A Smorgashboard Of Wednesday One-Liners

Woman to man: I know! I don't fry anything. I don't even fry my food anymore.

–47th & 6th

Overheard by: A very disturbed Newsbunny

Old Jewish woman to husband holding restaurant leftovers: It's a sin to waste that food. You could send it to Israel!

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: What a waste!

Preppy guy: At least *I'm* not the one molesting fictional cereal pitchmen.

–Park Slope, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ladle

Girl on cell, talking loudly: I don't know what I want, but whatever I want, I want French fries with it.

–John St

Preppy girl on cell: Do they study eggs? (pause) Eggs! (pause) Do they study eggs?

–Times Square

Female new student to boyfriend: You have to stop with this whole burrito-is-a-dick thing.

–6th Ave & 13th St

Overheard by: Catie

Posted on July 29, 2021
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boyfriends, Couples, Ethnic Food, Food, Girls, Harassment, Insults, Jews, Judaism, Junk Food & Fast Food, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Penis, Preppies, Questions, School and studying, Students, The Village, Times Square, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Are Wednesday One-Liners Funny Ha-Ha, or Funny-Peculiar?

Guy eating pancakes: Everything's funny in retrospect, like the time I got that screwdriver stuck in my eye.

–IHOP, Brooklyn

Ancient Greek civilization professor: A sexual act, in some sense, for an observer is funny.

–Hunter College

Crazy lady: All the prostitutes need to be rounded up and stuck in churches! (teen girl laughs) You think that's funny? It's not gonna be funny when you are in a hospital addicted to crack!

–Water St & Broad St

Girl to her friend: Wouldn't it be funny if human beings could only walk forward and backwards?

–8th St & 2nd Ave

Lady sitting with girlfriends: It's funny because I'm pregnant, and he doesn't know.

–Starbucks

Drunken Jets fan to friends in Jets jerseys: That's not funny. You want to see something funny? (grabs wooden signpost, slams forehead into it) That's funny!

–W 4th & Barrow

Overheard by: jira monkey

Posted on July 19, 2021
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Assholes, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Church, Crazies, Drunks, Friends, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Hard Drugs, Health and Hygiene, Hunter, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Prostitution, Sex, Starbucks, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Violence, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

But I’m Not Sure I See the Comparison to the Fall of Rome

Trendy teen girl #1: You know, it’s like a fat girl who has a really pretty face…
Trendy teen girl #2: Oh my god, I hate that!

–Tribeca

Posted on July 15, 2021
Beauty, Biotechs, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Wow, “Long Island” and “Better” in One Discussion

Suit #1: How long have you lived here?
Suit #2: How old are you? Probably longer than you have been alive.
Suit #1: Born and raised in New York, huh?
Suit #2: No, a farm in PA. Got the fuck out of there, though. Met a girl from New York–well actually, Long Island–married her and moved out here. Thought she had money. Yeah…fooled the shit out of me.
Suit #3: Ha, you were that close to being better than all of us.

–Wall & Water

Posted on July 3, 2021
Manhattan, Marriage, Money & Class, People, Places, Sex & Relationships, Suits, Travel, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Wednesday One-liners Lunch Hour

Teen boy: Yo, I got the munchies, B…Yo, what happened to the guys with candy and shit? Shit was mad convenient.

–1 train

Overheard by: I. J. Meyers

Posted on June 17, 2021
Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dating, Elevators, Fashion, Food, Health and Hygiene, Junk Food & Fast Food, Latinos, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Retail Therapy, Sex & Relationships, Smokers & Smoking, Stupidity, Teens, The Village, Times Square, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Name The Punchline

Girl: I’m, like, the token one. I’m the only lesbo there!

–West 4th and 6th Ave

Overheard by: Jamie

Posted on May 30, 2021
Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Gripes, Lesbians, The Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

How Jake Met His Second Wife

Guy: Today’s my anniversary!
Lady suit: Congratulations!
Guy: I’ve been divorced 28 years today. Bitch drove me crazy.
Lady suit: Oh.

–City Hall

Posted on May 23, 2021
Breaking Up, Compare/Contrast, Default, Guys, Suits, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners for Celebretards

Young black guy to another: You know, Obama is to politics what Richard Simmons is to exercise.

–PATH Train

Guy standing outside bar: And she was like, "What, like Gary Coleman?" and I'm like, "No, not like fucking Gary Coleman!"

–4th & 10th

Girl to boyfriend: Well, Tom Green only had one testicle. It's totally fine.

–E 11th St

Overheard by: j

Suit on cell: And I was like, "Fuck you, Ryan Cabrera"!

–Bedford & 6th St

Black girl on cell: I told you, we're like the Paris Hiltons of Liberia.

–Borders, Wall St

Overheard by: step

Guy (after taking picture with Jeremy Piven): Damn! I can't put this on MySpace. I'm wearing the same shirt I wore when I met Chazz Palminteri!

–Outside Barrymore Theatre

Overheard by: Pasta…Salad

Posted on May 13, 2021
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Balls, Black People, Boyfriends, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Gossip, Guys, Insults, Movies, Music, Myspace, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Politics, Race, Sports, Store, Suits, Theater, Trains Not Subway, TV, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, West Village

Just Looks Like a Coffee Cup on My Desk

Non-smoker to guy offering smokes: No, thanks — I’m trying to quit.
Smoker: What do you do about the cravings?
Non-smoker: Well, when I get a craving I just dip instead.

–Wall St

Overheard by: dakota

Posted on April 5, 2021
Health and Hygiene, Smokers & Smoking, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Home Is Where You Hang Your Wednesday One-Liners

Saleswoman to customer on busy day: Some days you really should just stay at home. You’re cranky.

–Macy’s, Herald Square

Loud black lady on cell: Mothafuckah, I ain’t no one-night stand. If you think you can fuckin’ call me at 10:30 to 11:00 at night and fuckin’ pull me out of my home with my kids, then you must think I’m some other… [whispers] bitch.

–Mail room, Financial District

Woman on cell: Good, that way she won’t be able to beat on anyone else’s house guests! Let her sit at home and beat on her own house guests!

–M14 bus

Overheard by: Eyeteeth

Conductor: Jessica! Jessica! Girl, you on this train. Jessica Elizabeth! I’m taking you home, girl.

–6 train

Overheard by: fridaholic

Posted on March 23, 2021
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Black People, Conductors, Gossip, Gripes, Home, Sweet Home, Insults, Names, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Sex, Store, Vendors & Street Performers, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women

Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport