She Don't Eat Wednesday One-Liners, But She Sure Like the Bone

Woman: Shut up! Do you want to end up alone eating a bologna sandwich in the drunk tank?

–Ave A & 10th

Overheard by: Kira

Coworker to office: I love meatloaf. I would wear it on my head like a hat.

–6th Ave

Overheard by: The Secret Newsbunny

Woman getting in cab: Fatty Magoo! I'm going to eat the shit out of some ribs!

–24th & 7th Ave

NYU boy to friends: Wait! I'm looking at the wrong site…there's all different kinds of sausages.

–Kimmel Center, NYU

Overheard by: lollin.

Hobo: I don't like beef, I don't like chicken, I don't like ribs…I like pussy!

–Lower East Side

Overheard by: J J

Conductor: Everyone please step aside at the next stop and make room for fresh meat.

–L Train

Overheard by: ooshua

Posted on April 15, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Conductors, Coworkers, Crime and Punishment, Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Frat Boys, Friends, Gripes, Hobos, Insults, Junk Food & Fast Food, Lower East Side, NYU, On the Subway, One-liners, Public Transportation, Street, Threats, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Unfortunately, It's Usually a Hobo on the Subway.

Woman at checkout to teenage son: I don't know…this shampoo smells a little too edible.
Middle aged Latina cashier, fingering her hair: That's why I wash my hair! So somebody will take a bite! Yum, yum, nibble, nibble!

–Ave A Grocery Store

Posted on April 7, 2009
Alphabet City, Cashiers, Families, Grocery Stores, Hair, Latinos, Moms, Sensory Experiences, Teens, Weirdness

And Pretend It Didn't Happen, Like Usual?

Guy #1: So when's your birthday?
Guy #2: It's June 24.
Guy #1: Hey, mine is May 24.
Guy #2: And my girlfriend's is January 24.
Guy #1: Wow…we should all have sex.

–7th & Ave B

Posted on April 5, 2009
Alphabet City, Birthdays, Guys, Offers and requests, Street, Three is Company, Time

Mel Gibson: “Yet When I Say That…”

Gay #1: Did you hear Steven Spielberg donated $100,000 to defeat the gay marriage amendment in California?
Gay #2 (angry): Why? That fucking Jew!
Gay #1: No, he donated $100,000 to defeat the proposed ban on gay marriage in California.
Gay #2: God, I love that kike.

–Thompkins Square Park

Overheard by: Jesse

Posted on March 6, 2009
About Celebrities, Alphabet City, Gays and Lesbians, Insults, Money & Class, Politics, Queer guys, Questions, Weirdness

Wednesday-One-Liner 451

5th grader to friends on stairs: So my brother burned a hole in the floor so we could spy on the neighbors.

–The Spence School

Overheard by: urbanadventurer

Hot 20-something: If another mediocre man hits on me after another mediocre meal I am going to burn the city down!

–1 Train

20-something to friend: The house burnt down, and now my dad has no eyebrows. No really, he has no eyebrows.

–Thompkin Square Park

Yuppie guy: You know, I think heartburn is the best kind of burn someone could have.

–Bleecker & Jones

Overheard by: Jas

Five-year-old boy, singing: Let the train, let the train, let the train be on fire!
(continues for a few minutes) Let China, let China, let China be on fire!

–F Train

Subway conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, this train is being held due to a…slight fire at the next station.

–C Train

Overheard by: G.

Posted on March 4, 2009
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Body Parts, Family Ties, Fire, Food, Friends, Kids, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Public Transportation, School, Singing, Students, Subway conductors, The Village, Threats, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Yuppies

Wednesday One-Liners Are a Lot to Swallow

Suit on cell: I've already had a blow job tonight so I don't really care what happens.

–7th St & Ave A

Overheard by: Karmenlara Seidman

Lady suit to other: What about 1994? I haven't sucked cock or watched ice hockey since 1994!

–Lion's Head, 109th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: A great man

Toothless thug: And now she wants an award for sucking my dick.

–7th Ave & 16th St

Overheard by: mattamore

Guy on cell: Look, I'm about to get on the train and lose signal so I'll sum up my argument: until I can pull out my dick and get a blowjob from any woman I want, my grudge against feminists stands. No, I don't care if it doesn't make sense. Fuck you, I'm getting on the train!

–Penn Station

Old woman to husband: Now isn't she the girl who gave him head in the Port Authority bathroom?

–Bench, Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Horrified

Girl to two hipster friends with yoga mats: Oh my god, he had to stop me while I was sucking on his dick just to tell me he likes me. Like why? Ew, why would he bother?

–Avenue B & 13th

Posted on February 25, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Bars & Clubs, BJs, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Couples, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Penis, Penn Station, Politics, Public Transportation, Questions, Sports, Street, Suits, Thugs, Time, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

What If She's Going to Make You a Sandwich?

Clerk #1: Yeah, she said she wants me to be more possessive to her.
Clerk #2: What the fuck does that mean? Your bitch is crazy.
Clerk #1: I dunno what it means, but next time I see her I'm gonna say, “bitch, where you goin'?” and when she starts to answer me I'm just gonna yell, “no!”

–3rd St & Ave A

Overheard by: alex mwheel

Posted on February 23, 2009
Alphabet City, Clerks, Crazy, Insults, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Words

Can You Get Wednesday One-Liners from a Toilet Seat?

Girl swimming in the Hudson River: I'm afraid if I take a pee, I'll get a venereal disease!

–Hudson River & 26th St

Overheard by: Nellie

(student #1 loudly hacks up a lung, while everyone else turns around in horror)
Student #2: Whoa, what do you have, chlamydia or something?

–11th Grade English Classroom, Bushwick

Overheard by: The Teacher

Angry drunk man to bemused drunk woman: I don't wanna fuck you, okay? I'm just saying I don't have genital warts!

–Ave A & Houston

Groaning guy on corner: I really don't want crabs…

–53rd & 6th

20-something woman: Everybody has issues. They're like herpes one.

–St. Mark's

Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred

Posted on February 11, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Brooklyn, Classroom, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Fears, Girls, Guys, Hudson River, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, One-liners, Pee, Questions, Sex, STDs, Street, Students, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

Whoever Cares the Least Wins, My Friend

Hipster Padawan: What the fuck? I'm so sick of people calling me a “hipster!” What, just because I'm skinny and I smoke I'm supposed to be part of some stupid subculture?
Hipster Jedi: Why do you care?

–Thompkins Square Park

Overheard by: Manhattman

Posted on February 6, 2009
Alphabet City, Hipsters, Insults, Parks, Questions, Smoking

Every One-Liner Has Its Wednesday

Well-dressed black girl to well-groomed black standard poodle with owner: Oh, look at your nice hair! You work it girl!

–22nd St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Tigertail

Middle-age woman to overgroomed poodle, as it takes a dump in the middle of the sidewalk: Ohhhhh! Charlie, that's looking a bit creamy! Yum, yum! (pause as the dog sniffs his mess) No, don't eat it!

–14th St & University Place

Overheard by: Bee

Crazy hobo in wheelchair, to small dog on leash passing by: Meow. Meow! Meow!

–Union Square

Large black man to his shaggy dog: Just because it's there doesn't mean you can pee on it. That's a nice bike!

–9th St & 50th St

Overheard by: EmGusk

Man trying to control his barking dog: No! No anxiety! Bad dog! No anxiety!

–St. Mark's & Ave A

Overheard by: french bulldog with narcissism