Guy: Yeah, they say that now in France they’re banning Muslim women from wearing overalls.
–Hunter College
Overheard by: H. Chan
Black woman on cell: …and then she says to me “I like that song!” and I go, “Yeah, well I like fish and avocado peels.”
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Fernando Taveras
Guy: If you was dead, then you’d know what I’m talkin’ ’bout.
–J train
Suit: Did they tip their 45s to their homies?
–Park Avenue
Overheard by: SuperVixen
Suit on phone: 500 milligrams? That's nothing. First, you need to start looking at the definition of possession…
–Broadway & Reade
Suit to little son: I need to teach you the difference between "homos" and "hobos." You'll understand easily, (giggles) …not much of a difference.
–Doctor's Office, Carrol Gardens
Suit on phone, snickering: Your posts are turd sandwiches!
–4th Ave & 13th St
Overheard by: ris
Suit on cell: I say go for it. You're rich, she's hungry. What could be more perfect?
–47th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Adrienne
Conductor: We will soon arrive in Penn Station, the happiest place on Earth. Penn Station is next.
–LIRR
Overheard by: MineolaBoy
Boyfriend to girlfriend: Let’s go be happy in front of miserable people!
–49th & 8th
Overheard by: Ashley
Hot chick on cell to girlfriend: I am really happy that she is now dating Greg… I am over him… But I am cuter than her!
–X28 Express Bus to Bensonhurst, Brooklyn
Overheard by: PDG
Middle-aged woman: Listen, I don’t need no husband. You see how happy I am? It’s because I have two cats and a vegetable crisper. I don’t need no freakin’ husband!
–Hair salon, East Village
Overheard by: edensnake
Security guard frowning at metal detector: This is my happy face.
–Empire State Building
Overheard by: rage gage
Rotund black woman, to no one in particular: I like a hood nigga,. I like a nigga to dick me in the butt while I’m smoking a blunt.
–West Village
Loud Jamaican man yelling to friend: When I stick my penis up your butt, there ain’t no turnin’ back! You’re gonna have hemorrhoids!
–25th & 7th
Overheard by: Becka
Dude: … And then she wouldn’t even shake my hand. I mean, I’ve had my dick in your ass, and you won’t even shake my hand? What kind of shit is that?
–F train
Tween to friends: I told him, ‘If it don’t fit in my mouth, it won’t fit in my butt.’
–Bx9 bus, Kingsbridge Terrace
Overheard by: Krisztina
Angry student: He fucked me in the ass, okay? In the ass!
–NYU
Ghetto college kid: God put me on this Earth to make sure every woman cums!
–Brooklyn-bound B train
Overheard by: Not coming
Man to friend: Being a vet involves more than just having orgasms at animal shows with puppies.
–10th & 3rd
Overheard by: Becky
Queer on cell: Yeah, so, I’m on my computer surfing the Internet last night and my roommate walks over and just cums in my face… Yeah, no, it was totally random.
–14th & 6th
Chick on cell: If I cum while eating, you can bet you’ll get a text!
–Harlem
Overheard by: Hott Bi Luvr
Senile lady with cane, to no one: All you girls think about is orgasms.
–15th & 5th
Overheard by: Morgan
Professor, pointing at student: … And we all know that Kyle* gets off on electronic media.
–NYU
Geek: Every time Darwin mentions the natural economy, I orgasm.
–Columbia University
Guy: Man, I don’t have any money… I wish I was a prostitute.
–Jackson Heights
Overheard by: Kay
Man on cell: She ain’t gettin’ it. I’ll tell you what we’re going to do — we’re going to fire all the women. The one time a month we need ’em, we’ll hire hookers.
–Washington Square Park
Man on cell: Don’t call her a prostitute! That’s my mom you’re talking about. You lived with her — was she a prostitute then? No, she was not!
–92nd & 1st
Overheard by: Jessie’s Girl
Suit: So have you considered prostitution? I’m not saying you should do it, but have you thought about it?
–N train
Hipster: She was movie hooker! You hardly ever see a movie hooker in real life!
–Central Park
Overheard by: wondering what they were talking about
JAP on cell: Fulton Street is big! Not as big as your appetite for hookers, but big enough!
–Broadway & Nassau
Overheard by: nbtd
Guy to friends at table: My dad owns a crackwhore house, and he wonders why his electric bills are so high!
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Overheard by: Genna and Elaina
Chick: You have the responsibility of perming your own dog.
–Ellis Island Ferry
Dude: … So the guy says, ‘They always think they want their dog stuffed, but they really don’t,’ and that’s why he makes you pay in advance.
–Duff’s, Williamsburg
Overheard by: LP
JAP: I think when I get back I want to get a dog… And then maybe one of my parents could be my intern. — like, take care of the dog and stuff. I don’t understand why that is such a ridiculous suggestion. I mean, it’s not like they’re doing anything of interest.
–6 train, 42nd St
Overheard by: Adrienne
Little girl chasing pigeon: Bye-bye, doggie!
–DeSalvio Park playground, Spring & Mulberry
Overheard by: jharris
Cashier to customer: Have a good night and enjoy your… dog food.
–Animal Crackers, E 2nd St
Overheard by: Sara
Little girl to father: Daddy, can we eat the dog food?
–Whole Foods, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Yum yum gimme some
Woman playing with touchable exhibits, to friend: You know, we never used riding crops until our wedding night.
–Museum of Sex
Hot chick on cell: I just made a first date for tonight… Fifteen minutes later I remember the hickeys I have on my neck. [Long pause, then] That said, it’s a date with a guy I met while I was wearing a collar, so maybe bite marks are, like, expected of me.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: McFreaky
Chick on cell: How can I be a submissive if we’re listening to the Eurythmics?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Ladle
Hot chick on cell: My only problem is randomly spanking strange women.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Drunk girl to drunk guy: So, after our conversation last night, I Googled ‘circle jerk.’ Is that something you guys do often?
–The Hairy Monk, 27th & 3rd
Teen scene girl: And that's a whole fucking different story! You always said you wanted to die having a heart attack in a car!
–57th & 3rd
Overheard by: Duluthian
Guy in line: I haven't had a corn dog since Jim Belushi died.
–Nathan's, Coney Island
Creepy guy on cell: Hey. Did you hear about the Craigslist killer? Yeah, isn't that a great idea?
–Penn Station
20-something irritated man on cell: Dude, stop freaking out! They're probably not going to do the autopsy for another three days.
–8th Ave & 15th St
Conductor: Please, no one cross cars, if the train makes a turn you will fall through, get crushed and die, thank you and have a lovely evening. Oh, and it's lovely to be alive.
–Amtrak Train to Penn Station
Overheard by: Paige
Young woman on cell: So I said to him, are you going to listen to Barbra Streisand forever?
–Christopher & Bleecker
Overheard by: Korky
20-something girl: I'm a teenager! I collect pogs and say "suck it," and listen to Kriss Kross!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Claire H.
Guy: Man, these guys are like The Beatles of my generation.
–In Line for Cypress Hill Show, Nokia Theatre
Burly MTA contractor: I mean imagine if it was a dude singing "I kissed a guy and I liked it."
–Chambers St Subway Station
Overheard by: sarah
Trendy girl: I can't believe they charge $1.29 for a song now. What song is worth $1.29?!? Well, I guess "Don't Stop Believing" and "We Are the Champions"… basically any Queen song.
–Coldstone Creamery, Astor Place
Overheard by: Any Britney Song
20-something girl to 20-something boyfriend: Don't dress up like Elton John because I want you to. Dress up like Elton John because you want to.
–Halloween Shop, 11th St & Broadway
