Weren't You Listening? It's a Mammal Thing.

Hot Asian boyfriend: Yeah… Once, I was really wasted and I had to piss so badly. I just pissed in the cab that I was in.
Pretty Asian girlfriend: You mean you pissed in your pants in a cab?
Hot Asian boyfriend: No, stupid! Right before I got out, I whipped it out and just pissed as quietly as I could.
(Pretty Asian girlfriend stops walking and just stares at him)
Hot Asian boyfriend: What?
Pretty Asian girlfriend, looking away: Poor cab driver! Oh, that poor soul… Who am I dating? (shakes head)
Hot Asian boyfriend: What? A man's got a right to mark his territory sometimes. Dogs do it too!
Pretty Asian girlfriend: Did you own that taxi cab?
Hot Asian boyfriend: No.
Pretty Asian girlfriend: Then why the hell did you pee on something that wasn't yours?

–Astor Place

Overheard by: poor cab driver

Posted on September 14, 2009
Asians, Boyfriends, Cars and Driving, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Girlfriends, Man's Best Friend, Pee, Questions, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Prefer “Gentleman Companion”

Teenage girl to friend: Boyfriends are so overrated, except not really because I really want one.

–Lincoln Center

Guy: I don't care if her new boyfriend is god–I will kick his ass!

–Church St

Overheard by: Steve

Guy to friend: Yeah, she's in Jamaica. How fucked up is that? She's 20 and in Jamaica with her boyfriend. I'm 25 and I'm standing on a train next to you.

–Metro-North

Art student: I wanna write a diary, like, "8:45, kill boyfriend."

–NYU

Man on street selling knockoff perfume: C'mon ladies, buy this perfume. It will help you get a boyfriend! Don't get a cheap boyfriend, get some cheap perfume!

–34th & 7th

Overheard by: Kiran

Girl to friend: From now on, I am only having sex with one boyfriend.

–Marlow & Sons

Posted on September 9, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Books & Writing, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Fighting and ass kicking, Friends, Girls, God, Guys, Knock-Offs, Love, Money & Class, Murder, NYU, One-liners, Public Transportation, Questions, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Street, Students, Teens, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vendors & Street Performers, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Williamsburg, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Would Like to Thank the Academy

Girl to a friend: I was piss drunk when I saw The Passion Of The Christ.

–Chelsea

Skateboarding juvenile delinquent to crew: We are totally like the movie Kids, all that's left is for me to get Aids.

–Mott & Prince

Overheard by: Dirty needle or gay sex, your choice

Suit to another: The soundtrack to Big Top Pee-wee was amazing.

–St. Mark's Place

Seven-year-old Asian boy to mother, during the movie Up: He loved and he lost…

–Regal Union Square Theater

Crazy 30-something man: Excuse me! You probably think I'm looking for money. I'm not. But I'm looking for a companion! A girl, aged 18 to 25, and she must have a DVD player, so we can watch movies!

–1 Train

Overheard by: nella

Posted on September 9, 2009
AIDS, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Chinatown, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Dating, Drinking & Drunk People, Film, Friends, Girls, Guys, Jesus, Kids, Love, Moms, Money & Class, Movies, Music, On the Subway, One-liners, Pick-up Lines, Skaters, Street, Stupidity, Suits, Theater, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Easily Beating Jesus' Three-Day Record

Girl: I'm allergic to mold, trees and grass. That's like… you know… nature!
Friend: Oh my god! And I take an eighth of a Benadryl and I am dead for a week.
Girl: Oh my god… Me too!

–Bathroom, Cafeteria at the Met

Posted on September 6, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Medicine, Restaurants & Cafes, The Met, Trees and plants

I'm in Training for the “That's What She Said” Quarterfinals

Guy #1: Man, my office is full of dicks.
Guy #2: Yeah, me too.
Guy #1: Yeah, but mine is a lot smaller than yours.
Guy #2, laughing: Do you hear yourself talk?

–115st & Frederick Douglass

Overheard by: TL

Posted on September 6, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Laughter, Penis

What Happens When You Cheat on the Test

Dude #1: Dude, you're gonna love pediatrics!
Dude #2: Dude, I know. Dude! I was at the clinic, and there was this girl, you know, already laid back in the chair. She was waiting for something, I don't know, I don't know what she was waiting for, but she was already back in the chair, and… dude, she was sick hot. Like, she was a local, but she looked like a Dominican Jennifer Lopez.
Dude #1: Dude, you're gonna have so much fun with that!
Dude #2: I know, dude. I'm gonna fuckin lay my talons into that shit. Single moms? There are gonna be a ton of single moms! Third year? Good times, dude!
Dude #1: (chuckles into the stunned silences of dudes #3 and #4)
Dude #2: I'm glad I took ethics, dude. Shit, ethics? I didn't really learn a whole lot from ethics, dude.
Dudes #3 and #4: (amplified stunned silence)

–Butler Library, Columbia University

Overheard by: Lili

Posted on September 5, 2009
About Celebrities, Beauty, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Guys, Library, Medicine, Parents, Physical appearance, Promiscuity, School and studying, Weirdness

And You Know What Men Say About Girls With Small Fingers

Prudish girl #1: The only good thing about having small fingers is that you can get away with a small rock.
Prudish girl #2: Oh, totally.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Luke

Posted on September 4, 2009
Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Height, Union Square and East Village

Translation: “They Don't Do My Kind Of Drugs.”

Hipster boy to friend: I don't know if they're the best band to be playing with, because they're like a gypsy rock n' roll punk band, you know?
Friend, tiredly, knowingly: Oh, yeah.

–F Train

Overheard by: Tricia