Preppy blond girl: Can you smell me? I smell so good.
Less preppy blond girl: Oh my god! Yeah! But can I smell you after class?
–Columbia University
Preppy blond girl: Can you smell me? I smell so good.
Less preppy blond girl: Oh my god! Yeah! But can I smell you after class?
–Columbia University
20-something female on cell: But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
–23rd St & 5th Ave
Customer, after placing order: …with hardboiled eggs.
Gay waiter: Hardboiled eggs smell like dirty assholes, an I've seen a few dirty assholes.
–Denny's
Overheard by: student-19
Preppy guy on cell: No, dude! I don't know, like…like really dirty girls.
–86th & Lexington
Overheard by: Anne
12-year-old boy to mother: The bum, you know! The dirty man that plays with me.
–Forest Parkway
Overheard by: Jason A
Guy dancing on new lawn: This isn't even good grass! It's dirty, yo!
–Pratt Institute, Brooklyn
Girl on cell: Oh my god, I was watching some porn the other day and saw the creepiest thing! (pause) No, it's not a penis. I've seen penises before. (pause) No, it wasn't an ugly penis. That would be like…what, a herpes penis? (pause) So anyway, I was watching this porno, right? This guy lubed up his head and stuck it into a vagina. Like, up to his friggin'…past his nose! (pause, then laughing) I get off on lubed-up heads? (pause) Yeah, he was bald.
–11th St & 5th Ave
Preppy guy: If it's made out of brass, it's not pornographic.
–Brooklyn Botanical Gardens
Overheard by: Hunter (aka
Guy on cell: Yeah, so I got this one called Stick it in Deep.
–St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: j
Indignant law student: Look, the fact is, the videos of animal torture were not being used for sexual gratification!
–Fordham Law School
Beatnik professor: The internet is only good for two things. Online banking is not one of them. If you online bank, then you're fucked for life. They'll steal your identity. The internet is good for porn, and for getting underwear on sale. Now, I know many people may find buying a brassiere online to be strange, but women do it anyway. Now, the internet is great for porn, but you can't do kiddie porn. If you do kiddie porn then they'll get you. We all know who they are.
–Queens College
Large woman attempting to sit down: Y'all better slide down, cause my ass is wide!
–Downtown 4 Train
Overheard by: squished
Limping black hobo to preppy white male: Maaaaan…what's that got to do with wiping yo' ass?
–10th Ave b/w 50th & 51st
Middle aged man to daughter: Come on, let's go look for baby bottle butt!
–H Mart
Professor: I got excited because another man touched my ass in public!
–Fordham University, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Haven't we all?
Seated man to mom letting her child run around restaurant: Your daughter just put her hand in my butt crack.
–Park Slope
Fat preppy girl: Oh my god! Is that a rhinoceros? I didn't know they still existed!
Friend: Yeah, that's one right there.
Fat preppy girl: But I thought dinosaurs were extinct?
–Bronx Zoo
Headline by: JohnAustin
Runners-Up:
· “Apparently, You’ve Never Watched “The View”” – PeterG
· “No, Just My Faith in Our Education System” – Jeff
· “She Thinks That About Salads Too” – Tom
· “That Would Explain Why the Hippo Looked So Real!” – Pat
· “This Is a Creationist Zoo” – Coyoty
· “Why Didn’t You TELL Me We’re in a Museum?” – Emily Leonard
· “You’re Confusing It With the Do-Ya-Think-He-Saurus” – Skug Skellum
Preppy guy: But it doesn't mean anything!
Preppy friend: I don't care. I'm still fergiliscious.
–W 75th St
Preppy white guy: I'm sorry, but you can't.
Hippie white chick: Bite my junk, bitch!
Preppy white guy, sighing: Okay, I'll see you at dinner.
Hippie white chick: Later! Love you!
–Henry St & Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn Heights
Preppy girl: Oh my god! I swear, she's like the biggest prep I have ever seen in my entire life!
Man, sitting down: I got my share of irony for today.
–Q16 Bus
Headline by: EddieA
Runners-Up:
· “And I Didn’t Have to Wait for the L or the J” – Elsie Norma
· “And I Haven’t Even Been to Williamsburg Yet” – Kaitlen
· “Beats the Shit Out Of That Whole “Black Fly in Your Chardonnay” Thing” – mac
· “It’s Because She’s Blind, Right?” – tatts
· “Take THAT Alanis Morissette” – my meter’s pegged
· “That Day Bob Realized He Didn’t Need the Supplements After All” – subtleglow
· “Yeah, but She Had TWO Sweaters Over Her Shoulders” – Mary
· “You Need to Build Up Hipster-Level Tolerances to Handle Stuff Like This” – Jeff
Preppy gay guy #1: They are so nasty and full of diseases.
Preppy gay guy #2: What, the pigeons?
Preppy gay guy #1: No, the children.
–Central Park
Preppy guy #1: Dude, Ikea's where you come when you want to see what your life could really look like.
Preppy guy #2: Yeah, it's like imagination land!
–Ikea, Brooklyn
