Wednesday All-Your-2,000-Parts Liners

Very upset girl to no one in particular: But nobody would ever fuck my eyelashes!

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Boy to another: He said he had to go and get a colon autopsy!

–84th & 3rd

Overheard by: Laura

Woman to husband: And I swear, she only has half an eye!

–Times Square

Older dude in sweater vest: It was considered the Rolls Royce of organs.

–111th St & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ladle

Middle aged man walking his dog at night: She had a shamrock on her face and a shamrock on her butt.

–West End & 77th St

Girl to another: Are you going to be upset if he has short arms?

–University Place

Posted on July 7, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Body Parts, Boys, Cars and Driving, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Fast Times at New York High, Girls, Handicaps, Health and Hygiene, Men, Old People, One-liners, Queens, Questions, Sex, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Times Square, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners

Too Easy.

Promoter, stopping college girls: Hey, do you girls like comedy?
Girls: (silence)
Promoter: Where are you two from?
(they look at each other, don't say anything)
Promoter: Helloooo? Where are you from?
(no reply)
Promoter: Are you guys retarded?!
(they storm off)
Girl #1 to girl #2: God! Someone would never say that to us in LA!

–Times Square

Overheard by: just visiting

Posted on June 24, 2010
Girls, Insults, Only in New York, Retardation, Strangers, Theater & Dance, Times Square, Vendors & Street Performers

Wednesday One-Liners Sharpen Their Elbows

Tourist to boyfriend: Why are there so many humans here?

–Times Square

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, this n train is very crowded. There is a w train one minute behind this one with air conditioning, legroom, and color tv.

–N Train

Overheard by: Thinking about switching

Guy: Y'all can't crowd up here! I don't want to name any names, but there's a baby back there that just got stepped on.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Samantha Chastain

Girl walking up stairs, suddenly turning around: Oh, nuh-uh! Get your forehead out of my ass!

–F Train

Posted on June 23, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Body Parts, Boyfriends, Conductors, Girls, Guys, Names, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Public Transportation, Questions, Times Square, Tourists, TV, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

We're All a Few Paychecks Away from Being Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to friend: He's Indian! How can he be homeless?

–Union Square

Crazy Asian lady: I think everyone should experience jail and being homeless at least twice in life, so I need to go to jail again.

–Pinkberry, 32nd St

Suit, screaming: Why the fuck did I go to school? Look at these homeless people. They have a perfect life. Free samples at every corner. Apple Store is open 24/7, which means good shelter. Gahh!

–Union Square

Overheard by: hespeakstruth

Flamboyantly elegant gay guy to female friend: Would you rather lick this entire subway platform or have a homeless woman eat your pussy?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Katie

Posted on June 16, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Fag Hags, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Home, Sweet Home, Homeless, Insults, Licking, One-liners, Prison, Queer guys, Questions, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Street, Stupidity, Suits, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Some Girls Ask to Be Walked on

College girl: He's married and all, but he's really, really hot.
College boy: Isn't he like 50?
College girl: His feet are like size 14. I'm just saying.

–Times Square

Overheard by: soxie

Posted on June 14, 2010
Age/Aging, Beauty, Body Parts, Frat Boys, Height, Sorority Girls, Times Square

Psh, Let's Talk Quality Of Life!

Argumentative tour bus operator #1: Ghana is the best African country, man! The best!
Argumentative tour bus operator #2: Oh, yeah? What's your average life expectancy?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on June 12, 2010
Compare/Contrast, Coworkers, Global Geography, Health and Hygiene, Times Square

Not Right Now, Though

Guy, walking toward Broadway: You're the one that I want.
Girl, walking toward 7th Ave: You're the one that I want.
Both, as they continue to walk away: Oo oo oo, honey!

–Times Square

Overheard by: MissPinkKate

Posted on June 8, 2010
Girls, Guys, Love, Times Square, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners with a Reservoir Tip

Girl on cell: I don't need anything else. I've got 20 dollars, my phone, and a condom.

–11th & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Alex

Flamboyant boy on cell: Wait, where are you? What are you doing? Please tell me you'll wear a condom. (pause, then boy's face grows increasingly horrified) Several condoms.

–Dining Hall, NYU

Street vendor next to hot dog vendor: Get your Obama condoms! They go great with a pretzel!

–Times Square

Overheard by: not another tourist

15-year-old girl: Damn, nigga, I hope you flushed the condom, cuz they be using turkey basters for other shit now. They be taking the condom from the trash can and suck up the cum and put it in theyselves. I know, cuz I messed with a few niggaz who be telling me and I learn in sex ed!

–74 Bus, Staten Island

Posted on June 2, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Bus, Cell Phone, Condoms, Cum, Education, Girls, Kosher food, Money & Class, NYU, On Cell, On the Bus, Paranoia, President, Sex, Staten Island, STDs, Teens, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Go on Maury to Establish Paternity

Irritated tourist mother to baffled seven-year-old daughter: Your father is such a fuckin' dickwad! And let me tell you–he wasn't even inspired the night we made you.

–Times Square

Overheard by: tinyfoo

Guy on cell: I haven't talked to my dad in over three years, and this morning he friended me on Facebook.

–1st Ave & 89th Street

Overheard by: Citats

Guy on cell: Well, I wouldn't say I have the best relationship with my father, no. Umm… Well, for example, if he answers the phone when I call the house he says "Oh. Hey, failure."

–Union Square

Overheard by: Olivia

Woman on cell to friend: Uh-huh girl, I brought William to his donors' house and he didn't want to watch him. I said "William, William, say goodbye to your donor because he don't wanna watch you today."

–Bay Ridge, Brooklyn

Upper East Side girl at brunch with girlfriends: I need to find a new apartment because when I do the walk of shame I keep running into my dad.

–80th St & 2nd Ave

Posted on May 26, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Comebacks, Facebook, Family Ties, Friends, Friendship, Girls, Guys, Home, Sweet Home, Insults, Kids, Moms, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, One-liners, Relationships, Stupidity, Times Square, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

If One More Person Says That to Me Today…

Woman to cashier: Do you have a bathroom I could use?
Cashier: No, we don't have public bathrooms here.
Woman: It is harder to pee in New York than to see a gorilla doing the Watusi in Times Square at high noon.

–Times Square

Posted on May 24, 2010
Animals & Nature, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Offers and requests, Pee, Times Square, Women