Girl: Yeah, he was cute and really nice, but he's not my type.
Guy: Why?
Girl: Well, he's from Brooklyn!
Guy: Oh.
Girl: Obviously.
–Upper West Side
Girl: Yeah, he was cute and really nice, but he's not my type.
Guy: Why?
Girl: Well, he's from Brooklyn!
Guy: Oh.
Girl: Obviously.
–Upper West Side
Blonde chick to dude: Isn't he, like, koreish?
–F Train
Dude on cell: It's not even like a relationship, it's all texting, it's a textationship.
–22nd & 1st
Overheard by: loves it
Girl on cell: She was all slippy and shit.
–SoHo
Student to another: The trouble with you is that you got the wrong misconception.
–Broadway & 116th
Overheard by: Cousin Al
Mom, upon examining young son's pruney toes: Jake! What's wrong with your toe? Look, the skin is coming off, it's like you're molding! Just like a little bird! Your foot is molding!
–Prep School Swimming Pool
Overheard by: I dream of Jean
Teen on payphone: Listen! Mah words isn't what I'm sayin!
–Fulton & Broadway
Overheard by: Mondo Man
Woman on cell: You thought he was gonna shit on you? Sit? Spit? You gonna need to step up your English game.
–Fulton Street Subway Station
Overheard by: Johnny Twisto
Flashy creepster to blonde: Look at me. (she doesn't) Look at me. (she doesn't) Look at me. (she does) You should be careful. It's a big city.
New-in-town blonde girl: After what I just went through I'm just going to have five boyfriends.
Flashy creepster: I'm telling you. You should be careful. It's a big city. Not everyone is good.
New-in-town blonde girl: I was having a good time, and then I fell and love and got burned.
Flashy creepster (menacing): I'm telling you. Not everyone is good.
New-in-town blonde girl: I'm just who I am. If you can't handle me…
Flashy creepster: Oh, I can handle you. I can handle you very well.
–Starbucks
Overheard by: jbrizzle
Teenage Latina to friend: So I want my next man and me to have more in common. My man, he gotta dress ghetto, you know, baggy pants, piercings, and chains, but he can't be no pimp or dirty slut. He can't be having no nasty diseases. He can't have no kids or none on the way and he can't have done no time, yet.
Friend: Gattita, I hear you. But what'cha gonna do with him?
Teenage Latina: Well, he's gonna have to like scary movies and reggaeton, Mexican food, and… (pauses to think for a moment) French fries! You know, them white people's food.
Friend: Holla.
–2 Train
Overheard by: Carrie
Guy on cell: You start dating married women, you end up meeting their husbands.
–49th & 6th
Man on cell (guiltless and disinterested): She said I cheated, duh-duh-duh-duh.
–Church St & Barclay
Overheard by: Robert J. Anderson
Female suit on cell: He cheated on me on my 30th birthday in Nantucket and I called my mom to tell her and she said, "Are you ready to give up that lifestyle? He's wealthy and he's gorgeous. I don't want to hear it." But I want someone to be über-attracted to me.
–19th & 8th
Overheard by: Sebastian White
Dude on cell: Hello? (pause) I told you never to call me on this number. (pause) Because I don't want my wife to find out that we're dating.
–6th Ave & 17th St
Psuedo-gansta to friend: Yo, I would cheat on my wife except then you gotta buy them flowers and chocolate and shit. I'd rather spend money on my wife and be happy at home.
–N Train
Girl on cell, doing laundry: Yeah…and then he says that he has a girlfriend and he doesn't cheat on her…so I said, "Really? Then what was your penis just doing in my mouth?"
–Laundromat, 9th Ave & 53rd St
Overheard by: tinyfoo
Homeless guy hugging another: I love you, old school! You got a cigarette?
–14th St & 8th Ave
Drunk, fighting with another and punching phone booth: I will fuck you up, man! I love you, man!
–E 11th St & 9th Ave
Sloppy drunk dial outside gay club: I love you so fuckin much, mom…like…*more* than Anna Nicole!
–Valda, Gay Bar, NYC
Female NYU student: You don't love Joe Biden as much as I do. Dude, Joe Biden is awesome! He should be gay!
–Tisch Hall, NYU
Overheard by: Blair
Guy leaning against light post, to girlfriend: Listen, I love you…but you're so fucking mean.
–47th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: J&J
Girl on cell: My ex-boyfriend used to call the subway "The MTA," and I was like, "Yeah…this isn't working out."
–Penn Station
Overheard by: I would've dumped him too
Teenager on cell: If, hypothetically, what we had been doing was dating, then technically, hypothetically, he just broke up with me. Fucking douche.
–Finacial District
Cute girl: Don't you know the rules of break-ups? You have to clean out the drawer. You can't bring old lube to a new relationship.
–Essex & Grand
Overheard by: yaletownkid
Guy to friend: So you're telling me that I broke up with her because of lube?
–Park Slope
Guy on cell: Look, I know I said "forever." It's not your fault! To be honest, I just never really liked you that much!
–West 4th St. Subway Entrance
Preppy boy: That was the worst part about breaking up with my ex-girlfriend. She got a 50% discount at Polo!
–Bloomingdale's
Girl: So yeah, that was the most interesting lesbian relationship I've ever had, but she left me for her old science teacher. At least you know where you stand with guys. (sighs)
–Macy's
Overheard by: Nathan
Suit nearing retirement, to his department: Did you ever think that Hilary Clinton just has to be a lesbian?
–Office, Midtown West
Man: I noticed I get checked out the most by women when I'm with a woman, so I started hanging around with lesbians and now we pick up women together.
–1 Train
Hobo, to no one in particular: I'm not a thespian, I'm a lesbian. From Hoboken.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Eric
Crazy hobo: Hillary invented the lesbian vote. There was no lesbian vote before Hillary, she created it! Thirty million lesbians all lined up to vote, and you know what you have to do to get the lesbian vote? You've gotta squeeze it. You have to squeeze the lesbian. How do you get orange juice? You squeeze it! You gotta squeeze the lesbian to get the vote!
–E Train
Overheard by: an unsqueezed lesbian
Angry woman on cell: No, I'm not doing the lesbian thing tonight. No. I'll be home soon.
–Outside Lesbian Bar, Hudson St
Overheard by: lady
Man on cell: Listen, you are just not going to meet a young woman who doesn't have a MySpace page, isn't religious, and doesn't want children.
–46th St & 5th St
30-something to friend: Why is it people from the Midwest always ask if you've tried speed dating? It is like the first thing they think of when they hear about a single woman in New York–she must not have tried speed dating yet.
–1st St & 2nd Ave
Girl on cell: I mean, he basically acts like we're living together. But I don't know, like, I almost called him last night and asked, "are we even dating?"
–65th St & 1st Ave
Hispanic lady: I don't need no man, I don't need no man. I got everything I need in my purse.
–Cafe, West Village
Guy: Want to come back to my place?
Girl: I thought you had a girlfriend.
Guy: I told you, I just haven't broken up with her yet!
Girl: Fine, but you still have a girlfriend.
Guy: Fuck that. I still have a girlfriend only in the same sense that Bush is still President.
–Blue & Gold
Overheard by: true…
