Killing Me Softly with His Wednesday One-Liner

Excited man on cell: Hey! Did you hear who died? Amanda's pretend husband died!

–N Train

Overheard by: Tophs

20-something woman to friend: Well, I wanna kill her and she wants to kill me, 'cause I took her husband.

–R Train

Overheard by: Tara

20-something hipster girl: I am a nihilist! Watch me die.

–Waverly & Mercer

Asian guy to white girl: All children are born evil. If they had the strength of an adult during childhood, they would kill someone just to get a lollipop.

–Queens College

Woman on cell: Okay! I get it. She's not a good person. Just kill her.

–Canal St & Laffaette St

Overheard by: Kay

Conductor: You're all gonna die! I'm your worst nightmare! Ahahahaha!

–C Train

Overheard by: P-Diddy

Posted on February 25, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Conductors, Death, Food, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Infidelity, Kids, Marriage, Men, Murder, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Public Transportation, Queens, Queens College, Soho, Stupidity, Threats, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Grow Up Faster in the City

Little girl to woman walking by: Oh, look–another person, sooooo interesting. It's not like we haven't seen enough of those today.

–D'Agnostino's, Greenwich & Barrow

Overheard by: Margo

Boy walking in church to mom: And when we walk in we'll hear Gregorian chants.

–Trinity Church

Four-year-old boy, after plane's smooth landing: Whoa, that was solid!

–JFK Airport

Overheard by: jen

Kid at birthday party: I thought they were feeding us ice cream, not shit!

–McDonald's, Bayside

Adorable child having a temper tantrum: I don't want to walk, I want to go in the stroller!
(mother ignores him) I'm melting… I'm meeelllting!

–New York Transit Museum

Overheard by: NatalyaPetrovna

Posted on February 25, 2009
Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Church, Compare/Contrast, Food, Glad the Condom Broke, JFK Airport, Kids, Moms, More museums, One-liners, Restaurants & Cafes, Should've Used a Condom, Singing, The Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Yet You Won't Even Obey the White Man When It's Time to Cross the Street?

White woman with two kids: Oh my god! Look! These lollipops are designed to look like the faces of little white children!
Asian woman: Yeah–they're made of molded chocolate.
White woman: I love Asian grocery stores!
White woman's kid: Mommy, mommy! Can I have it? I want to eat the white child!

–New Kam Man, Canal St

Overheard by: office peon can be wary of white people

Posted on February 24, 2009
Asians, Body Parts, Chinatown, Compare/Contrast, Ethnic Food, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Race, Should've Used a Condom, White People, Wishes & desires, Women

Well, Regardless, I Made Him Return Her.

French lady #1: So then he bought me some flowers. This was right before I found out he bought a prostitute.
French lady #2: Oh…how long ago was that?

–Macy's

Posted on February 24, 2009
Foreigners, Gifts, Prostitution, Store, Time, Women

FCC Finally Regulates Overheard

Man walking against traffic: Beep! Beep! Beep!
Older black woman: Beep beep, my behind!

–6 Train

Headline by: Trey Jackson

Runners-Up:
· “At Long Last, Someone Correctly Answers David’s Mating Call” – cultural anthropologist
· “Discovered: Where Beyonce Gets Her Lyrics From” – Joel Moore
· “Is That an Insult or an Invitation?” – alan b hutscar
· “Now, If This Had Been on HBO, the Beeps Would Have Been Words…” – beep!
· “Will.i.am, Writing In Notepad: “Genius!”” – James
· “Yeah, Our Line Of Novelty Horns Is Doing Quite Well” – mk

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on February 23, 2009
Black People, Comebacks, Headline Contest Winners, Insults, Men, Old People, On the Subway, Weirdness, Women

Our Weekly Games Of Human Tetris Are Quite Enough for Me

Older guy: Come on, just once?
Older lady: No, I'm not role playing anything with you.

–The Nintendo Store

Overheard by: Duckjerky

Posted on February 23, 2009
Guys, Offers and requests, Old People, Store, Video Games, Women

Also What the Pharaoh's Daughter Said When She Found Moses in That Basket

Petite Asian woman looking for object in her purse: It sort of looks like…
Tall male companion: A vibrator.

–Metropolitan Opera House

Overheard by: Trying not to do a double-take

Posted on February 23, 2009
Asians, Compare/Contrast, Dildos and Vibrators, Men, Theater, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Women

If Woody Allen Were a Hobo

Lady: How are you doing tonight?
Hobo: I'm miserable. You know I'm homeless?

–54th St & Lexington Ave

Overheard by: Seth

Posted on February 22, 2009
Comebacks, Hobos, Homeless, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Women

Not the Fitted Kind, Either, Like a Slut

Woman on date: So tell me about your trip through Asia.
Man on date: Um… Yeah, so after dinner, do you want to go to K-Mart so I can watch you buy sheets? Because it would really turn me on if I could watch you buy sheets.

–East Village

Posted on February 21, 2009
Dating, Horny, Men, Offers and requests, Shopping, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Women

If You Keep Me from My After-Work Drinking, the Terrorists Win

Woman #1, after train stops: Why aren't we moving?
Woman #2, leaning out of train doors: Some lady apparently saw something, so she said something.
Woman #1: Christ, you don't do that in the evening, you do that in the morning. She should know better!

–A Train

Overheard by: oneofmanymikes

Posted on February 20, 2009
On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Time, Women

Women