Girl: I never read Ragtime.
Guy: Really? I enjoyed it very much.
Girl: Well, I tried to read it, but my older sister saw me with it and freaked. She took it away and was all “There are Eskimos masturbating in this!”
Guy: Well, they need to have fun too, you know.
–Stuyvesant High School
Dude #1: Yo son, that girl last week, Anna, she is all kinds of freaky.
Dude #2: Weird, that’s what I heard.
Dude #1: Yeah man, she wanted me to do her from behind with the lights on and shit.
Dude #2: Nigga, that shit ain’t freaky.
Dude #1: Yo, with the lights on and a dildo in her mouth.
Dude #2: Wait… Which Anna you talking ’bout, my cousin?
–A Train
Overheard by: nuttybella
Woman to another woman: It’s really the same thing. Like six and a half of another dozen.
–Times Square Subway Station
Overheard by: Billy
Black woman: He gets four weeks paid vacation! Four weeks! That’s like two months!
–34th & Broadway
Auntie someone: Yeah, my brother has like 18 kids and I ain’t even met like a hundred of ’em!
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld
Crazy man: I just decided to become a decimal point.
–3 Train
Overheard by: Cool, cuz im a period.
Delivery truck guy, counting boxes: 18 plus 20 equals 30, plus 22 is 42.
–Midwood, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Feliz Navidad
Girl on cell: Yeah, no. Five times eight is forty… I think… Well, hopefully, anyway.
–Waverly & Broadway
Overheard by: Kyla
Jewish girl: I think my family likes me because I will fulfill my potential to be a pompous ass.
–NYU Bobst Library
Thirty-something Hispanic woman: All my nephews are boys… All of them.
–Uptown 1 Train
Overheard by: Suze V
Girl on cell: Well then maybe you shouldn’t have fucked my sister!
–70 & Broadway
Girl on cell: …The half-Asian, half-Jewish guy. And she’s like: "My brother is so pissed at me!" and I’m like: "Of course he’s pissed, you’ve gotten with six of his friends."
–St. John’s University
Overheard by: Peter G
Guy: I’ve seen my sister-in law’s titties so many times…
–Yankee Stadium
Girl on cell: So the little girl at the wedding was like: "Are you guys brothers?" And I was like: "No, we fuck".
–24th St b/w 6th & 7th
Overheard by: Amy
Loud black girl #1: If you got the same father but different mothers you half siblings. If you got the same mother but different fathers you whole siblings!
Loud black girl #2: No it ain’t! You’re wrong.
Loud black girl #1, to older black man standing in front of them: Excuse me, sir. You look older and wiser than us. Which one of us is right?
Older black man: If you got the same mamma y’all sistas.
Loud black girl #2: That’s not right.
Loud black girl #1: You just wait till we get out this train and have service and we will both text message Google and see who’s right. Same mamma makes you whole siblings!
Loud black girl #2: Fine, but you wrong.
Loud black girl #1: Yes you are, cause you all come out the same pussy! It’s the pussy that matters!
–6 Train
Overheard by: Alie
Male professor #1: Your daughter is starting to look like you.
Male professor #2: That’s comforting.
–NYU
Overheard by: ann
Frat boy on cell: Next time this happens, just grab him by the penis and drag him into bed.
–Grand Central
Frat boy: I mean, STDs are nothing to worry about. There are more Pokemon than there are STDs!
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: Pikachu
Enthusiastic frat boy: Sure, sure, but back in history when there were no diseases…
–57th Street & 8th
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Frat boy on cell: If I were him, I’d tell her to get her boobs put in too, as long as she’s already under.
–Mercer & 8th
Incensed frat-type dude on cell: Dude! I didn’t fingerbang your sister in Tijuana! I’m not a snake like that. I fingerbanged her in Cancun, so it was on American soil… And you were in the next bed. Tell me you don’t remember any of this?!
–NR Train
Ghetto kid at a carnival: Man, that wasn’t no clown. That was just someone dressed like a clown!
–P.S. 218, The Bronx
Overheard by: Children are the future
Fourteen-year-old black girl to friend: You should have thrown a brick at a clown and seen the blood. You would have loved that.
–7th Ave Street Fair, Park Slope
Overheard by: send in the clowns
Little girl, pointing at obvious pimp: Look mommy, look! A clown!
–Brooklyn
Janitor to clown post-show: Everybody loves clowns. Even Bill Gates!
–Barnum & Bailey Circus
Slightly crazed looking man to well-dressed blonde chick: For $300 you’ll get a clown and a playboy bunny!
–E4th & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: I might consider paying up
Father yelling at his drunk son: Hey! Don’t lick my damn ciggarettes!
Son: I lick whatever I fucking want!
Father: I’ll lick your fucking ass! [People turn their heads] …What, he’s my fucking son!
–East Village
Six-year-old girl, after careful consideration: Oh, well. That’s Ok. A baby is almost as much fun as a trampoline.
–Sidewalk Cafe
Guy to friend at 1 AM on a Thursday: Hey, I have an idea -let’s talk about how Dan fucked my ex-girlfriend! That’ll be fun, that’s a good story!
–PATH Train to Hoboken
Overheard by: Katie
Cali girl, to her roommate: We need to be more like coke whores but, like, without the coke, and not the whore part, but just like, opulent and fun.
–133rd & Frederick Douglass
Overheard by: Nathalie
Guy on cell: But, mother, maybe she wants to have fun for a couple of years before she becomes a nun.
–Midtown
Overheard by: Killer
20-something woman on cell: When I left my mom just now she said, ‘Have fun gay-tripping in California.’ Uhmmmmm?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: McF
Middle aged babysitter corralling flock of young children down the street: This should be fun… How come it isn’t? Anybody got any ideas?
–18th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Dave
