Man in line for next available salesperson at Old Navy: Who wants a piece of this?
Next available salesperson: Next in line?
Man: That's what I'm talking about!
–Old Navy, 6th Ave
Man in line for next available salesperson at Old Navy: Who wants a piece of this?
Next available salesperson: Next in line?
Man: That's what I'm talking about!
–Old Navy, 6th Ave
Tattooed man in headphones: Hey man, you got a cigarette?
Hobo: Always.
Tattooed man in headphones: Really?
Hobo: Of course not. Look at me, I'm eating out of a trash can.
–3rd Ave & 10th St
Overheard by: Greg
Tween girl: I mean, she changed her MySpace name to "freaky dancer," I mean, she needs to take that shit off. Seriously, take it off, because I'm the freaky dancer, no one else is the freaky dancer but me.
–Uptown 6 Train
Man: There will be no more dancing tonight. I broke the pole.
–Times Square
Jumpy drunk guy: I have two options. Dance or fall asleep!
–Blackbird Parlour, Brooklyn
Overheard by: ak
Guy: I'm really into Nijinsky…no homo.
–F Train
Weary looking woman on cell: Six and a half hours of burlesque. I didn't think there was such a thing as too much burlesque…but I thought wrong.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: McNasty
College girl: And then I would say: "But do you object? Do you object to my vagina dance?"
–Union Square
Girl on cell at register: It's like… If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it was meant to be. (pause) If it doesn't? Well then baby, fuck that nigga, cuz he was a douchebag anyway.
–Deli, Brooklyn
Girl: It sounds douchey. But not like "douchebag" douchey. Like "Summer's Eve" douchey.
–Tribeca
Man to another, on Halloween: Oh, I get it. You're a douchebag.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: T.J.
Hipster dude, sarcastically to others: I love douchebag bars.
–Outside Puck Fair
Overheard by: Is this the definition of irony?
Incredulous man: I've only seen people like you on tv and the movies!
Unfazed woman: Well, I exist.
Incredulous man: Yes!
–Columbus Circle
Serious 40-something man to five-year-old girl: So why do I always have to be the one to buy dinner?
–8th Ave & 44th St
Overheard by: Dean
Mother to toddler: Why you always gotta sing Barney? Always Barney! You are so annoying! I'm sick of Barney.
–1 Train
Middle-aged Jewish man to eleven-year-old girl: But I don't think you have to worry about that, Talia, because there are very few Zoroastrians around these days.
–93rd & Broadway
Ghetto father making out with ghetto girl, to two-year-old tugging at his jeans: Nigga, stop cock-blockin me!
–Fordham Road
Overheard by: Laura
Angry mom to eight-year-old son: When I find that brick, you're in big trouble!
–Kane St & Clinton St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Phycobilins
Emphatic mom to child holding her hand: You've gotta hold my hand! I'm forty-six years old and I still hold my mommy's hand! I'm forty-six years old! So you've gotta hold my hand!
–50th & 9th
Overheard by: Christiana Little
Deep-voiced man: Hey, yo, SpongeBob…
Whiny-voiced woman across street: What?
Deep-voiced man: SpongeBob Squarepants…
Whiny-voiced woman: What?
Deep-voiced man: Why you got a square butt?
Whiny-voiced woman: What you said?
Deep-voiced man: Why you got a square butt, SpongeBob?
Whiny-voiced woman: Shut up!
Deep-voiced man: Haha. SpongeBob Squarepants…
Whiny-voiced woman: Shut up! [Continues for ten minutes.]
–Myrtle & Carlton
Overheard by: Myrtle Resident
Dancer girl: I dunno, I mean, like, I wish they made a size like, triple zero, so I would have something to look forward to, y’know?
–Central Park
Man: Yeah, that’s how you gain weight: a backed-up colon. I cleaned mine out this weekend.
–B54 Bus
Overheard by: Alma Molato
Old woman, very loudly, in the middle of the movie: Boy, is she skinny!
–Movie theater, 86th Street b/w 2nd & 3rd
Overheard by: The New York Crank
Girl on cell: If bitch can’t afford to buy her own groceries, she can just get skinny!
–Green Village Used Clothing, Bushwick
Anorexic fashionista: Any self-respecting anorexic knows that!
–Lincoln Center, 62nd & 9th
Man on cell: You went to a party last night? Well, that means you have to do three hours tomorrow. And I want you to drink lots of water, but none of that crystal light crap. That is seven calories that you do not need.
–Blockbuster, Broadway
Man: Oh, no! This is a crisis!
Woman: No life?
–Cereal aisle, Key Foods, Forest Hills
