It’s All Fun and Games Until Someone Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to friend: So last night I hit myself in the eye with my broom while baking lasagna, drunk.

–Blarney Stone Pub

Suit on cell: Oh man, you should definitely ice and elevate that shit.

–AMC Lowes, 68th & Broadway

Overheard by: Jessica Segal

Man in wheelchair to woman pushing him: Remember when I hit that stroller head on and the kid passed out?

–33rd b/w 7th & 8th

Conductor on speaker: Please bring the first aid kit to car three, please bring the first aid kit to car three, a passenger has a bite.

–Train Leaving Penn Station

Teen to friend: And that’s how I got my penis stuck in a pencil sharpener.

–Stuyvesant High School

Posted on August 20, 2014
Accidents, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Battery Park, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Conductors, Disabilities, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Girls, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movie Theaters, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Penn Station, Retards & Handicaps, Stuyvesant, Suits, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Take the SocioPATH Train

Suit on cell: It's not that I don't like people, I just think that they're expendable.

–Union Square Cafe

20-something to visiting family: We are about to go up a bunch of stairs. If you complain, you will be pushed back down them.

–Mulberry & Canal

Laughing suit to others: So, yeah, I just stepped over the body.

–42nd St & 5th Ave

Mother to small crying child: Honey, I did listen to you, but I can't make myself care.

–V Train

Overheard by: Hunter

Posted on August 12, 2014
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Assholes, Compare/Contrast, Crying, Families, Kids, Laughter, Little Italy, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, On the Subway, Only in New York, Parents, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Stupidity, Suits, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners

Jersey Retaliated by Flipping a Giant Table at Them

Drunk guy, watching fireworks: Oh, man, they're bombing Jersey…
Girl: Thank god.

–West Side Highway

Posted on August 12, 2014
Drunks, Girls, God, Stupidity, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence

Wednesday One-Liners Love the Rear Naked Choke

Girl to another: And she went to get into her car. I was like "you'd better get out of here or I'm gonna fuck you up." And she was all slamming the door and stopping over to me. And I was all in her face and bitch-slapped her. Well, that last part might have been a dream. But then she got into her car and left.

–NY Central Library

Overheard by: amused

Woman on cell: Hi, Annie! How are you? (pause) I'm going to get my ass kicked by a very big black man.

–Park Slope

Suit on cell: If you don't stop hanging up on me, I will kick you in the throat.

–Times Square

Guy on cell, very loudly: Yeah, but, so nobody knows about it except me and the other guys in the fight club.

–21st St & Broadway

Overheard by: Alex

20-something girl: And then she chloroformed me. (pause) I said that too loud.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Russ

Posted on August 8, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Bitch-slap, Body Parts, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dreams, Girls, Guys, Kick, Library, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Penn Station, Race, Suits, Threats, Times Square, Train Station, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

NY: the Melting Pot

Russian Man: Don’t push.
Spanish Lady: This is the subway. What do you expect?
Russian Man: Well, you don’t have to push.
Spanish Lady: Welcome to New York City!
Russan Woman: Yeah, welcome to New York City.
Spanish Lady: You welcoming me? You’re the one with the accent!

–L Train

Posted on August 6, 2014
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Foreigners, On the Subway, Only in New York, Violence

There Are Other Reasons???

Indie Kid: I’m against gun control, but not because I wanna horde guns and kill niggers!

–Sin-e’

Posted on August 4, 2014
Guys, Union Square and East Village, Violence

It’s a Very Trenchcoat Hannukah

Old Lady: Those kids in Columbine used to bully kids themselves. I saw an interview with one. You think the parents didn’t know something was going on, the way they used to dress up like Hitler?
Black Nurse: Really?
Old Lady: One of them was half-Jewish, too!
Black Nurse: That don’t make sense.
Old Lady: They think they’re hot stuff. They don’t care.

–W Train

Posted on July 30, 2014
Black People, Judaism, Old People, On the Subway, Should've Used a Condom, Violence

They Grow Up So Fast

Asian Kid: The fucking Triads are on your tail, bitch. Run!
Hispanic Kid: Fuck that! The Latin Kings will pump lead into your asses.
Black Kid: Nah, the Bloods and Crips will beat you down.
Jewish Kid: Yo…Um…I’ll get my yarmulke peoples to smack you all, son. What now nigga spic chink bitch ho? Suck my matzoh balls, bitch!

–Canal Street

Overheard by: Jonathan Harris