Chick: I mean, we could discuss the merits of jacking off over the toilet.
Dude: There are merits?
–Vol de Nuit, W 4th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: ultracondensed movies
Chick: I mean, we could discuss the merits of jacking off over the toilet.
Dude: There are merits?
–Vol de Nuit, W 4th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: ultracondensed movies
Salesgirl #1: Why are you going to an ugly boy's party?
Salesgirl #2: Because I'm cool with his friends.
Salesgirl #1: Doesn't he know he's ugly?
–Urban Outfitters
Overheard by: Kaitlen
Hobo to long-haired hipster playing around with remote-control car: Get a job, asshole!
–Norfolk & Rrivington, Lower East Side
Overheard by: globalvillageidiot
Hobo to passerby: Hey, wanna cum on my ass?
–72nd St & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Rei
Hobo to girl giving him money: Not too much, gorgeous!
–13th St & University
Hobo: What time is bedtime at the Neverland ranch? When the big hand touches the little hand! (pause) Why does Michael Jackson like twenty-seven year olds? Because there's twenty of them!
–1 Train
Bag lady, screaming and chasing a suit: You muthafucka, you stole my 401k! I'ma getchya and take it back!
–52nd & 6th
Overheard by: Get me out of Finance
Eight-year-old Russian boy, in Martin Luther King voice: I had a dream, that one day…I pooped. (giggles)
–Q Ttrain
Overheard by: Robert G.
Drunk bro on phone: I know I'm not the guy you fuck in the shower, but can I shit on your chest?
–Fordham University
Woman on cell: There's no law against defecation.
–3rd Ave & 10th St
Overheard by: SophieMed
Man whispering into cell: I'm going to have to take a number two while we're talking.
–Sunshine Suites
Young man on cell: We're in the ticket line. Are you still pooping?
–Castle Clinton
Overheard by: B Fraz
20-something guy to friends: When I poop on something, I want someone to notice!
–Bushwick, Brooklyn
Overheard by: I prefer to flush
Female black security guard to male black security guard: So you got two kids that you know of…
–MoMa
Security agent: You are now entering the metal detector area, so those of you with wooden cell phones should feel free to keep those in your pockets.
–JFK
Overheard by: Jason
Security guard to teens blocking entrance: Hmm, just what I need at 9 am, a motherfucking school group.
–Paley's Museum of Radio and Television
Overheard by: scarface
Security guard on cell: Why isn't your hand on your butt?
–Duane Reade
Overheard by: Lord Almighty
Library security guard: Welcome to the library, where your wildest dreams come true.
–St. John's University
Chubby Mideastern white tourist: Hey! Is this Houston Street?
Thug: I've had enough of you tourists! One more of this Hooostin Street shit and I'mma bust a cap in yo Midwestern fat asses!
Husband of Mideastern white tourist: I'm guessing it is.
–Houston Street
Girl #1: So how was the movie date with Adam?
Girl #2: Good! We saw Watchmen. I really liked it!
Girl #1: Did he like it?
Girl #2: Yeah, but he was upset about the nudity. The cock-to-tits ratio was not in his favor.
–58th & 8th
Gay man: Oh my god, look!
Gayer man: What? That dead baby or those shoes?
Gay man: Yeah, the shoes.
–48th & Broadway
Overheard by: Shane
Man, looking at stage: Why are there shrimp hanging on the wall?
Girlfriend: Those aren't shrimp, they're horses' heads! This isn't a musical!
—Equus
Overheard by: Hope
Girl #1: Have you ever been to Flushing?
Girl #2: What's the point of this question?
Girl #1: It's not even a question, I'm just asking you!
–LaGuardia High School
Overheard by: vieve
