorker; it’s practically a requirement!

–F train

Overheard by: Braincurve

Tourist on cell: Yeah! I’m in New York! Yeah, it’s kinda like New Orleans, except bigger and you can’t drink in the streets.

–Grand Central

Man on bicycle: New York is about freedom! Suck a dick!

–Astor Place

Overheard by: Laura

Guy watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre trailer: See, that’s why I never leave New York. You never see crazy motherfuckers like that in New York…except for niggas on the train.

–Regal Cinemas, Court St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Clitoris Rex

Little girl: There’s a lot of people in this New York City!

–Times Square

Posted on August 23, 2006
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Animals & Nature, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Etiquette, Grand Central, History & Geography, Lower Manhattan, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movie Theaters, Movies, On Cell, On the Subway, Only in New York, Penis, Pop Culture, Private Parts, Public Transportation, Restaurants & Cafes, Times Square, Tourism, Tourists, Trains Not Subway, Travel, U.S. Geography, Union Square and East Village, Waiters

Wednesday One-Liners Think ‘Un’ Is Also a Kind of Faithful

Ghetto guy: She know she got a man, but she’ll still gimme some. She know that!

–7 train

Young woman, screaming at young man: I dare you to fuck someone else again! I dare you!… You better not fuck anyone else! You better not!

–Hoyt-Schermerhorn station, Brooklyn

Queer on cell: Since when has your gaping hole decided to be faithful to your boyfriend?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Keith

Walking VD: When I first met you seven months ago I was kinda in another relationship. But now that that’s over, wanna get back in bed?

–32nd & 7th

Cop: So I’m fucking his wife for 6 years, and now he complains!

–238th & Broadway

Overheard by: Miriam

Posted on August 23, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Brooklyn, Cops, Dating, Hook Ups, Infidelity, Manhattan, Marriage, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, Penn Station, People, Pick-up Lines, Places, Private Parts, Queers, Sex, Sex & Relationships, The Bronx, Topics, Union Square and East Village, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Are Still Behind

Brooklyn guy: All I’m sayin’ is it goes without sayin’.

–Brooklyn bound D train

Overheard by: Robert Barry Francos

Hoochie on cell: I don’t want that. I’m looking for sauce. Sauce sauce sauce sauce sauce! S-A-U-S-C-E. Sauce!

–Waldbaum’s, Whitestone, Queens

Overheard by: Liz the Overheardista

Teen girl: Do you think Christmas will ever be on Friday the 13th?

–Times Square

Woman in elevator: She said 13…Where’s 13? What the… fuck? There’s no 13. Should I press 12? Or 14? What?…She said 13. Well I’ll just press both.

–22nd & Broadway

Overheard by: staring at the button for 13

Elderly woman, regarding painting: Would you look at the detail he put into this. It almost looks two dimensional.

–The Met

Overheard by: s.gothman

Tween boy: Did the dinosaurs come before or after Bible times?

–Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: Omg! He did not just ask that!

Posted on August 16, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Arts & Letters, Bimbettes, Elevators, Food, Grocery Stores, History & Geography, Holidays, Hootchies, Idiots, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Museum of Natural History, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Queens, Stupidity, Teens, The Met, Times Square, Tweens, Words

Sadly, She Was Unable to Chalk ‘Goldberg’ Off of Her ID

Girl on cell: Yeah, I’m at the Diesel party. Everything’s free. Just come and say you’re one of the Chapin sisters; they never showed up…What you mean? Just go to the door guy and say, “Hi, I’m one of the Chapin sisters.”…I don’t know their first names! Just say you’re a Chapin sister!

–Sky Studios, Broadway

Posted on August 15, 2006
About Celebrities, Advice, Buildings, Celebrations/Parties, Girls, Lies, On Cell

She Bought the Unreliable Narrator Cell Phone Plan

Woman on crowded elevator, screaming into her cell: And she know I’m a private person, so why she be sharin’ all that information like that?!

–E 26th St

Overheard by: Peter Horan

Posted on August 12, 2006
Anger Management, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Questions, Rumor Has It, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Built the Tower of Babel

Guy: Hey! Where’s my Sudanese pussy from Chinatown?

–14th & University

Guy on cell: I’ll meet you at the corner by the store with Chinese writing…Hey, wait a minute. All the fucking signs around here have Chinese writing.

–Walker & Lafayette

Overheard by: Wolf

Guy on cell: So, if this is true, then Dracula’s native language would be Hungarian rather than Romanian. And I think that is important for my research.

–Anthology Film Archives, 2nd St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: nosy cinephile

Teen girl: This bag is mad Aztec.

–13th & University

Co-Worker: So, did she mention anything about Mexicans?

–Office, W 36th St

Overheard by: Evan

Well-Traveled girl: Mexico is not a Third-World country. JFK is.

–Tea Lounge, Park Slope

Small child: Mommy, look! You can tell he’s Mexican by his eyes!

–Bodies exhibit, South Street Seaport

White girl, to Asian girl: So wait, is he just not Japanese or not interested?

–Walgreens, Union Square

Overheard by: Goldie

Businesswoman: Well you can’t kill a Vietnamese man because that would just cost too much.

–I Trulli restaurant, E 27th St

Hobo: You’re not Polish; you just think you’re Polish!

–Tompkins Square Park

Voice over intercom: Will the foreign exchange student please come to the cashier.

–Century 21

Sassy chick: I can’t believe she’s moving to fucking Cambodia to live with a fucking cricket-hunter she’s only known for two months!

–TGI Friday’s, 52nd & 7th

Overheard by: Shaina

Posted on August 9, 2006
Africans, All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Asians, Body Parts, Books & Writing, Brooklyn, Cashiers, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Chinatown, Death, Fashion, Foreigners, Girls, Global Geography, Guys, History & Geography, Hobos, Japanese, JFK Airport, Kids, Latinos, Manhattan, Men, Mexicans, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Money & Class, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, On Cell, Parents, Park Slope, People, Places, Pop Culture, Private Parts, Restaurants & Cafes, Store, Students, Suits, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Venues, Violence, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, White People, Women

That’s Not Their Son – Dad Hired Him For PR

Woman on cell: Ooh, so you’re wearing your birthday suit?
Little girl, screaming: What?! Daddy is wearing his birthday suit?! It’s not his birthday!
Woman: Honey! You can’t say that this loudly on the train!
Little girl, five minutes later: So I still don’t understand what a birthday suit is.
Little boy: I told you already! It’s a suit that dad got on his birthday, and he found it in the car today, so he decided to put it on.
Woman: Yep, he’s right.

–Metro-North train, Grand Central

Overheard by: Beth

Posted on August 5, 2006
Kids, Lies, Moms, Nudity, On Cell, Parents, Trains Not Subway, Women

On Cell