Wednesday One-Liners for Change

Black lady to family in obama t-shirts: You know how all those irish people have pictures of kennedy hanging up in their living rooms? Now we can do that too!

–Whole Foods, Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Definitely has a JFK picture in her apartment

Guy selling obama-themed condoms: Remember the election with every erection!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Mary Button

Black woman with a child in her stroller braiding her hair: There's gona be a lot of braidin in the white house.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Subway surfer

Woman on cell phone: Girl, if I can get to the front of the line at the vma's I can get to the front of the line at the damn inauguration. Shiiiit it's barack obama, girl!

–manhattan dental waiting room

Overheard by: Catherine

Stoned kid to a group of his friends discussing politics: You know what's scary bro? If obama gets assassinated, george bush is gonna be president again.

–1 Train @ 2AM going Downtown

Black man handing out metro: "get your obama metro! Get your obama metro! See, anyone can be president… I'm next!"

–59th Street, Lexington Ave

Overheard by: Yes we can!

Posted on April 7, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Condoms, Democrats, Erections, Families, Fears, Friends, Hospitals, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Murder, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Paranoia, Pictures, Politics, President, Race, Stoners, Stupidity, Times Square, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vendors & Street Performers, Weirdness, Whole Foods, Women

Presenting the Fall Wednesday One-Liner Collection

Fashion photographer: That's a skirt? I thought it was a hat.

–Fashion Closet, Conde Nast Building

Indecisive woman to friend: I like this sweater in principle.

–Banana Republic, 86th & Broadway

Tween girl to mom: I'm not going to put my precious glove in the frickin' oven!

–Queens

Guy: I'm just saying, he doesn't dress like a bro.

–Astor Place

Irate girl wearing too much lipstick: That band really doesn't do him justice… I mean, I don't think he should have to wear a unitard. And she really shouldn't wear one, you know?

–6 Train

Overheard by: Wants to see him in unitard

Posted on April 7, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Clothing, Fashionistas, Friends, Girls, Guys, Kids, Moms, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Physical appearance, Queens, Questions, Store, Street, Stupidity, Times Square, Tweens, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

I Only Wait on Lines This Long for Cupcakes

Drunk guy on St. Patrick's Day to group of students by McDonald's: You guys want a fucking cheeseburger that fucking bad, huh?
Young teenager, sarcastically: Actually, I'm a vegetarian.
Drunk guy: Then what the fuck is this for?
Young teenager: Tofu and salad.
Drunk guy: Fuck this!

–Times Square

Posted on April 6, 2010
Drunks, Insults, Junk Food & Fast Food, Restaurants & Cafes, Students, Teens, Times Square, Vegetarian & Vegan

Can't Forget If You Never Knew in the First Place

Stupid fat American girl #1: So like, where's the World Trade Centers?
Stupid fat American girl #2: Ohmigod, are you serious? They were, like, destroyed!
Stupid Far American girl #1: Ohmigod! Are you for real? I thought that it was like, only one of them…!

–Times Square

Posted on February 25, 2010
Directions, Fat People, Girls, Ground Zero, Idiots, NYC Geography, Stupidity, Terrorism, Times Square

As Seen in The Real No-House Wives Of New Jersey

20-something hipster: I haven't seen that bum before.
Girlfriend: Keep walking, it's not like you know him.
20-something hipster: He must be from New Jersey. I hate bums from New Jersey, they're so stuck up!

–Times Square

Overheard by: llennnn16

Posted on February 19, 2010
Girlfriends, Gripes, Hipsters, Homeless, Times Square

Tonight's Movie: The Elephantiasis Man

Little boy, throwing tantrum in the street: Dad, my feet hurt. I can't walk anymore!
Dad: Yeah, well, my testicles hurt. Come on!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Colleen

Posted on January 18, 2010
Balls, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Parents, Times Square

Some Wednesday One-Liners to Make You Lose Your Appetite

Guy on cell: It's not like I take my ear wax, put it on my penis, and use it as lube.

–Queens

Overheard by: Jess

Friends on stoop: Bro, did you see that ass? I would lick the fart out that ass!

–19th & 6th

Middle-aged yuppie, about club in Las Vegas: And I said "here's our check, and if another pubic hair falls in our drink, you're in trouble!"

–Times Square

Overheard by: Scott

Boy in car to mom: Hey mom, what about anal leakage?

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Brenna

Guy to friend: She said she was stressed out studying for finals, I didn't realize that meant she hadn't been showering. As soon as I got there we started "hitting it". It was too late when I realized how dirty she was. Dude, I literally licked a layer of crust off her.

–3rd St b/w Ave A & B

Overheard by: saffrosun

Posted on January 13, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Ass, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Excretions, Farting & Burping, Friends, Guys, Hair, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Licking, Lube, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Penis, Queens, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Should've Used a Condom, Street, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Yuppies

10 Wednesdays I One-Liner About You

Extremely aggressive man, shouting and pointing at woman on cell: Do not! Ever! Refer to me as from fucking Baltimore! I fucking hate Baltimore!

–2nd Ave & 4th St

Female student, anxiously, to male friend: I don't know who they are, but I'm pretty sure I don't like 'em!

–Fordham University

Overheard by: eternal student

Flyer guy: Would you like to see a comedy..? Oh, it's you again! Why do you hate me?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Sara

Hobo to passers-by: Join the He-Man woman haters club! Free membership!

–Park Ave & 31st St

Little boy, pointing with disgust at picture of Jay Leno on hot drink sleeve: Is this George Washington? I hate him!

–Hot'n'Crusty, Upper West Side

Posted on January 13, 2010
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Flyer people, Fordham, Free stuff!, Friends, Gripes, History & Geography, Hobos, Idiots, Insults, Kids, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Strangers, Street, Students, Stupidity, Times Square, TV, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Wednesday Will Punch You Right in the One-Liners

Man: I got beat up a lot in high school. It made me a better person.

–College of Staten Island

Overheard by: Incredibly Amused

Little boy: You best lay the smackdown on that hoe!

–Times Square

Student: I don't get why everyone is making such a big deal about Chris Brown hitting Rihanna, it's not like he's the first man to ever hit a girl. Get over it, world!

–Manhattan College, Riverdale, The Bronx

Overheard by: Stephen

Girl on cell outside beauty salon: If I didn't have things to do tonight, I would totally just slap the crap out of that girl. Seriously.

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: maybe tomorrow, then?

Woman on cell: I went through this with my daughter this morning. (pause) Yeah, okay, you can hit me, but you can't hit anybody else.

–Cookshop Restaurant

Posted on January 6, 2010
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, College, Education, Family Ties, Gender issues, Girls, Kids, Men, Music, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Students, Stupidity, The Bronx, Threats, Times Square, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners, Approximately

Woman: Well, I still remember that 5,820 feet is a mile, 36 feet is a yard…

–Grand Central Station

Overheard by: People are wrong.

Girl, looking at guy: If I give you five dollars, will you grow a foot long?

–6 Train

Overheard by: Jeggy

5th-grader to table full of friends: Attention everyone. I have finally reached five feet!

–Cafeteria, Private School

Overheard by: Maddy

Guy on cell: Holy shit! Hello Kitty is taller than me!

–Times Square

Chubby 20-something guy, feeding chips to chubby 20-something girlfriend while making airplane and spaceship noises: The exhaust port is only two meters wide!

–1 Train

Posted on January 6, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Friends, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, Height, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Pop Culture, School, Science, Students, Stupidity, Times Square, Train Station, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women