Crotchless Wednesday One-Liners

Woman on cell: This is the same girl who has G-strings where her forks and knives should go.

–2nd St & Ave B

Salesgirl: Do you want your boobies up or down?

–Victoria’s Secret, Manhattan Mall

Overheard by: Linda

Woman: I told Terrence not to pack that stuff in my carry-on. Security threw out all my Victoria Secrets!

–Starbucks, La Guardia airport

Overheard by: Allears

Girl: Only fat girls and porn stars wear Ds. I want to be a C!

–Victoria’s Secret, 57th St

Man: Do you want to get some maternity underwear to make you feel sexy?

–Greene St & Prince St

Overheard by: deadzebra

Man: Are you a Jehovah’s Witness? ‘Cause I don’t want you comin’ to my house unless you’re going to drop your panties!

–PATH train

Overheard by: blkgirl

Girl on cell: Dad? Hi. I just bought a lot of panties at Victoria’s Secret. Can you reimburse me? Dad?

–Broadway & Prince St

Overheard by: djingo

Posted on April 21, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Assholes, Bimbettes, Cashiers, Clothing, Creepsters, Customers, Insults, LaGuardia Airport, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Parents, Porn, Rack, Religion, Shopping, Soho, Starbucks, Store, Stupidity, Trains Not Subway, Travel, Union Square and East Village

I Found Unfunny Dickhole’s Doppelganger

Girl: Guys, I saw a doppelganger for Justin Case today!
Guy: Yeah me too, his name is Justin Time.

–Virgin, Union Square

Posted on April 21, 2015
Manhattan, Names, People, Places, Store, Topics, Union Square and East Village, Venues, Words

Harps Require Too Much Manual Dexterity

King of single line drawings: Can you make me some copies of these drawings? I am the king of single line drawings.
Copy guy #1: How many do you want?
King of single line drawings: What’s your favorite musical instrument? I’ll make you one right now on the spot. How about that?
Copy guy #1: Piano.
King of single line drawings: …And here you are. What’s your favorite instrument?
Copy guy #2: Saxophone.
King of single line drawings: …And here you are. Hey, you back there! What’s your favorite instrument?
Copy girl: A harp!
King of single line drawings: Oh…anything but a harp!

–Village Copier, 111th & Broadway

Posted on April 20, 2015
Arts & Letters, Clerks, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Music, Store, Vendors & Street Performers

We Used to Throw Bottles, But Why Waste Good Liquor?

Hispanic mother with child on Halloween, to liquor store vendor: You got candy?
Vendor: No, no candy.
Mother to child: Know what happens when they don't got no candy baby? They get egged.

–Liquor Store, 12th St & Ave A

Posted on April 17, 2015
Alphabet City, Food, Latinos, Moms, Offers and requests, Questions, Store, Weirdness

Dad's Still Hoping for a Little Lesbian

Little girl, pointing at a bathtub full of candy balls: What are those, daddy?
Dad: Those balls are dirty.

–Candy Shop, 63rd St & 3rd Ave

Posted on April 17, 2015
Balls, Cleanliness, Dads, Junk Food & Fast Food, Kids, Parents, Questions, Store, Upper East Side

Wednesday One-Liners Are So Not the Freshmaker

Bimbette: I don't think I've ever been that grossed out during the day. It all started when that woman smelled like pee…

–6 Train

Overheard by: j

Female suit: We were above an Indian restaurant and he was banging me from behind. I could smell the curry, and while he was banging me I was gagging.

–NJ Transit

Chick: You smell like vag and pizza.

–Borders

Girl to friend, after bending head down into her: Damn my puss stank.

–E Train

Overheard by: Nicole

College guy (screaming at friend): Dude! How are you even in college?! You smell like Oust! You smell like Tropical Glade!

–1 Train

Concerned hipster: I know you just orgasmed, but what's that smell?

–E 9th & 3rd

Overheard by: Peanut

Posted on April 17, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Backdoor, Bimbettes, Compare/Contrast, Ethnic Food, Ew, Jersey, Frat Boys, Friends, Girls, Hipsters, On the Subway, Orgasm, Pee, Pizza, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Store, Suits, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Weirdness, Women

And She Probably Didn't Know 'til He Told Her

Girl #1: He told her she was too fat?
Girl #2: Yeah, he broke up with her.
Girl #1: That's terrible!
Girl #2: Well, she did get kind of fat.

–Nail Salon, 18th & 5th

Overheard by: Rachel

Posted on April 14, 2015
Breaking Up, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Diet/Weight, Girls, Physical appearance, Questions, Store

Except For Occasional Embarrassing Antics in the Back Seat, the Invisible Man Found His Condition no Impediment to Driving a Cab

Guy #1: I mean, what’s PDA about the back of a cab?
Guy #2: Well…
Guy #1: The cab driver? Give me a break–he doesn’t count. There’s no place better to make out in than the back of a cab.

–Verizon Wireless store, 86th St

Posted on April 13, 2015
Guys, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Store

Clap If You Believe in Wednesday One-Liners

NYU guy: I'm like a centaur, if ya know what I mean.

–University & 4th St

Overheard by: sarah

Female hipster to friends: Well, vampires are the new zombies!

–147th & Convent

Thuggish straight guy to another: Oh, I'd much rather be a faggot than a demon, dawg.

–Park Ave & Spring St

Overheard by: Christopher Schulz

Interviewer, trying to convince interviewee: There's not much of a future in being an elf.

–Macy's

Italian woman, staring at guy wearing Ghostbusters t-shirt: You donta lika da ghosts?

–Meatpacking District

Overheard by: Looking for my proton pack

Posted on April 12, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Hipsters, Italians, Jobs & Careers, Magic, Manhattan, Movies, One-liners, Questions, Sexuality, Store, Street, Students, Stupidity, The Village, Thugs, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Washington Heights and Inwood, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

It's Wednesday One-Linas, Boo

Thug to girlfriend: Listen, baby, I'm not really lying, fully!

–Ave B & 10th St

Thug: Yo, I wanna go to yoga, son!

–St. Marks Place

Thug: Sometimes I look around and wonder if in my next life I might be a bird.

–1st & 3rd

Overheard by: Angela

Short thug on cell: I'm gonna get you some slippers, mami, so you can show off your feet. Show off your feet. (pause) Show off your feet!

–7th Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ladle

Thug to thug friend: Yo, man, you gotta wake up and smell them Arabica beans!

–CVS

Overheard by: freshly brewed.

Thug, yelling to female companion: When you gon' let me show you some dick? When you gon' let me show you some dick? Just let me show you to see if you like it! If not, you can go back to those bitches! At least we'll have something in common!

–7th Ave & 21st St, Brooklyn

Thug, excitedly discussing favorite cold stone flavor: Yo, no homo man! Peanut sensation!

–Downtown D Train

Overheard by: Raven

Posted on April 10, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Birds, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Coffee, Food, Gays and Lesbians, Girlfriends, Lies, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penis, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Shoes, Store, Street, Stupidity, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women, Yoga