Queer: I am going to learn Aramaic so Jesus can understand me.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Lynn Casey
Queer: I am going to learn Aramaic so Jesus can understand me.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Lynn Casey
Conductor: Hey, clear the closing doors, bitch.
–8th St
Chick on cell: So, how did your date go? Did she call the police on you this week? … Did she have you escorted out of her building this week? … No? Then why did you call me? You just wanted to tell me that? … Oh, you had a big fight? Was it because she’s a crazy bitch?
–225th & Broadway
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Eight-year-old boy to younger kid: If we were in prison you’d be my bitch!
–Hudson & Christopher
Overheard by: Talia
Black man: Went out, got that bitch some food. Bitch was hungry. Got her some food, took her out back, and she sucked my dick. Licked my balls. She’s only 21. Gonna marry that bitch.
–34th & 8th
Guy to buddy: No, it actually sucks because she’s a selfish bitch. She switched our cell phones because mine vibrates better… So she can get off in her cube.
–Hershey store, Times Square
Dude on cell: Well… Well, there’s groups of bitches. There’s, like, a group of bitches here… and a group of bitches there.
–Outside bar, 32nd & 4th, Brooklyn
Overheard by: A Lone Bitch
Guy in full yellow suit with matching hat: I don’t get this girl. You know what I’m saying, ’cause you know I’m the nicest nigga to a bitch.
–Waiting for the L, Union Square
Guy: I had to yell at her and tell her that she couldn’t be pregnant — I mean, dude, that was last week.
–St. Marks & 3rd Ave
Preggers to male friend: And that asshole came up and body-slammed me on the train platform! Of course, everyone was looking at me like I’m the animal. How can you body-slam a woman who’s seven months pregnant and not feel bad?
–D train
Overheard by: Jannine Ramlochan
Preggers to lady pushing to get to cupcake table: Lady, I am four months pregnant. Getting between me and those cupcakes is a really, really good way to lose an arm.
–Magnolia Bakery
Snotty actress: Oh my gosh, she is such a good writer for my acting type. Her script is so like, like — pregnant with promise.
–14th & Broadway
Overheard by: Emilia
Girl on phone: No, I can’t have sex with you. Because then if I got pregnant I’d have to be like, ‘Whose baby is it? Well, let’s see — is it black, white, brown…?’
–Grand Central Station
British mother to young son: Do you know what I had to eat when I was pregnant with you, Bill? Buns! Buns! Buns! Buns! That’s why you’re mad about buns. [To daughter] And that’s why you like brown things.
–Varick & King St
Young woman to friends: And she keeps getting pregnant, and I’m like, ‘Stop it, woman!’
–Columbia campus
Overheard by: Cheney
Girl to friend: Whenever I get a really big booger, I feed it to the dog.
–Apartment Building, Midtown
Girl: And the doctor asked if she'd gone down on anyone lately, and she said "yeah, and when I was doing it, all these little bumps kept falling off in my mouth," and the doctor said "you have genital warts in your throat."
–L Train
Overheard by: atrain
Man on cell: And he opened a can of worms, ate the whole thing and then spit it all into his friend's mouth. We were dry heaving. But everyone just looked at us weird.
–1st & 15th
Overheard by: Angela
Preteen boy on cell: (belches) Huh? (belches again, loudly) What did you say? I can't hear you, I'm burping.
–77th & 2nd
Girl to friend: My dad would say, "don't send her chocolate, it makes mucus."
–W 24th St & 10th Ave
Overheard by: Fred Daubert
Radiology nurse: I have been asked out before. But never while giving a barium enema!
–Radiology Medical Office, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Paper
Doctor on cell: I have to get oriented as to the location of those cadavers!
–3rd Ave, Near Cabrini Medical Center
Older doctor to younger doctor in a group: You actually tried to get a dermatology consultant to come in the middle of the night? That was pretty dumb. You know those guys wouldn't get out of their Shea butter body wraps unless the world was ending.
–Kings County Emergency Room
Suit to lady friend: If you really wanted to smoke crack you'd go to the hospital!
–Nassau St & Ann St
Overweight girl to female friend: Wanna play gynecologist?
–St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: Sarah Booz
Girl on cell: No, no, I’m not anywhere near there…No, I’m in Manhattan City, visiting a school.
–NYU Bookstore, Washington Place
Overheard by: Meghan
Conductor (after a few minutes waiting at signal): One of those trains better hurry it up and move it, I have better things to do.
–N Train
Conductor: Across the platform is an express 3 train. The doors are open, you can make it. Go for it! Go! Catch that train! (after a few stops) There is an express 2 train across the platform. You will make it. You will not miss it. You will make it.
–1 Train
Overheard by: motivated
Cheerful conductor: Welcome to the station formerly known as Prince!
–R Train
Conductor: We are now arriving at Grand Central. This is our final stop. We're six minutes early, so now you can't say anything bad about us.
–Metro North Train
Overheard by: Angela
Conductor: That is a 1 train and all trains are running express. Another local won't run til 5 am Monday. You can wait but we don't serve dinner or breakfast, and I'm all out of sleeping bags.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Steve
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, the train's emergency brakes have been activated for some reason. The train operator is going to walk around the train and check if there's a…body, or something, under the train. After that, we'll be able to move!
–C Train
Overheard by: Patient Passenger
Train conductor: Last call for the 10:00 local…last call! Get on the train cause away we go, and it's 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…blastoff!
–Metro North
Overheard by: to mount kisco, and BEYOND!
Queer: I haven’t pooped in two days and I work at The Gap.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Jason
Businessguy: It’s a small world.
Businesschick: Especially in Astoria!
Businessguy: Ha, ha, ha!
Businesschick: Hee, hee.
–Midtown office
Hipster girl: I’d rather face the stigma of buying feminine hygiene products than face the stigma of having a stinky hoo-ha.
–13th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: agreed
Girl: Remember Diana? Stinky Diana? She’s back, and she’s getting married.
–West 47th & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Peter G
Chick: If I’m going to play beer pong, I need to be fragrant.
–Sammy’s, 11th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: McF
Little boy to dad: I don’t want to go to Africa! I don’t want to smell the camels!
–5th Ave & Park Pl, Park Slope
Voice on intercom: The Children’s Section is closed due to… that smell.
–NY Public Library, East 96th St
Overheard by: Diane
Chick: So, did you smell your toilet paper?
–MoMA cafe
Overheard by: Sweettart
