Chick #1: Did I ever tell you about my friend's mom who had a baby in the toilet?
(awkward pause)
Chick #2: Now you're gonna tell it?
–Pomme Frite Restaurant
Chick #1: Did I ever tell you about my friend's mom who had a baby in the toilet?
(awkward pause)
Chick #2: Now you're gonna tell it?
–Pomme Frite Restaurant
Woman: Hola! Una wheatgrass con ginger… Por favor!
Latina girl behind counter: Excuse me? You wanted what, exactly?
Woman: Ummm… A wheatgrass shot with ginger?
Girl: You do realize we don’t have that, don’t you?
–Juicy Lucy’s, Avenue A
Overheard by: JKS
Teenage girl: Ohmigod. Doesn't she know that the "having big boobs" thing is, like, not in anymore?
–86th St
Overheard by: Kevin
Girl to another: It splashed on my boob… Then he slurped it off!
–Charles & 4th
Overheard by: Eric
20-something guy, singing: I wanna touch some boobs. I wanna touch some boobs. I wanna touch some boobs. I wanna find my motherfucking sock, 'cause I don't know where it is. I wanna touch some boobs…
–Pratt Institute
Angry hobo to college chick with big boobs zipping up her jacket: Don't put them titties away!
–5th & 21st
Elderly woman to husband: I keep my business in my bosom!
–Carnegie Deli
Ditzy college girl: Yeah, but I’m like a fun drunk, right?
Guy (serious): Ummm… Well, you were kind of saying that life has no meaning and that it’s not worth living.
Ditzy college girl: What?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Gaby
30-year-old #1: So we went out on Thursday, and he didn’t call me Friday or Saturday, which was good. Then he showed up at the party on Sunday and didn’t talk to me for the first 35 minutes. Yesterday, he left me a message telling me how nice the party was, and I haven’t called him back.
30-year-old #2: But you like him.
30-year-old #1: Yeah, I think it’s going well.
–12th & Broadway
Boy to girl: Does it look like my ass is eating my pants?
–Brooklyn Tech
Overheard by: Julie
Eight-year old girl: It’s not me, it’s the pants! It’s the pants!
–81st & Roosevelt Ave
Overheard by: Jobee
Woman on cell: No. No. Absolutely not. Look, would you please put some pants on?
–8th & Broadway
Cop to his cop friends: My buns don’t look good in these pants. But hey, what can you do? It’s part of the uniform.
–Times Square Shuttle Station
Overheard by: Heather
Girl on cell: Do you have to shit? Oh… So go in your pants!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Shira
Incredulous thug to friend: You drop your pants to hop the train?
–W. Houston & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Jon A.
Mother to screaming child: Please stop crying and put your coat on. I am not hurting you or torturing you, so please stop crying.
–4th Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: olivejuice
Father to kid who just started crying: Hey, stop! I thought I told you to wait until we got home!
–Park Slope, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Lucian
Guy to girl, on Valentine's Day: You look fat when you cry.
–Cobble Hill
Overheard by: MJB
Hispanic man on phone to girlfriend: Ma, why you cryin?! You should be breaking up with me because I hit you!
–Staten Island Ferry
Guy to girlfriend: I'm sorry I pulled your hair while you were crying.
–Bowery & 2nd
Straight guy: Shit! They’re closed. There’s no way I’ll be able to buy a dildo this late at night.
Guy walking by: Dude, in this city you can definitely find a dildo this late at night.
–13th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Jesse D
Yuppie screenwriter girl: So I was a very precocious child. Or whatever, y'know. And I just wanted to explore that dynamic a little bit? Basically it's a buddy picture between the little me and the big me.
–14th & 8th
Yuppie woman: And what do I say to that? "I have a smack habit, give me money"!
–St. Mark's Place
Yuppie man: If I hear "breast milk cupcakes" one more time…
–Outside Gotham Bar and Grill
Yuppie, thoughtfully: It's not the mustard, it's what the mustard represents!
–Food Emporium, 2nd Ave
Tourist backpacker with hands on subway doors: Do these open on their own?
–1 Train
Tourist mom to uncool son: Well, that's what you get for trying to be a hipster!
–Union Square Park
Overheard by: j
Tourist: Holy moly, look at that Olive Garden! It's huge! I wish I lived here!
(takes a picture of the restaurant)
–Times Square
Obese Midwestern woman to obese Midwestern man: Oooh, Applebee's… Now I feel at home here!
–Times Square
Southern tourist guy: I thought people in Greenwich Village would look stranger.
–Bleecker Street
Tourist from west coast, after observing the locals for a few innings: You know, Seinfeld makes so much more sense to me now.
–Cheap Seats, Coney Island Cyclones
Overheard by: Kevin Eliasen
