Wednesday One-Liners Make “Unsafe Requests”

Homeless man: Eliot Spitzer for President!… Make the White House the whorehouse!

–Battery Park

NYU guy: So my friend who works for Eliot Spitzer called me the other day and asked me to ask his roommate to delete all his emails. He didn’t say why, but then about two hours later I found out about the whole prostitute thing… And now I’m a little worried.

–NYU Bus

AmNY newspaper guy, handing out papers with Eliot Spitzer’s picture on the front page: $80,000 for a ho, and we can’t get a raise!

–Outside 33rd St Station, 33rd & Park

Crazy guy, speeding on a bicycle through a crowd: Don’t even think about it people! I gotta make a party at Spitzer’s in ten minutes!

–43rd & Lexington

Overheard by: Dan J

Old lady: Why, if I were young like you, I could be a call-girl to scum-of-the-earth Spitzer!

–Laundromat, 34th St, Long Island City

Posted on April 16, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Battery Park, Booty Call, Celebrations/Parties, Crazies, Fears, Guys, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, News, Nicknames & name calling, NYU, Offers and requests, Old People, On the Bus, Orgy, Pictures, Politics, President, Prostitution, Queens, Street, Students, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Time, Women, Words

What Happens If You Don’t Hang Your Food from a Tree

British guy: Why is Sam having such a vagina attack?
Chick: I just saw her.
British guy: Did she look like she was having a vagina attack?

–St. John’s University

Posted on April 15, 2008
Brits, Default, Girls, Guys, Physical appearance, Questions, School, Vagina, Words

…And He Keeps Tripping Over the Hems

Middle-aged white guy: … Yeah, well, Stan hurt himself.
Younger black guy: Well, he be wearin dresses and shit…

–Fulton St

Overheard by: Ruru

Posted on April 15, 2008
Black People, Clothing, Default, Guys, Sexuality, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, White People

Hope That Makes It into the House Blooper Reel

30-ish guy: So how was work today?
20-ish girl: It was hilarious. This guy named Wilson was sitting on a chair, and his shoes fell off.

–L Train

Overheard by: Derek

Posted on April 14, 2008
Accidents, Default, Girls, Guys, Laughter, On the Subway, Questions, Weirdness

Announced He’s Making the Full Court Press against Terror

Traveller: Can you put on CBS so we can watch the basketball?
Bartender: It’s not on.
Traveller: Really? It should be…
Bartender: Yeah, it *was* on, but then that guy came on to talk. You know, that guy, what’s his name? The president?

–Bar, JFK Terminal 7

Overheard by: NCS

Posted on April 13, 2008
Bars & Clubs, Bartenders, Guys, JFK Airport, Offers and requests, President, Questions, Sports, Strangers, TV, Words

No Sense of Humor

Guy #1: I mean, what I really like about Kelly is that she is really funny…I mean actually, really funny.
Guy #2: Yeah… You usually get that with Jew girls.
Guy #1: Yeah man… Man, what was Hitler thinking?

–4 Train

Overheard by: Liz

Posted on April 13, 2008
Compliments, Default, Guys, Hitler/Nazis, Judaism, On the Subway, Questions

A Month? Is That Even Possible?

Guy #1: If you don’t jack off for like a month, your body does it for you in your sleep.
Guy #2: Yeah, I’m not going to try that out, man.

–NYU Dining Hall

Overheard by: you should be ashamed

Posted on April 12, 2008
Cum, Guys, Masturbation, NYU, Restaurants & Cafes, Time

That’s What She Said! (We Had to Go There.)

Guy, listening to ambiguous sound: Was that your face or your ass?
Girl: That was my vagina.

–Starbucks

Overheard by: Chelsea

Posted on April 12, 2008
Etiquette, Girls, Guys, Questions, Vagina, Weirdness

New Yorkers Are Ultra-Sensitive About Color

Guy at bar: And so I keep trying to tell my wife that sienna is not a color.
Girl passing by: Yes it is! Burnt sienna is a crayon you slanderous prick!

–Restaurant, Bleecker Street

Posted on April 11, 2008
Anger Management, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, Insults, Restaurants & Cafes, Strangers, The Village

4 Out of 5 Dentists Prefer Wednesday One-Liners

Sleazy guy: I love going to my dentist, the new one. The hygienist holds my hand while they’re giving me a shot. She talks to me. She pets me like a chinchilla. It’s fantastic.

–Elevator, 360 Park Avenue South

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Old man with pet lizard: Thirty-four years ago we got married. She had dental coverage. It’s very easy to find a girl with medical coverage… Dental, not so easy.

–77th St & 37th Ave, Jackson Heights

Overheard by: Gail Montemayor

Blonde tween: they usually take out 2 teeth before they put on the braces. They took 4 of mine. It felt great! I wanted ’em to take all of mine and be all gums.

–D Train

Overheard by: Going to keep those wisdom teeth a bit longer

Girl on cell: So I was able to brush my teeth without feeling like I was going to puke.

–77th and 2nd

Cleaning woman on cell phone: She is a butterface. You know, everything’s lookin’ good but her face. Her body is nice, but she has some ugly-ass, skanky ass face. I told her she ain’t gonna get no man without any teeth in her face. I told her she’s gotta get some nice grilles put all up in there.

–Atlantic Mall

Overheard by: jsillyfun

Ghetto girl spouting knowledge to friend: Sometimes, you just gotta bite your teeth, and turn the other head…

–4 train

Guy on acid: I can’t get the taste of teeth out of my mouth!

–Riverside Park

Overheard by: LSB

Posted on April 9, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Beauty, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Druggies, Elevators, Ghetto Chicks, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Malls, Marriage, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Queens, Straight Trippin', Teeth, Tweens, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vomit, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Guys