Drunk 20-something guy: Imagine this foam finger is a beef stick. Open your mouth and eat the beef stick.
Drunk 20-something girl: Normally, the beef sticks I tend to deal with are slightly smaller.
–Q Train
Drunk 20-something guy: Imagine this foam finger is a beef stick. Open your mouth and eat the beef stick.
Drunk 20-something girl: Normally, the beef sticks I tend to deal with are slightly smaller.
–Q Train
Hot Asian boyfriend: Yeah… Once, I was really wasted and I had to piss so badly. I just pissed in the cab that I was in.
Pretty Asian girlfriend: You mean you pissed in your pants in a cab?
Hot Asian boyfriend: No, stupid! Right before I got out, I whipped it out and just pissed as quietly as I could.
(Pretty Asian girlfriend stops walking and just stares at him)
Hot Asian boyfriend: What?
Pretty Asian girlfriend, looking away: Poor cab driver! Oh, that poor soul… Who am I dating? (shakes head)
Hot Asian boyfriend: What? A man's got a right to mark his territory sometimes. Dogs do it too!
Pretty Asian girlfriend: Did you own that taxi cab?
Hot Asian boyfriend: No.
Pretty Asian girlfriend: Then why the hell did you pee on something that wasn't yours?
–Astor Place
Overheard by: poor cab driver
Teenage girl to friend: Boyfriends are so overrated, except not really because I really want one.
–Lincoln Center
Guy: I don't care if her new boyfriend is god–I will kick his ass!
–Church St
Overheard by: Steve
Guy to friend: Yeah, she's in Jamaica. How fucked up is that? She's 20 and in Jamaica with her boyfriend. I'm 25 and I'm standing on a train next to you.
–Metro-North
Art student: I wanna write a diary, like, "8:45, kill boyfriend."
–NYU
Man on street selling knockoff perfume: C'mon ladies, buy this perfume. It will help you get a boyfriend! Don't get a cheap boyfriend, get some cheap perfume!
–34th & 7th
Overheard by: Kiran
Girl to friend: From now on, I am only having sex with one boyfriend.
–Marlow & Sons
Girl to a friend: I was piss drunk when I saw The Passion Of The Christ.
–Chelsea
Skateboarding juvenile delinquent to crew: We are totally like the movie Kids, all that's left is for me to get Aids.
–Mott & Prince
Overheard by: Dirty needle or gay sex, your choice
Suit to another: The soundtrack to Big Top Pee-wee was amazing.
–St. Mark's Place
Seven-year-old Asian boy to mother, during the movie Up: He loved and he lost…
–Regal Union Square Theater
Crazy 30-something man: Excuse me! You probably think I'm looking for money. I'm not. But I'm looking for a companion! A girl, aged 18 to 25, and she must have a DVD player, so we can watch movies!
–1 Train
Overheard by: nella
Girl: I'm allergic to mold, trees and grass. That's like… you know… nature!
Friend: Oh my god! And I take an eighth of a Benadryl and I am dead for a week.
Girl: Oh my god… Me too!
–Bathroom, Cafeteria at the Met
Guy #1: Man, my office is full of dicks.
Guy #2: Yeah, me too.
Guy #1: Yeah, but mine is a lot smaller than yours.
Guy #2, laughing: Do you hear yourself talk?
–115st & Frederick Douglass
Overheard by: TL
Dude #1: Dude, you're gonna love pediatrics!
Dude #2: Dude, I know. Dude! I was at the clinic, and there was this girl, you know, already laid back in the chair. She was waiting for something, I don't know, I don't know what she was waiting for, but she was already back in the chair, and… dude, she was sick hot. Like, she was a local, but she looked like a Dominican Jennifer Lopez.
Dude #1: Dude, you're gonna have so much fun with that!
Dude #2: I know, dude. I'm gonna fuckin lay my talons into that shit. Single moms? There are gonna be a ton of single moms! Third year? Good times, dude!
Dude #1: (chuckles into the stunned silences of dudes #3 and #4)
Dude #2: I'm glad I took ethics, dude. Shit, ethics? I didn't really learn a whole lot from ethics, dude.
Dudes #3 and #4: (amplified stunned silence)
–Butler Library, Columbia University
Overheard by: Lili
Prudish girl #1: The only good thing about having small fingers is that you can get away with a small rock.
Prudish girl #2: Oh, totally.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Luke
Hipster boy to friend: I don't know if they're the best band to be playing with, because they're like a gypsy rock n' roll punk band, you know?
Friend, tiredly, knowingly: Oh, yeah.
–F Train
Overheard by: Tricia
Drunk thug, reflecting on his baby-mama's new man: I love motherfuckin' guns, and that's the bottom line, but I don't wanna go to jail.
–Bar, Cortelyou Road
Boy to limping blonde struggling to keep up: Oh my god, if you were a horse I would shoot you.
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: The Game
Father to two small children, pulling them away from the register: C'mon, guys. Let's go before mommy shoots herself.
–Forbidden Planet, 13th & Broadway
Loud black girl: It's Manhattan, I don't have to worry about getting shot.
–NYU
Guy on cell: Hey man, aren't you tired of being shot?
–Queens Center Mall
