Girl: What is all that screaming ahead?
Guy: Maybe they are doing a reenactment of September 11th.
–Ground Zero
Overheard by: A A F
Tourist woman: Where is the World Trade Center?
New Yorker guy: You missed it.
–Chambers and W. Broadway
Overheard by: tom brigham
Teen thug: You know, if you put’em on hot they dry faster. On hot the clothes dry faster.
–Kingsland Ave & Jackson Ave., Willamsburg
Overheard by: confabulation nation
Hipster on cell: She thinks the entire world revolves around her. What is she, the sun?
–Union Square
Would-be physicist: Did you ever hear of magnetic repulsion? Because I swear to god that door has an eastern pole or something.
–Walgreens Drugstore, Union Square
Overheard by: kbot
Guy: So, you’ve dissected cats before?
–Lafayette & Centre St
Overheard by: Janelle
Loud chick: So I was looking on the Internet to learn more about our planet and biodiversity and shit, and there’s like five more extinctions supposed to happen! You know, like the dinosaurs and shit!
–Ray’s Pizza, E Houston
Overheard by: just visiting!
Soccer mom: He has had some really hard social studies stuff… Like why the seasons change and the how the earth moves around the sun.
–Warren Fields, Murray & West Side Highway
Overheard by: Soccer Nanny
Woman: I told him I wasn't opposed to dinner just because he's had a vasectomy.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Meister
Preppy guy: They took cartilage out of his ear and put it in my nose.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Ladle
UES woman: I'm going to get my nails done, then get a colonoscopy in Queens.
–89th and Park
Overheard by: AeC and jRw
Woman on phone: Well, of course I got it removed
*(pause)
Woman: It hurt like hell.
–Elevator in the Hudson Hotel
Guy on phone, Nnoz done: Hts okay – it's just routine anal surgery!
–Astor Place
Overheard by: Tam
Chick to friend, standing silently for several minutes: You know, there really isn’t that much to see here.
–Ground Zero
Woman on cell: What about the Christmas cards with the twin towers surrounded by flowers? … Yeah. Kinda grim, huh?
–Barnes & Noble, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Karyn Regal
Wannabe-hardcore bimbette: So, this is where it all went down, huh? Where the shit hit the fan…
–PATH station, WTC
Overheard by: WesTexMike
Tourist man to MTA lady: I want to go to that World Trade Center thing.
–14th St station
Tourist: Is this nine-eleven?
–Ground Zero
Overheard by: duplicity
20-something guy on BlackBerry: No, he's not gay. I was in a fivesome with him, but he's not gay.
–L Train
Girl to gay friend after walking into gay bar: Dude, either find me a straight boy or two Asians that will let me watch.
–NYC
Girl to guy friends: I mean, he's okay he had the threesome–the guy was his best friend!
–8th St & 5th Ave
Angry woman on phone: While you're out having orgies I am doing the real work!
–Victorian Flatbush
Pretentious professor type in academic tone: My ex had unrealistic fantasies. She used to dream about being fucked by God and Satan and the same time. How could I live up to that?
–NYU
Guy to friend: Yeah, Eric's an asshole, but he's like… my asshole.
–11th & Broadway
Overheard by: Z
Man on cell: I enjoy sucking the wind out of assholes.
–Brooklyn Public House
Overheard by: In fairness, the conversation was about verbal bullies
Girl: Wow, my asshole has just been all sorts of evil all day, I shat in four different bathrooms on this floor and the one up, so I wouldn't suffer alone. I shared its wrath. Is that wrong?
–Office, Midtown
Loud dude: My asshole is really fucking itchy!
–Bronx High School of Science
Overheard by: urbanadventurer
Crazy hobo: Attention everyone! You're all assholes! Stupid assholes!!
–Park Row, near Brooklyn Bridge
Overheard by: Hollister
Dad to two little kids: Hurry. Hurry! Daddy just crapped himself!
–27th & 7th
Man on cell: Yeah, at that point it was just one stool sample too many…
–In front of Brooklyn Academy of Music
Overheard by: TMI
College dude to girlfriend in loud whisper: I took such a good shit today. [Girlfriend smiles and kisses him.]
–PATH station, 14th St
Overheard by: Abby
Girl: So I woke up the next morning, looked over, and there was a human shit a foot away from my head.
–Purity Diner, Park Slope
Guy: That Mary Poppins… she’s a spoonful of shit!
–Times Square
Suit in sunglasses: This entire platform smells like a hitherto unknown species of ass.
–D train platform, 34th St
Aging hipster on cell: At worst, you emit a general smell. If people notice it, I don’t think they associate it with you.
–Worth St & W Broadway
Loud woman: Yo, where you at? I can smell your breath, but I can’t see your face!
–Shoe store
Drunk chick in room of females: It smells like penis in here.
–Pi2 Lounge, W 12th & Surf Ave
Overheard by: Ioulia Fedorova
Teen on cell: Dude, they kicked me off campus! Because they said I smelled like I was high. I mean, I am a little high, but I don’t smell like it!
–Stuyvesant High
Fat man: Why didn’t anyone call Patty* and tell her that her breath stinks?
–Victory Hospital
Overheard by: Suquaia
Guy, smelling girl’s armpit: Man, that’s brutal! But I kinda like it…
–NYU
Brunette woman yelling on cell: Look, I'm 24 fucking years old. If I want to suck dick all day, that's my business!
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Blank Slater
Girl on cell: First you go, "accckkk… accckkkk" (makes choking sounds) Then you have a mouth fulla cum!
–Madison Ave
Overheard by: I.R.
50-something woman, screaming into cell: Listen, asshole, I'm not some cheap slut you can call whenever you need someone to suck you off, I have a job!
–Penn Station Taxi Line
Black man in phone booth: You better suck that juicy white cock, and get me that perfume, bitch!
–7th Ave & 35th St
A chick pushing an old woman in a wheelchair says: Just let me know when you get tired of walking.
–59th & 3rd
Overheard by: Christopher
Queer: I can’t believe she said I was a liar. Sure I make random stuff up, but I’m not a liar.
–West 4th & broadway
Overheard by: MrRobinson
Hobo: All right fine, you win, I guess I do wish they were shitty pilots.
–6th Avenue & 9th Street
