Attractive 30-something woman: Hi! How have you been?
Aged 40-something man: Good, good. So, are you still married?
Attractive 30-something woman: Yes, of course.
Aged 40-something man: Eh, had to ask.
–Steps On Broadway
6th grader #1: I don't want to go to tennis, I want to stay after school today.
6th grader #2: I can't, I'm going to be out until 7.
6th grader #1: Why?
6th grader #2: I have a social life.
6th grader #1: You don't have a social life; you have a therapist!
–Trevor Day School
Music theory professor, explaining classical idioms: The reason we use these techniques is because the great composers did–Mozart, Beethoven, Bach. They knew what they were doing. Bach knew that Mozart intuitively understood the music. When he reviewed Mozart's work, he was like, "that motherfucker!" (slight pause) Yeah, more or less.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Music Theorist
Girl to friends: Imagine this: Spice Girls concert, platform shoes, glitter all over my body…
–McCarren Park, Brooklyn
Overheard by: do I have to?
20-something Whitey McWhiteface to friends: So do you think Lil Wayne tried to become a hipster or, like, it just happened?
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Hopper
Guy to friend, while watching Radiohead: This is a great song to urinate to.
–Liberty State Park
Doctoral student on phone: I can't do my dissertation on the sex lives of great composers…I can't… No, it's just that the subject is too big… Ok, so 1950 to present.
–Manhattan School of Music
Overheard by: Xiao Hoah Dze
Conductor: Please stand clear of the closing doors. And now for your entertainment… (taps on the microphone a pretty decent beat) I hope you all like my beats…I've been practicing!
–F Train
Overheard by: Groovin to the music
Guy, getting his hair cut: So I spent $150 more than I would have if I got the Wii in the store, 'cause my wife said, "If I don't get Guitar Hero, I will divorce you."
–SoHo
Dork: Don't call it a Gameboy…you're downgrading my PSP.
–The Village
Small Asian kid, pounding the computer mouse in frustration: Where the hell is Carmen Sandiego?!
–Chinese School
40-year-old guy with ten-year-old kid, to GameStop employee: Excuse me, I'm thinking of buying GTA for my son. Is there a way to turn off the profanity?
–GameStop, Park Ave
Overheard by: Jake C.
Angry guy to girlfriend: Look, I get the whole not wanting to have public sex thing, but I don't know if I can be with someone who won't play Wii.
–43rd & Madison
History teacher: And who wrote the Declaration of Independence?
White girl: Thomas Jefferson.
Black boy: Oh, I was gonna say “George Jefferson.”
Black girl: “George Jefferson” is the name of the chicken place by your house, fool!
–LaGuardia Arts High School
Overheard by: George Jefferson
Guy: And I was thinking how lucky I was not to have had a bris. That guy had like eight of them!
–Thai Restaurant
Overheard by: sara swank
Girl: Wait, are you circumcised? In the penis?
–Wicked Monk, 86th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: christine
Beautiful Latina: But my dad getting circumcised at 57 wasn’t even the funniest thing!
–Dallas BBQ, Upper West Side
Overheard by: Ladle
Teen on cell: So, they were going to uncircumcise it?
–Flatbush Ave & 7th Ave, Brooklyn
Teen girl: Oh my god, my circumcised hot dog!
–The Summit School
Overheard by: Michael
CVS employee on cell: Yo, that nigga be gangsta son, he be gangsta. That nigga be circumcised, he all "what?" that nigga fall down, he be "waah, waah" then be be right back up playing an shit. Yeah, that nigga’s gangsta.
–CVS, 30th Ave, Astoria
Overheard by: Robyn
Two-year-old boy: Mom, I missed you a lot in school.
Mother: Don’t talk.
–Pizza Place, 86th & Broadway
Overheard by: eliza
Student teacher: Guys! Seriously! Was the Underground Railroad an actual train?
7th graders: No.
Student teacher: Then why did you all circle “true” for number 8: “The Underground Railroad ran on coal”?
–University Neighborhood Middle School
Five-year-old girl in the men’s bathroom: Hey everybody! Look! I have fat poopies!
–New Dance Group, West 38th St
Random chick: She’s gonna be all over me for shitting today.
–Outside Butler Library, Columbia University
Overheard by: McFreaky
Girl: I so should have taken a dump in that toilet!
–14th & 4th
High school boy: I literally walked in the bathroom and saw like, someone took a dump on the floor; and it was more than one person! And I was just like, wow, is this a new trend or something?
–Fresh Meadows, Queens
Overheard by: Caro-kun
18-year-old CPR/AED instructor on using a defibrillator: …if you’re touching the person when you administer the shock, it won’t kill you, but you might poo a little.
–50th & Broadway
Overheard by: Fred Daubert
Chick: Welp, I am ready to have diarrhea now!
–2nd Ave & 11th
20-something woman to friends: I mean they said they’d pay me $20 for it. I would show them one for $20, why not? One boob for $20? I mean, maybe they thought it was a big deal since we were at work.
–N Train Platform, 34th St Station
Overheard by: Regina
[Two young woman crossing the street. One turns to the the other and grabs her breast.]Grabber girl: Honk!
[Both giggle and cross street into Victoria’s Secret.]
–34th & Broadway
Overheard by: Chockita
Female boss to employee in low-cut shirt: Your boobs are awesome. But -I’m just gonna have to do this. [Pulls up employee’s neckline.] Because…I just wanna dive in there. Head-first.
–Theater, St Marks Place
Overheard by: fhqwhgads
Professor: So you see, men only like women’s boobs because of cleavage.
–Bard High School Early College
Tourist girls: [In unison from the door] Booooobies! [Run to the big naked lady sculpture and poses to take a picture].
–Columbus Circle
Teen girl to friend: Julia! Put your titties away!
–14th & 6th
Bored, drunken guy in a silent train cart: So does anyone wanna show their titties?
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Not drunk enough to flash
