One-Eyed, One-Horned Flying Wednesday One-Linereaters

Guy: …and then I'd be a cyborg.

–Soho

Overheard by: Nicole Q

Man on cell: But wouldn't that make you a vampire?

–45th St

Crazy guy, returning after briefly exiting car: I tried to make it to the end of the train, but I was blocked by a teenage werewolf. I have encountered them before, but never outside Brooklyn.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Canucking Futs

Guy on phone: In your next life, you're gonna come back as a vampire.

–Williamsburg

Dude, marveling to another on train: Damn, son, you look like Godzilla with a fade.

–Q Train

Hipster waiter: The fucking gnome took my remote control. The one thing in the world that I love. I told him, "you can take anything except the remote control." And sure enough, he took the fucking remote control.

–Restaurant, Williamsburg

Posted on October 27, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Baristas, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Guys, Hipsters, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Public Transportation, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Science, Sensory Experiences, Soho, Stupidity, Thievery, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg

“Starving Children in Ethiopia Don't Even Have Wednesday One-Liners!”

NYU student to another: Spinach is like sex: if you were forced to have it as a child, you wouldn't enjoy it as an adult.

–University Place & 12th St

Hobo, pointing to deli sign: They want you to toss your own salad for $8.95.

–23rd and 3rd

Overheard by: Nicole Shipman

Suit shouting into cell: Eggplant! Eggplant! Jesus Christ, what is so fucking hard about eggplant?!

–Greenwich Village

Overheard by: Sunny

Subway preacher: I like vegetables! You gotta eat them so you can live. I like to put vegetables in my mouth. I like the way they taste!

–N Train

Guy to another: Take the pickle, because by god if someone else does and you don't get it, well, you'll be pickle-less and that's not ideal.

–125th St

Overheard by: Brian K.

Posted on October 13, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Delis, Education, Food, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Kids, Money & Class, On the Subway, Preachers, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Street, Students, Suits, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Vegetarian & Vegan, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

On the Plus Side, Sarcasm Will Serve Him Well in This Town.

Local-seeming girl: So this is Chelsea.
Touristy guy: Hmmmm, smells really good!
(girl gives him dirty look)

–24th & 8th Ave

Posted on September 26, 2010
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Girls, Only in New York, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Tourists

You're No Body 'til Some Body Wednesday One-Liners You

Ghetto girl to group of friends: And I was just like "Oh my god! No, she didn't! Not with that nose!"

–C Train

Guy: You could fry an egg on her stomach.

–Union Square Green Market

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Indian cougar: I just like the feeling of a nice hard young male body.

–Bowery St

Overheard by: Dj bj

Woman showing pictures on camera: And this is da one where I'm givin' him da deaf eyes…

–West Village

Overheard by: Cass

Woman on cell: Never once have I opened my legs to anyone… besides you.

–Downtown Brooklyn

Overheard by: Matt Martin

Teen to friend: They said it wouldn't be fair for me to fight her cause she ain't got no fingers.

–Outside Erasmus High School

Posted on September 15, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Fast Times at New York High, Food, Friends, Ghetto Chicks, Guys, India Indians, Lower East Side, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Pictures, Relationships, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

That's Just New York in the Morning, Honey

Little girl: It smells here.
Father: Oh, like what?
Little girl: Like… Coffee… and… the zoo.

–Starbucks

Posted on September 6, 2010
Animals & Nature, Coffee, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Kids, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Starbucks

5-to-7-Day Liners

Girl: Lisa went down on me while I was on my period. I decided just to roll with it.

–Frying Pan Bar

Professor: Let's all go home and menstruate! My goal in this class is to get all of you on the same schedule.

–NYU

Overheard by: Leslie

Upscale female suit on cell: I'm totally on the rag, but you can still lick my asshole.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: The Trooper

Gay guy on cell: I'm so cranky, I feel like I'm a girl who's on her period and pregnant.

–Park Ave & 29th St

Big black guy, loudly on phone: Why you bitchin at me because I won't cleeeeen behind you? I'm not gonna clean your nasty period ass offa the toilet! (nearby people begin laughing) Bitch, even the people on the streets be laughing at you!

–123rd St & Manhattan Ave

Posted on September 1, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Asshole, Bars & Clubs, Black People, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Gender issues, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Laughter, Licking, Menstruation, Murray Hill and Gramercy, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Queer guys, Questions, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Students, Suits, Teachers/Professors, Wednesday One-Liners

Yes, It Was a Sex Thing.

Annoying tween: Oh my god, my dad made me use this, like, Salon brand shampoo. Oh my god, look at this volume! There's nothing! (two friends nod) And, guess what? It also smells like llama spit! (two friends look confused) You want to know how I know what llama spit smells like? My dad once got spat on in the face by a llama!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Lily

Posted on August 22, 2010
Animals & Nature, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, Hair, Health and Hygiene, On the Subway, Sensory Experiences, Smegma, Tweens

Why Else Would We Dress Like This?

Girl #1: You ever feel like you are on display? Like men are watching you?
Girl #2, laughing: You are so funny.
Girl #3: What? What did you say?
Girl #1: You ever feel like you are on display?
Girl #3: Like on a reality show?

–7th Ave & 39th St

Overheard by: Mondo Man

Posted on August 6, 2010
Compare/Contrast, Girls, Laughter, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Sensory Experiences, TV

Should You Shave Your Wednesday One-Liners? Discuss.

Guy on cell, to girlfriend: I have such a headache in my balls right now.

–49th St & 10th Ave

Overheard by: Michael

Very drunk boyfriend to drunk girlfriend: If you can't stay here, talk to me and make this right! I'm gonna have to be a man, grow some balls and leave you!

–140th St & Broadway

Man on crowded sidewalk: Balls to butts, people. Balls to butts.

–Times Square

Girl to friends: I'd totally teabag him, but I don't got no balls.

–Brooklyn Heights