Wednesdays Feel Virtuous When They Don't Eat One-Liners

Weird hobo: Ladies and gentleman, I am a disabled Vietnam vet. I'm asking help from all of you so I don't wind up on the streets. While in Vietnam, I was exposed to Agent Orange, which caused me my disability–I became a vegetarian.

–Downtown 3 Train

Overheard by: An Amused Former Vegetarian

Aging hippie to woman spouting PETA propaganda: I've been a vegan for 30 years. You're embarrassing me. Why do you do that?

–F Train

Overheard by: AeC

Guy: Yo, I'm vegetarian now, I don't eat no meat, but man I love that chicken. That chicken just keeps comin' back to me!

–Manna's

Overheard by: eatinginharlem

Crazy-looking woman on bench: Oh my gosh, I was totally a vegetarian yesterday. Like literally, I ate no meat.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Meat Eater

Clueless 20-something female: Do you have another menu? I'm a vegan.

–Brother Jimmy's BBQ, 31st St

Posted on January 12, 2018
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Central Park, Crazies, Food, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Hippies, Hobos, Nostalgia, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Parks, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Vegetarian & Vegan, War, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Don't Lesbians Keep Nuts Away from Their Ears?

Sporty teen girl: So, I'm pretty sure Amy* is a lesbian. She never straightens her hair, and she always wears those coconut earrings…
Blonde friend: You wear coconut earrings.
Sporty teen girl: Yeah, but not every day!

–Central Park

Posted on November 28, 2017
Central Park, Fashion, Gays and Lesbians, Gossip, Parks, Physical appearance, Teens

Wednesday One-Liners See the World With Fresh Eyes

Little boy to dad: Does the Statue of Liberty have a claw?

–Battery Park

Little boy to mother: Will you hurry up? You're slower than my aunt Jebediah in the bathtub!

–Clark St, Brooklyn

Four-year-old boy to mother: And then you fed me…from your belly button!

–Old Navy Store

Overheard by: Joyfully Yours

Little boy playing with friend: Buenos dias, reptile!

–Astoria Park

Overheard by: Julie & Zane

Blond six-year-old, looking at father's New Yorker magazine: What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? What the hell?

–Doma Cafe

Seven-year-old with Spiderman backpack: Dad, have I lost my youth?

–1 Train

Little girl with pigtails, running to sit with family: We're going to the dark side!

–Sheep Meadow, Central Park

Posted on November 8, 2017
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Astoria, Battery Park, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Central Park, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Families, Family Ties, Film, Friends, Kids, Moms, Nicknames & name calling, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Statue of Liberty, Store, Street, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Totally Worth the Annual Membership Fee

Woman: We've got snacks in the office, if you like. It's very convenient having Costco nearby.
Man: Oh, that's great! I just recently discovered BJs with my girlfriend.

–Sunset Park, Brooklyn

Posted on October 24, 2017
BJs, Brooklyn, Food, Men, Offers and requests, Parks, Shopping, Women

A Real Celebrity Submission!

Janeane Garofalo: …so I just cover my whole body in Gold Bond powder.

–1st Ave. & 3rd St.

Posted on September 3, 2017
All Wednesday One-Liners, D-List, Health and Hygiene, Parks

Wednesday One-Liners Have a History of Violence

Guy, to girl: If I wanted to be angry, I would have punched you in the face a long time ago.

–34th & 7th

Woman on cell: Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.

–33rd St & 31st Ave, Astoria

Overheard by: Wade

Woman: It’s not like someone put a gun to your head and told you to fuck her!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Cha

Guy on cell: Yes, I’m interested in your sparring class…No, you see I want to hit somebody.

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Braincurve

Thug, to his girlfriend: Yo, I don’t care if you a girl or not. I will bust you in the head with a rock.

–Central Park

Posted on July 31, 2017
Anger Management, Assholes, Central Park, Crime and Punishment, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Parks, Penn Station, Punch, Relationships, Sex, Shoot, Street, Thugs, Violence

Straight Guys Generally Regret Pursuing This Line of Questioning

Queer: Wow, he’s cute.
Straight guy: Yeah… So, do you want to fuck him?
Queer: No, I want him to fuck me.

–Central Park

Posted on July 21, 2017
Backdoor, Beauty, Central Park, Default, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Parks, Queer guys, Questions, Sexuality, Wishes & desires

What's Eating Wednesday One-Liners?

NYU guy on cell: Hey dude, I just wanted you to know that I left my burrito in your fridge. Yeah, I'll come around next Tuesday to pick it up.

–South Street Seaport

Overheard by: Julium

Rotund old woman at lesbian hipster cafe: Give me a sesame bagel, pound it down till it's flat, then toast it till it has a nice rich brown coating. And please, a coffee with cream. Make it a nice tan color.

–Paradise Cafe, 8th & 17th

Overheard by: Sebastian White

Middle aged dad, yelling while crossing street with sons: I will learn to make Pad Thai!

–Union Square

Girl on phone: But seriously, you give me good food, and there's a pretty good chance I'll have a thing for you.

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: molly

Man: You know, when I was 25 all I thought about was spending the night at the Playboy mansion. And now I'm 35, and all I really want to do is eat barbecue.

–Hill Country BBQ

Overheard by: I'm just here for the ribs.