Wednesday One-Liners Lay the Smack Down

Big guy on phone: … All I’m sayin’ is that’s wrong, man — you hit an ol’ woman, and you’re a boxer!

–151st & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Thin walls

Guy on cell: So, wait — you punched her or slapped her? In the face?! Oh. Ow… Yeah, that’s still not appropriate.

–N 6th St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: j

Angry guy on cell: This guy laid a fucking warrant on me for beating up crackheads!

–168th & Fort Washington Ave

Overheard by: RR

Five-year-old girl to seven-year-old brother: I’ll punch your Adam’s apple straight down your throat!

–Graham Ave bus station

Black girl on rising escalator, to friend: If he says anything to me, I’m gonna kick him in the ding-ding and then run!

–Broadway East station

Overheard by: Subwaysurfer

Posted on September 22, 2014
Anger Management, Balls, Bitch-slap, Black People, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Bus, Crime and Punishment, Default, Elevators, Etiquette, Fighting and ass kicking, Girls, Guys, Handicaps, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kick, Lower East Side, On Cell, On the Bus, Punch, Sisters, Street, Violence

Elsewhere: Wednesday One-liners

Teen boy: “Romanian”? What’s that, Italian?

–N train

Posted on September 21, 2014
Anger Management, Animals & Nature, At the Airport, Brooklyn, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Crazies, Drugs, Fordham, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hipsters, History & Geography, Lower East Side, Man's Best Friend, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYU, On the Subway, One-liners, Queens, Queers, Religion, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, Teens, The Bronx, The Village, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, We Love Our Pets

Thinly-Veiled Racism Is Certainly the Way to My Heart

Guy to girl, seeing large group of black guys ahead: Uh…let's cross the street.
Girl: You're afraid!
Guy: No, it's just that if they wanted to give us trouble, I don't know if I could hold them off while you ran.
Girl: You're cute.

–123rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Playing it safe.

Posted on September 16, 2014
Fears, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Race, Street, Violence

Please Remain on the Line. Your Wednesday One-Liner Is Important to Us.

Usher: I will tell you once again: do not use your cell phone! I know how to wrestle!

–Theatre

Man: What kind of faggot has a 551 number?

–Cooper Union, Astor Place

Overheard by: a friend of mine does

Drunk Long Island girl: I don't know! I guess my phone was on lock or unlock or whatever, but my boobs must have called you!

–W 10th St

Overheard by: max

Blonde NYU ditz, looking at BlackBerry: Wait… what area code is 718? That's like really far away, right?

–Sullivan & Bleecker

Overheard by: i actually laughed at her

Conductor: This is the train to Ronkonkoma, also known as "ko, hip hip hey and away we go." When using cell phones, please, keep it quiet, 'cause no one really wants to know what you're talkin' about.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Goober

Posted on September 11, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cell Phone, Clerks, Conductors, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Girls, Insults, Men, Names, NYC Geography, One-liners, Public Transportation, Questions, Rack, Sorority Girls, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Theater, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Pop Quiz: Which One Was Raised by a Monkey?

Old lady when boy gives up his seat: What a nice boy! Thank you!
Boy #1: Well, my mom raised me well. It was the belt — she only had to use it once, and then I just knew, you know?
Chick: Ohhh, yeah, for me it was a wooden spoon.
Boy #2: Oranges. She used to throw oranges at my face.

–2/3 train

Overheard by: Katie Koeblitz

Posted on September 3, 2014
Kids, Old People, On the Subway, Violence

Wednesday One-liners Are Dead

Guy: Yeah, well, he’s a big fan of the cadaver tissue.

–Washington Heights

Lady on cell: My god he killed everyone last night. He first sat on her then started to beat on her. Then she got up and started beating on him.

–West Broadway & Chambers

Fat Hispanic woman: I don’t know, I just haven’t been using my gun lately.

–Fort Greene

Posted on September 2, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Crime and Punishment, Death, Medicine, Shoot, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Well, Nobody’s Perfect

Teacher: Who remembers Some Like It Hot?
Student: Isn’t that the one where in the end they’re all on a boat and it blows up?

–Cinema Studies class, NYU

Overheard by: Andrew Jacobs

Posted on August 26, 2014
Education, Idiots, Movies, NYU, Students, Teachers/Professors, Violence

…And I'm Only Mostly a Bitch.

Too-hot-to-trot mother: Yo, stop hitting me with that thing.
Bad-ass eight-year-old son: Ahhh… Shut up, you bald-headed bitch!
Too-hot-to-trot mother: Yo, shut up! My head ain't bald!

–125th & Lexington

Overheard by: wish i could beat other people's kids