Mom to little kid: Joey has two moms.
Kid: I'm pretty sure he has three.
–116th St & Amsterdam Ave
Mom to little kid: Joey has two moms.
Kid: I'm pretty sure he has three.
–116th St & Amsterdam Ave
Sister #1: You know what Auntie Cathy* said last week? She said that, back in the 40’s, Aunt Mary* was a huge slut! She said, and I quote, “She had the clap so many times it amounted to applause.”
Sister #2: And I thought the only hobby she ever had was crocheting those ugly stuffed animals.
–Quizno’s, 14th & 3rd
Suit #1: Do you lose toenails periodically?
Suit #2: Seriously, I won’t bone your sister.
–Midtown
Black lady: Listen, you camel jockey, I don’t care what you say, you was wrong to do that!
Middle Eastern man: Oh, shut up, you stupid nigga! I’m tired of hearing your shit! Go fuck yourself!
Black woman passerby: Oh my god, who the hell are you to be talking to my beautiful black sister like that?! You ain’t got no right to talk to anybody black like that!
Black lady: Bitch, who the shit are you? Don’t be talkin’ to my husband like that!
–W 4th St station
Overheard by: Mawg Spawn
Girl #1: So, I heard your sister slept with another guy last night…
Girl #2: Yeah, I know. I love her, because she’s, like, my sister and all. But seriously, she’s going to get a fucking disease.
Girl #1: It’s really easy to. I mean, I only sleep with girls, and remember when I got one?
–Line for Ani D. concert, Central Park
Overheard by: tiffany.
Suit to another: He was just lucky not to be fucking someone in his family!
–Trump Building
Overheard by: Guess I'm lucky too
Gamer on headset: Dude, you are not listening to me. You can't hear me. You know why? Because you have no ears. You're the product of two retarded cousins fucking each other.
–Queens
Girl: He looks like my uncle… the one I'm really attracted to.
–Governors Island ferry
Overheard by: boring
Male passerby: I wouldn't fuck my family, but…
–4th Ave & 11th St
Overheard by: Jessica
British professor wearing bow tie: It's fascinating just how exciting incest is!
–Silver Center, NYU
Hipster girl: You know, I was really, really dreading that family dinner, but it wasn’t so bad…
Mom, complacently stroking umbrella: Yeah, apart from the part where he tried to stick the knife down your pants, I thought it went really well!
–F train
Dude #1: How's your sister doing?
Dude #2: She's fine.
Dude #1: So what is it with all these lesbians looking like Justin Bieber?
–2 Train
Overheard by: DG
Chick on cell: As a pie-lover, I have a question.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Poogins
Father to toddler: No, you can't have a doughnut. You just had a doughnut yesterday. You can have another when you're…25!
–Doughnut Plant, Grand & Norfolk
Large older woman: I like cherry, lemon, peach, apple, and pumpkin. Other than that, I'm not a big pie person.
–Central Park Bench
Overheard by: Struedel Snatcher
Big black guy: And she kept trying to get me to take a pie, but I kept telling her, "bitch, I ain't got no room for no pie!"
–Penn Station
Young lady to friend, gravely: I understand, but things have changed. That was before the chocolate bonanza.
–72nd & Broadway
Overheard by: T. Ryan
Chick on cell: Why did you tell dad about that?…Well, he was going to find out sooner or later when he saw me on the website.
–Union Square
Female midget: Yeah, they’re installing the internet in my new apartment and apparently they need a computer.
–Elevator, ABC building, 66th St
Overheard by: Mojosaves
World traveler: Really, you can get anything on the streets of Bangkok. Thai prostitutes, smoothies, passport pictures…It’s like Craigslist.
–20th & 8th
Overheard by: laughing out loud
Catholic school girl on cell: Danny, it’s me. I have some bad news. We’re on a break. Call me back when you get this message….[Hangs up and redials] Maria! What am I going to do about my MySpace?!
–4th Ave
Overheard by: Joe
Blonde on cell: Seriously, I love you, but…Seriously…Seriously, you’re an asshole. You’re a dick! Why didn’t you just tell me the fucking truth!…Well, I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry I posted those pictures on MySpace, but…Well, be a fucking man about it and tell me the fucking truth then!…Seriously, I love you.
–23rd & 8th
Overheard by: wild dog boy
Loud guy on cell: So how do I get this done? Do I go on the internet or something?… I want to be able to print my own bounty hunter license immediately.
–11th & 6th
Suit: When I was working for my old company, all we would do is download porn.
–Grand & Varick
