Flamboyant black guy #1: That’s what I love about being gay. All these bitches be loving on me so I get them to do my homework.
Flamboyant black guy #2: True.
–Washington Square North
Flamboyant black guy #1: That’s what I love about being gay. All these bitches be loving on me so I get them to do my homework.
Flamboyant black guy #2: True.
–Washington Square North
Huge black guy on cell: Yo man, I got nostalgic on that ass!
–Center & Lafayette
Overheard by: jonnytimmy
African man, yelling into cell: I am not riding a bike! I’m not a machine! I’m not a machine! I’m not a wheel!
–W 23rd St
Overheard by: I’m a train!
Loud chick on cell: So I told him he’s gotta do some exercises or something to keep up with me. I mean, he doesn’t do any foreplay or anything, just climbs his fat ass on top of me…
–37th & Broadway
Guy on phone at sandwich shop: How am I? Well, that’s a complicated quesion -do you mean right now, or in general? Because right now, Lisa’s got a really bad cold and is all set up on the couch and I just got back from a eulogy for a friend’s pop. So now I’m getting a coffee and then I plan on riding the bicycle at the gym -’cause that’s the closest I can get to heroin. How are you?
–85th & Columbus Ave
Lady, to marathon wheelchair participants: Don’t just sit there, go go go!
–99th & 5th, NYC Marathon
Grown woman, clapping and bouncing up and down: Yaaaaaaay, I get to go on the slide!
–76th & York
Ten-year-old girl leaving the midnight showing of Harry Potter: Ugh. I am never working out again!
–68th & Broadway
Overheard by: Sarah Booz
Ghetto kid at a carnival: Man, that wasn’t no clown. That was just someone dressed like a clown!
–P.S. 218, The Bronx
Overheard by: Children are the future
Fourteen-year-old black girl to friend: You should have thrown a brick at a clown and seen the blood. You would have loved that.
–7th Ave Street Fair, Park Slope
Overheard by: send in the clowns
Little girl, pointing at obvious pimp: Look mommy, look! A clown!
–Brooklyn
Janitor to clown post-show: Everybody loves clowns. Even Bill Gates!
–Barnum & Bailey Circus
Slightly crazed looking man to well-dressed blonde chick: For $300 you’ll get a clown and a playboy bunny!
–E4th & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: I might consider paying up
Little black boy in school group: Why are there all white people here? Is this a white people place, Miss Hannah?
Teacher: Well…
–Museum of Natural History
Male student: I think it was just like… quiet racism.
Exuberant black teacher, whispering: Nigga!
–ICE High School, 16th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Lady-Bastard
Hispanic girl: You’re always showing off!
Black kid: What?
Hispanic girl: Get off me!
Black kid: Stop it!
Hispanic girl: Get off me!
Black passenger guy: Man, why’s it always gotta be our people pulling this shit? You never see white people pulling this shit. You never see Chinese people pulling this shit. Man!
–C Train
Overheard by: Noelle
Homeless man, to toddler: Can I get a high-five?
[Toddler high-fives homeless man.]Homeless man: Can I get a dollar?
–D Train
Overheard by: sara
Shivering bum: Yo, can you guys help me out? Otherwise I’m gonna sing a song and I don’t wanna hurt your ears.
–N 7th & Bedford
Black homeless man: Excuse me… Can anyone help a broke nigga get his eat on?
–6 Train
Bum: Dollar for your favorite bum?
–Lafayette & E. 4th St
Bum, approaching another bum standing in the only two square feet of sunlit space for many blocks: Yeahh! You found the spot!
–Financial District
Overheard by: nunya
Homeless man: Hello, everyone. My name is Mike*, and I’m homeless and starving. If you have any- [His cell phone rings.] Excuse me. [Picks up phone.] I’m working, man, what’s up?
–Q Train
Old queer: You won’t believe your eyes in Plainfield. There’s not one heterosexual in Plainfield.
–75th & Columbus
Amazed nerd teen: They did this study on women who are ovulating, and even in gay bars when they’re ovulating they get way more dick.
–S’nice Coffee Bar, 14th St & 8th Ave
Big black girl: So being gay, when a straight person says, "You can stay over with me, but I’m not inviting you to touch me…" No, girl! You *are* inviting me to touch you.
–C Train
Overheard by: Lemuel
Random guy in stall next me: It’s a cluster fuck… Out there, not here, you don’t think I’m gay, do you?
–JFK Bathroom
Guy with to few friends: I’m the most homophobic gay man ever.
–Staten Island Perkins Diner
IT manager: Do you know how long ago 1984 was? I was straight!
–915 Broadway, Manhattan
Overheard by: Sarah
Big bald guy: No, no, you don’t have to be ordained to marry people at the show. Just put on the Pope robe if you want to marry people.
–Office Building, Hudson St
Guy: I took your advice, bro. I’m gonna marry her in a little over three weeks. But… I gotta get drunk first.
–Houston & Broadway
Overheard by: erin
Suit #1 to suit #2: Well, maybe she won’t sign the pre-nup and then you’ll be free.
–Wall Street
Black chick: No! No! Ain’t no one gettin’ lynched at my wedding!
–Food Dimensions, Myrtle & Broadway
Overheard by: off white
Woman on cell: The only time he gets to be himself is when he goes away and that’s the way he saves the marriage… Otherwise it’s "Mommy, I don’t feel well’ and ‘Mommy, may I be excused from the table."
–23rd St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Mugsy’s Moll
Goth chick on phone: He proposed to me while he was in me… Yea, well, I mean he told me after that he really meant it!
–Penn Station
