Tourist dad: Sorry, but where are we right now?
Local: Midgard.
Tourist dad: Thanks! Wait, what?
–Union Square
Overheard by: kabu
Tourist dad: Sorry, but where are we right now?
Local: Midgard.
Tourist dad: Thanks! Wait, what?
–Union Square
Overheard by: kabu
American tourist on phone: So, I've just been to ground zero and it's like totally overrated; it's just a hole in the ground.
–Central park
Sensitive guy: She's probably the number one cause of post-traumatic stress syndrome since 9/11!
–Restaurant, 46th St & 9th Ave
Overheard by: TheGreenCat
Man, looking out window: Looks like they are building something.
–WTC Path Station
Tourist: That building is really tall, I think it's the World Crade Center!
–Brooklyn Bridge
Cheerful tourist dad taking photo of tourist family: Smile and say 9/11!
–Battery Park
Overheard by: CJW
Little boy to father: When I get ice cream I am not going to give anyone any of it!
Father: Sharing is good.
Little boy: No. It's not!
–Union Square
Overheard by: daveB
Little girl in men's room stall: Daddy, someone peed on the seat.
Dad: No, it's fine, honey.
Little girl: Daddy, someone peed on the seat!
Dad: It's fine, just go.
Little girl: Daddy, I peed on the seat.
–LaGuardia Airport
Young woman: I heard this funny joke. A man comes home and his wife says “Your boss called and said that you were fired.” The man answers “Fuck him!”, and the woman says “I did, and now you have your job back.”
Woman's husband: I don't get it.
Eight-year-old son: C'mon dad, she made out with the boss!
–F Train
Eight-year-old boy, matter-of-factly, to dorky dad: Mexican people like to put animals on their shoulders.
–108 St & Broadway
Black guy to white woman: Anyway, it turns out–and this is really weird–in Texas, they hate Mexicans as much as they hate African Americans!
–17th St & 8th Ave
Man to another: I just want to be gang-raped by a group of Latinos.
–Chelsea
Overheard by: Mike
Exasperated woman to friend: And this is why I don't interfere when it comes to Mexicans!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Green Star
10-year-old to friend: You have the same name as a short, fat Mexican boy!
–Maria Hernandez Park, Bushwick
Latino gay to white gay: You have good genes, you just don't have the Latino gene that makes your face moisturize naturally. I'm like the Dick Clark of faggotry!
–12th & 1st
Overheard by: H-Bomb
Teen to friend: Make sure that you're in Guatemalan mode.
–114th & Broadway
Overheard by: Jeremy
Drunk woman to another: Well, I will see your divorce and raise you an illegitimate pregnancy!
–Court St & Atlantic Avenue, Brooklyn
Girl to super skinny girl: You look pregnant, I think I have a clothes hanger in my locker. You wanna come up and check with me?
–1st Ave & 3rd St
Dad holding baby to wife with another kid in stroller: Somebody's about to get pregnant up in here… It'll be like Maury Povich.
–Downtown 1 Train
Overheard by: NOT the father
Dude on bus to child: See, women, they get to grow people. And in exchange, we get to pee standing up.
–Q64 Bus
Overheard by: a people-grower
Girl to friend: You always seem to get pregnant at the worst times.
–Queens Center Mall
Overheard by: Jenn
Girl to friend: I'm feeling fertile. Who's going to tend to that feeling for me?
–2 Train
Latino guy to friends: That's what my name means in Portuguese, "pregnancy test positive."
–84th Drive, Queens
Father to son: No five-year-old should be asking for Chilean sea bass for dinner.
–Joralemon & Court
Dapper man on cell: You used to be able to pass for twenty… uh… eight.
–Chelsea
Overheard by: Chuckell
Middle aged woman clutching Twilight book, trying to exit bus while reading: God! These novels for 13-year-olds make me hot!
–B7 Bus
Overheard by: i know, i love it too…
Prissy woman on cell: I don't care if he's six years old, he doesn't have to throw a fucking temper tantrum every time he wakes up. I mean, get over yourself.
–Washington Square
Overheard by: Eric
Guy to friend: I'm thirty years old now. I'm over thirty. I don't know how to live. I'm an "adult" now. But I don't know how to live–without someone taking care of me.
–F Train
Overheard by: Jason B
Older woman to almost-dead father: Dad, the doctor told me I have a 45-year-old vagina!
–Manhattan Office
10-year old son to father: I'm going to punch you in the penis!
–Hudson & Desbrosses
Woman to 4-year-old: I do what I have to do to get things done. I'll even break some legs.
–7th Ave, Park Slope
Girl to friend, sounding genuinely ecstatic: Yeah, he kneed me in the thigh, it was awesome.
–West Village
Woman on cell: Did you try changing its diaper? (pause) What about smacking it around a little and telling it to shut up?
–26th & 7th
Overheard by: Liz
Fat, hairy hipster guy: I don't know, but somehow, lesbians are always a little in love with me.
–Downtown 6 Train
Overheard by: I'm sure, dude.
Fanboy-looking dad to 10-year-old son: Well, if there is a lesbian headquarters, it's probably, um…
–Prospect Park
Barnard freshman: The way I dress people think I'm a lesbian.
–Barnard College
Overheard by: funny
Young Latina to another: That's not being a lesbian, that's being nasty!
–5 Train
Overheard by: E.J.
20-something to another: She looks like Sherlock Holmes crossed with a lesbian.
–1 Train
